Ivona, from Bulgaria, and Harish, from India, met and fell in love while completing graduate school at the University of Massachusetts. “… We bonded very well, but we were just friends initially and colleagues of course. Then, I found out he is 3 in a half years younger than I am. I thought, ‘This is it, we can’t be anything more than friends’… After one year, things changed and he was just too irresistible I guess! Everything started from there.”
Ivona and Harish discussed their future together; “I was sure that I did not want to proceed as an engineer… but he wanted to continue to do his PHD, and we did not want to live apart, certainly! I think one day we were sitting at some lake and I said ‘Well you are from India why don’t we go live in India?’ [laughs] I think I said that because I really felt, that given our cultural differences, for me to really know and understand him better I have to live in his country and I have to experience India for myself and not through whatever he tells me about it.”
The couple followed Ivona’s suggestion and moved to Bangalore, India. “The first 6-month really tested my entire world view. Everything I ever thought I knew and understand about things from society, culture, education, just name it, was absolutely questioned at any moment. After that, I applied for a science writing fellowship to the Indian academy of sciences. They gave me the fellowship [and] I started writing for the magazine. I did everything from news stories to interviews with famous scientists… and Nobel laureates.”
Ivona’s love for adventure and Harish’s willingness to adapt brought more transition and opportunity in to their lives. “We stayed in India for roughly 2 years, we had many friends… we had a great time… but at that time I was not convinced that I saw myself settling in India… I love traveling and exploring new places… I love it way more than he does. He is far more the guy that wants to settle and have the house and live in the small town where he has the friends who he knows for the past 40 years.”
Ivona shares the story of when Harish came home and told her he saw a posting for a graduate student in the Netherlands. Her initial thoughts where “… Tulips, flat land, cold weather, lots of rain… and lots of windmills [laughs]. He gave it a try and of course he got the position. We thought about it and said, lets do it! Life in the Netherlands is very… its simple in a way, because it’s a very rich country, it’s a very well run country, but I think what Harish and I both found most attractive is how society is organized. They have something that’s called the The Polar model – where they really ascribe to absolute equality at every level!”
“We had a great time in the Netherlands, and then it came time for him to apply to a post doc position. When the offer from Caltech came and everyone around us said that you have to take this position. ‘It’s a very prestigious, fellowship, there’s no comparison, you have to take that position’. But I already lived 5 years in the US… so I wasn’t so excited.”
At the same time that Harish was offered a postdoctoral position at Cal Tech, Ivona was offered her dream job at the University College London. This posed a dilemma for the couple, as they would need to decide what to do. “ You know how there are certain places in the world, which attract you irrationally? London was one of those places for me… [We decided to] try to live apart for up to a year and then well evaluate how things are going for both of us and then decide what’s best after that”.
Ivona loved her job and exploring London but due to an unexpected medical issue she began to weigh family vs. career and consider moving. “Even though I loved my job, I said okay probably I have to come here… I moved in March 2016, I moved to Pasadena. Every new place has its challenges and its benefits. But the first few months are hard no matter what you do. Even if you go to the best place in the world your first few months will be hard… [but] I love hiking and the outdoors that makes Pasadena really easy to like!”
Ivona has much experience in moving to different countries and believes the best way to meet people in the US is through structured clubs like sport and/or spouse clubs. “… it’s like a seed, right, you plant the seed and then it can grow anywhere, because you know a certain amount of people now and anything could happen, somebody could propose an idea that you like, somebody could meet another person that offers you a job, you can discover something you always loved but never had time to do through some other activity, I think its great!”
Through all of Ivona’s adventures she gained this wisdom: “We think so much about where to go, what feeds us, what cultural context we want to live in, what food we like, you know all sorts of things, what society we want to live in and of course there are preferences but I found that, no matter where I go I end up being equally happy! I’ve been as happy as the Netherlands as I been to India as I’ve been to here. Which tells me that it doesn’t matter! It doesn’t mater how well paved the streets are, how many cereal options you have in the store, or how people are dressed. These things matter superficially and beyond that we have an incredible capacity to be happy anywhere.”
Credits:
Christophe Marcade