On board an Allegiant airline flight to Appleton, Wis., journalism teacher Katie Turkelson watches the clouds float by from her window seat. Turkelson considers herself a window Sleeper.

Airplane Roles

You know the rules of airplane seats? Window gets the window, middle gets both armrests, aisle gets the extra leg room? I think there’s a type of person who picks each seat, sometimes for the privilege, sometimes for the lack of responsibility.

Window seat people are control freaks who like to choose whether or not the whole row gets light, yet they have to be unbothered (or at least pretend to be) in case they’re seated next to a Window-Wanter: someone who wants the view but can’t handle the responsibility. Of course, a window seat person might not be a control freak. They could be one of those people who just want the flight to be over with. They will toss and turn for around 20 minutes, trying to get comfortable. They generally bring a sweatshirt to use as a pillow. Tired window seaters are the most unproblematic passengers. The shade will be down if they are between the ages of 10 and 80. No need to get up for them, as they don’t need to use the bathroom. No need to wake them up for food and drink, as there are only two things that will wake them up.

The first is the mid-flight adjustment. Perhaps they will wake up to read a magazine (and let’s be honest, it’s always a magazine) for about 15 minutes, only to leave their article unfinished so they can go back to sleep. The second is the plane landing. The farther back they are, the more time they have to wake up, and they are capable of getting their own bag. If they are up front, you might see them later taking a second too long to read the terminal signs. If they’re around the middle of the plane, they exist in sort of a fugue as they get off and go to the pickup area, where they will get an Uber. Their loved ones rarely pick them up, and a Window Sleeper knows this, so they arrange properly.

Middle seat people are generally extroverts. Introverts never willingly take a middle seat unless they’re traveling with someone they know. Otherwise it can be awkward, but not for extroverts. Middle seat people should have no problem exerting dominance in their right to both armrests. There are always, of course, those who take the dominance thing too far, in that they put their feet in other people’s foot space. If they wanted more room, they should have taken an aisle seat. Space Stealers are not as bad as the Talkers, though. People who choose the middle seat because that means they have two people to talk to are the absolute worst. Maybe this was okay when they started flying, back when meals were served and you could smoke on planes. However, they are always too old to realize that no one wants to talk on airplanes anymore. They do not respect the Earbud Rule, and will take advantage of a Sleeper’s in between state where they are obviously trying to go back to sleep.

If you want to talk but are too afraid to start a conversation, however, the middle seat is not for you. Try an aisle or a window and pray you get seated next to a 60+ year old woman who looks like her Facebook is completely composed of pictures of her grandchildren and recipes. If you’ve never been to where you’re flying, don’t worry. She knows the best places to eat, and also a grocery store that has great deals. If you want bars, clubs, or other hip places, you’re out of luck unless she has a child who she is not proud of. That child will pick her up from the airport because they are available, but they will get berated the whole way home. They will not be in a relationship, let alone married with kids, and will inevitably be in a job that this woman has no clue what consists of, even though the Internet has been around for a while. This woman or really any middle seat person will be nosy, by virtue of their seat position, having two people to look at and judge. The only people who don’t follow this generalization are children. Treat them like you would the Travel Advisor Grandma, just be prepared for them to be less helpful and tell more pointless stories.

Then there are the two types and various subsets of aisle people. Aisle people will either be the nicest or the meanest people in the row. Kind ones can make an awful flight worth it. They will always get up for you if you need to go to the bathroom. When you come back, they are already out of their seat so you can get seated without an awkward moment. They may take a little time to get out at first, because aisle seat people generally need the freedom of leg arrangement. These aisle seat people will also get their seatmates’ bags if needed.

Mean aisle seat people come in many different forms. First and worst are the Aisle Sleepers. If they wanted to sleep, they should have chosen the window, where they could rest their head instead of letting it roll around. Those in need of the restroom face the hard decision of waking their Aisle Sleeper up or climbing over them, risking a very embarrassing moment were they to wake up mid-climb. Then there’s the Huffer. This person is not outright rude, but is extremely passive aggressive. If you need to go to the bathroom, there is a 50/50 chance they get up for you. They’ll be very annoyed with you if you climb, even though they make you do it. If they do get up, it’s a personal affront to them. How dare you deprive them of quality sitting time. Last but not least is the Can’t Be Bothered. Even though they are awake, they will not get up if their seatmates need to. Whereas the nice aisle person will take their whole row’s trash, the Can’t Be Bothered will be reading or playing on their phone, or otherwise ignoring the window person, who will have to strain to reach the trash bag, possibly forcing the flight attendant to do it for that poor window seat person. These people will also force others to step over their feet that extend halfway across the aisle, as well as forcing the flight attendants to reach to hand refreshments all the way to the window seat.

There are always those people, however, who follow none of these stereotypes. These people are dangerous and unpredictable. Be prepared for a rough flight.