What is loneliness?

We have been asking young people what they think loneliness is.

According to researchers, loneliness is an unpleasant experience that most people will experience at some point in their life. It occurs when someone feels like their relationships (e.g. with their friends, classmates, teachers, or parents) are lacking in some way.

You might experience loneliness if you do not have someone you can share secrets with. Or you might experience loneliness if you feel like you do not have enough people to hang out with. Experiencing loneliness is thought to encourage us to seek social connection.

Research for many decades has used a definition of loneliness that was generated from discussions with adults. We wanted to know if kids think about loneliness in the same way as adults? Does it involve the same negative emotions? Is it caused by the same things?

We analysed the interviews using “Thematic Framework Analysis” (TFA), a type of qualitative analysis that produces “themes” that explain the salient issues identified in the interview data.

Being physically isolated was not seen to be the cause of loneliness; whilst young people recognised that being alone could contribute to feelings of loneliness, they reported that they thought someone could feel lonely even in the presence of friends.

“well feeling lonely can be… you think that nobody wants you for some reason, but instead there are a lot of people who want you, even if you tend to be alone”

They thought that people might feel lonely when they were excluded by their friends or peers.

“[they feel lonely when] others exclude them, let’s say from the group, the games, like if I talk to you, I exclude another girl, she feels lonely”

Someone who is feeling lonely might benefit from reaching out to others and making more of an effort to join in with their games.

“try to make friends, talk to them, invite them, take initiative”.

“try to always be yourself (…) try to open up a little bit more, but not too much because if not afterwards maybe you can seem too exuberant or too impulsive and… not too much or too little, that’s the middle ground”

They also suggested how those around someone experiencing loneliness might help them to feel better. Peers can help by approaching the person feeling lonely, and asking them to join in.

“yes, go and talk to them, and say that that person can join you and just sit with you and stuff”

Parents, or close family members can help by acting as a confidant, and providing comfort.

“I think especially as a parent of a child and when you know that your child feels lonely you really pay attention so that he or she doesn’t feel lonely at home. By giving them a lot of attention or by doing fun things. And also have a chat, talk with them”

Lily Verity is a PhD student at The University of Manchester. She is conducting interviews and focus groups with young people in the 'Tell me about loneliness' and 'Fit2Belong' projects, so we have a clear idea of what loneliness means to young people across different countries. Those findings will feed into the development of teaching and learning materials developed by project partners. Lily received a BSc (hons.) in Forensic Psychology from the University of Central Lancashire and an MSc Research Methods (with Education) at the University of Manchester. Lily’s research interests centre around mental health in young people. She is currently in the second year of her PhD which investigates experiences of loneliness in childhood and adolescents, including how children and adolescents cope with loneliness.

Lily previously worked as a research assistant on several projects including one that examined mental health screening in cystic fibrosis centres across Europe, and another that identified effective evidence-based social and emotional learning strategies for teachers and schools.

Tine Adam is a masters student in Educational Sciences at KU Leuven in Belgium. As part of her masters thesis she participated in the ‘Tell me about loneliness' research project. She conducted interviews with young children and analysed their responses in coordination with the other researchers. Mental health has always been an area of interest of hers, so she chose to study the effect of loneliness on children. Besides that, she loves working with children and adolescents. This project helped children express their thoughts on loneliness and integrates their voices into scientific literature.

Marlies Maes is an Assistant Professor at the Department of Youth Studies (Utrecht University) and at the Department of School Psychology and Development in Context (KU Leuven, FWO). Her main research focus is on loneliness among youth. In her work, Dr. Maes has focused on the experience of different types of loneliness and on the measurement of loneliness. In addition, she conducted several systematic reviews on, amongst others, loneliness in youth with a chronic physical illness, on gender differences in loneliness, and on the associations, both within and across time, between loneliness and social anxiety symptoms.

Pamela Qualter is a Professor of Psychology for Education who has researched loneliness among youth for the past 25 years. In her work, she has explored the causes and consequences of loneliness, and examined individual differences in the prospective profile of loneliness across the lifespan. Prof. Qualter collaborated with Profs. Manuela and Christina Victor the BBC Loneliness Experiment, the world’s largest survey of loneliness. In the Radio 4 series ‘Anatomy of Loneliness’, she offered expertise on age differences in the experience of loneliness, and discussed how there are key transition points during adolescence and young adulthood that increase vulnerability to loneliness.