Growing up I was taught that “when you’re white you’re right” and that I would have to work extremely hard at just a chance of a leveled playing field with the white race. These lessons have been at the forefront of many decisions that I have made. Starting with going to college.
I was the first in my immediate family to attend college, as often common in the black community. I got accepted into many colleges and universities in 2003 - half being well known Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCU’s) like Virginia State University, Hampton University, Howard University, and Virginia Union University. I grew up watching A Different World and fantasizing about my college experience. Couldn’t wait to finally experience being an adult in a setting where I could blend culture with education. But at the end of the day I chose to go do a predominately white institution (PWI), James Madison University. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love JMU so please understand I have no regrets about that decision. Through the Center for Multicultural Student Services (CMSS) I was able to connect with my culture and be involved in organizations like Students for Minority Outreach, the JMU Chapter of NAACP, and Women of Color. But the reason why I chose JMU was because I wanted to give myself a better chance to get ahead in life. I wanted future employers to see JMU on my resume and hopefully overlook my ethic name and the box checked Black or African American
I felt that employers didn’t value degrees from HBCU’s the same as PWI’s and if I was going to make this investment in myself, I wanted to have the best shot to be successful in my field. And lucky for me it worked. I truly believe having a degree from JMU helped me get my first two professional jobs out of college.
Sometimes my black decision is to let ignorant statements roll off my shoulder because I don’t want to be accused of being quick to draw the race card even when I know I’ve been disrespected. I’ve had to smile and swallow backhanded comments like “you speak so well” or “wow, you’re really educated” knowing that the ‘for a black person’ was implied and not said. There have been times where people have used me as a token to represent diversity instead of valuing me for what I truly brought to the table. There was one recent incident I can recall where I had the opportunity to be a panelist or moderator at a state conference. In acknowledging the panel had a lack of diversity it was suggested I sit on the panel vs moderate because I was a woman and it needed diversity. While I don’t think the suggestion was ill-intended, it was still hurtful. In this professional space I, and many others, are acknowledged as black first and professional second. I am more than just a token black person who can check the proverbial diversity box. It’s thoughts and comments like these and many others that seem flows so easily out of the mouths of some people, and I have to decipher the intent, process my feelings, and decide how or if I want to address it. So many times I have chosen not to address it and just keep pressing forward.
Lately, my black decision has had me feeling like I’m constantly pushing the envelope. I have committed myself to holding people and organizations accountable and asking for actions. Asking your employer to acknowledge lack of diversity, equity, and inclusion and to change policy/take action should not have felt like a big risk but it did.
The risk to me was if they rejected to act, what would that mean for my career?. I worried if my black decision to push the envelope was crossing the line to unprofessional. Luckily for me, I work for an organization who made it a priority to take immediate action. I know not everyone is not as fortunate. Early in my professional career I learned that in the corporate world I had to walk a fine line of when to be ‘black’ and when to be ‘professional’. To be professional I had to dress, wear my hair, and speak a certain way. I received disheartening looks and comments about the color of my hair especially when red or blond, certain jewelry I would wear, or clothes that may have fit my body type differently. There are negative stereotypes that are applied to black fashion and black culture. Why is it that black people have to always conform to white standards? How does one conclude that style/fashion is indicative of intelligence and professionalism? There should not be a fine line. I should not have to choose. I should not have to constantly strategize about making black decisions. But I do – and all black people are forced with making black decisions as it pertains to their individual lifestyle every single day. It’s beyond time to change this narrative!