I have been thinking lately that it might be a good idea to write a book. Mainly because I don’t know how much longer I have in this world and if anything I would like to leave some words behind that might be useful for other people, also for my son, he is now only 16 and if he gets older he can always read this book and feel close to his mom 😃

What would the book be about?

It would be about the things that have helped me so far, stories, anecdotes, lessons, ideas, important events that helped shape my life. My journey of self discovery. I know we all die, some sooner, others later. I would like to do it now in case I go sooner.

Chapters of the book:

A short overview of my life (pending)

About Awareness

About Limiting Believes

About Perception

About Desires

About Disease

Why do we choose to awaken?

What happens when we start to awaken?

What is the process of awakening, what changes take place?

What is disease?

Is disease the process of healing?

Why let go of the things we don’t need

What is happiness

What makes me feel good

What makes me feel sad

What is oneness, how does it feel, why do we feel more connected the more you let go of your sense of self

The power of prayer and devotion

What is family and friends

Why are we here?

Who am I?

About awareness, switching interfaces, the process from seeing to being

What happens when we die?

What will I want my son to know when I’m gone? When he is 30, 40, 50… Saying goodbye

The question I ask is: Do I need to agree in order to accept?. does agreeing with what is makes the situation better? Or change in any way? The disagreement didn´t come from the situation anyway. I see acceptance is never about the situation but about meeting with understanding the thoughts I am having about the situation. Knowing that the thoughts I am having are my own and in understanding them I can find my freedom. I can’t authentically accept WHAT IS if I am having a thought about the situation that is disturbing my peace. How can I be allowing and accepting with what is if I can’t be allowing and accepting with my self?

Knowing this doesn’t always help in the moment that is happening. Where does the understanding come from? How can I be understanding with myself when the thoughts I am having are harsh and judgemental? My mind tries to find actions and strategies to be more understanding but it might not be possible. There is nothing to do because understanding is not an action. It’s a state of being. Meeting my own thoughts with understanding requieres an open heart and a loving disposition. When I find that understanding inside me, the thoughts and judgements dissolve and true acceptance is what it’s left

When I’ve learned to meet my thoughts with understanding, I meet the world with understanding. When I own my share in something, I just feel humility without the slightest urge to defend myself, it leaves me completely vulnerable.

In my experience, confusion is the only suffering. Confusion is when I argue with WHAT IS. When I’m perfectly clear, WHAT IS is what I want. So when I want something that is not WHAT IS, I know that I am very confused. My constant mission in life is to take the misery out of everything. It sounds huge but in reality it’s very simple because there really isn’t anything, there is only the story I make of everything. And not even that...

“Make your thinking orderly and free from emotional overtones, and you will see people and things as they are, with clarity and charity” Sri Nisargadatta Majaraj

I’ve always wondered why there seams to be so many versions of Ana existing at the same time. There is at least one version for every person that knows Ana or comes in contact with Ana, then there might be several versions of Ana for every person that spends more time accumulating impressions; from good moments, stressful moments, happy moments and so on. I wonder if there is someone that holds a version of Ana that is similar to the one I hold. I remember the first time I thought about this when I was talking to my niece, she was struggling with wanting to be what people expected her to be, matching their views and expectations. She was so sad, it made me think how much time is waisted trying to fit into someone else views and expectations when none of them are even real. Who is the real Ana? does she even exist? It seams so silly to think that you can create a true image of yourself in every single person you come in contact with, for starters each person has a unique set of filters that would create a unique version of each person they come in contact with. I know my niece thinks she was trying to change the way people see her but deep down she was just trying to change the way she sees herself, we just don’t know how to relate to ourselves without projecting it out to the world around us. At the end of this road what I am interested in is knowing who Ana is, I care less every day about how people see me yet at the same time the connection to the people I come in contact with grows stronger the less grip I have on the idea of who Ana is.

How about what I perceive of people and situations? I have noticed how over the years the notion of perception has shifted. Perception used to be a hard structured thought and opinion that allowed me to make decisions based on what I thought was an intelligent process of discernment. Now perception is a subtle force that gets noticed by how strong I sense it. The stronger the force the bigger the thought and opinion that gets created, it seams that these opinions arrive when the flow gets momentarily stuck by an internal block. When everything is flowing in its natural way, there is no need for opinions or thoughts, everything just is. Contrary to what I might have thought in the past, the is-ness of everything is not experienced as a big bang of joyful explosion, it actually goes unnoticed.

I remember the first time I noticed the abundance of opinions in my mind, I was quite shocked at the inability to stop the opinions from arising and how annoying it was once I noticed them arriving, they seemed to consume most of my time and left me with this sense of living in a very solid and concrete world. I realized how much my life was controlled by this opinions and set an intention to rid myself from them. It is harder than I thought, it turns out that it requires a complete erase of the Ana perception (filters), as soon as the subtle force of perception starts the process of solidifying the Ana character remains. What does perception has to do with opinions? everything! perception = opinion and as long as the opinion remains, the perception remains and so does the Ana character

I experience so much confusion when the sadness of being alone crips in. There is a mix of shame and sense of being damaged that gets steered into the pot. I know in reality we are all alone / (all one). In the beginning there was only oneness, I wonder if the confusion comes from not being able to understand why the need for duality, maybe that sadness is a trace residue from that time when there was no other wanting to experience itself

Underlying dissatisfaction can’t be resolved by another person. Not being in touch with the depth of being, seeking to have a fulfilling life made possible by another person...

Ok, the subject of desires is a something that has been talked about so much, I wonder what else is there to say? it is pretty straight forward right? … maybe not?… I now see how a big veil was blocking my ability to see and understand why there is desire in the first place. This veil comes from the guilt that covers the desire and what is really behind it. It is very subtle and I only started noticing it when I was able to create some detachment form my body and senses otherwise i think it is virtually impossible to see.

In the beginning it might be a good idea to do the opposite from what the desire is urging me to do but that took me so far, I wasn’t dealing with the root of the problem, I was just trying to move away from the inertia/pull/push of the desire. When I started to pay attention and look closer, I noticed how the desire is the natural response to a preconditioning / energetic pattern that I had identified with or maybe I was born with. I am not suggesting that doing nothing about it is a god idea but there was a point when I dropped the guilt and followed the desire from a different point of awareness. I started to be with it in a way that allowed me to understand it deeply and get ready to let go, being present with the desire was part of the solution. Sort of going back to move forward.

Whenever presence was available I was also able to see the guilt and how it was only showing up to distract me from seeing more deeply into the desire. I started to pay attention to where the mood was coming from, observing that the mood is a choice I was making to identify with the feeling as being me. It made me wonder where do I exist? for real, if I am nowhere to be found, where am I? To reach the point where I started noticing that the feeling is not who I was, some degree of separation or detachment to the body needed to take place. Then I kept looking, observing when I would be dragged by the impulse coming from the feeling. At this point I could see I had a choice, but this is the tricky part this choice can’t come from a place of it being wrong or guilt, it has to come from a place of total acceptance and compassion that allows less of a grip / impulse and creates the space to choose with freedom what I really want in my heart.

I allowed this process to be come a habit, paying attention to every little internal movement became the new way I would go about my day. Over time I noticed that I was maturing, by becoming less vulnerable to desire I was growing up as a sensible human being. This was the next stage of maturity in my life. This stage was not easy to reach without the painful process of depriving my senses and pushing myself out of the place of inertia. The more allowance of desire without being taken by it (remain in the observer seat), the less amount of desires showed up. There is also something very powerful when I let myself see how unsatisfactory was the feeling after I had fed the desire. at this point guilt wanted to come forward but the process took me to a different place where I was able to understand that the desire wasn’t mine in the first place. This understanding allowed me to detach from the desire making the whole issue of temptation a different thing all together, no need to feel guilt, there is a knowing when to follow the desire or when to choose just to see it play out without it being fed.

If you are still in the circle of life and death, you might be either feeding the desire or feeding the guilt. If you feed the guilt, it might give you the feeling that you are doing what should be done in order to conquer your fears and move past the illusion of Maya, or is it? moving past this cycle is where freedom waits

I’ve always wondered if disease is what happens when healing is needed. It seems that everyone has a different immune system and you sort of come into this world with a predetermined physical condition. The question is, what is taking place when disease happens? is it inevitable? can you really have much control over it? the first option is to see it as the body’s response to a contaminating alien factor which places the cause outside and without any relation to the predetermined physical condition, meaning everyone exposed to a specific contaminating alien factor will experience the same physical illness. This doesn’t take into account the relation between mind body and spirit. On the other hand there could be another way to look at disease. What if in order to heal an emotional wound some physical discharge needs to take place, what if that leads to a restructuring of the physical body at a celular level, this could bring about what we call a disease, the body needs to go through a process of transformation in order to release the emotional block.

What is cancer? I’ve read and heard many people talk about the root cause of cancer being emotional, apparently every human being has the capacity to develop cancer, what keeps some people from suffering the illness? There are some who think that you get sick because you are being punished. In some cases I would think it is the contrary, it seems that when the person is open to let go of a point of view, the release would allow that person to heal the wound that has always been there even thou it wasn’t manifesting in any visible physical way. It is possible that the illness itself might bring awareness and understanding that otherwise would not be allowed.

When the body feels week and diseased a different part of the person shows up, a more sentisite and vulnerable part that is capable of going deeper into the emotional problem, it can also turn into despair and then spiral down into a terminally ill sickness but the initial purpose of any illness could be essentially therapeutic. So even from a purely spiritual perspective the illness has a healing purpose.

Myth: when it comes to cancer, early detection may save lives. On the contrary, early detection actually destroys lives with unnecessary “treatment” for cancers that weren’t real or that didn’t pose any threat to the patient. More people are killed by cancer treatment then by cancer. Many foods contain powerful anti-cancer medicines that can destroy tumors far better then chemotherapy (turmeric)

Triggers of the pain body are there to release ' feed the specific energetic vibration... About the things (stuff) that we are made of

Our body is being imprinted with every thought, feeling, food, drug, knowledge and understanding we experience through our lifetime The level of imprint is based on the intensity of the experience and the depth of its effects in our physical, spiritual and subtle body 95% of our DNA is composed of all this stuff, which up until recently was considered useless. It is perhaps this useless stuff what determines our current experience of life. Everything interconnected, feeding into each other over time to create the experience of Now. This so called experience of Now is very personal to each individual person making the sense of self be unique and the identity very well defined. The irony comes when you get to see that the experience of who we are is not who we are! Hence the saying when you wake up you get to see the truth about who you are THERE IS ONLY ONE

Going back to the experience of now.... The world of manifestation is designed in such detail with an incredible degree of complexisity yet it all flows so perfectly, evereythjng arising and evolving according to the perfect flow (divine plan)

*Who knows what is the divine plan? We have been led to believe our personalities is who we are but are we really? And if we are not... then who are we? That is what many people decide to find out one day and embark on the spiritual path. A lot of effort gets put into knowing what you are not. You get glimpses of a greater existance that includes everyone and everithjng where there is no separation and you keep walking the path hoping to arrive at an unknown destination where you get to be all present moment, no past, no present, no future, only the eternal present moment

But.... In order to get there you have to find all those things that keep you thinking you are this person with this body identity and personality. We live in permanent conflict with ourselfs

Once you let go of enough identification some space is created in your field of perception that allows you to see things more clearly

Have you ever considered that maybe the way you communicate is imprinted in your DNA? Imprinted at a cellular level and inherited from your parents and then refined by your birthplace, environment, food, events, habits, believes, etc, etc, etc add all the pre-conditioned and programmed patterns and then add your present day, how did you sleep last night, what did you eat, did you read something that triggered a sad memory? What type of mood are you in today? All of this is affecting the way you talk now and the way you will talk in the future too.

Do you normally talk in first person? second person? Third person?

Experiences we have encountered in our lifetime and how we have processed them determines the way our body funnels universal energies.

emotional trauma also plays a role in fascial tension and scar tissue. According to shamanic belief, physical tissues at the deepest level, are a gathering or concentration of emotional energy. All physical life forms begin with a single emotional impulse. Emotional energy is the trellis that physical bodies grow oN

Sticky stuff is what keeps you bonded. The more you get unstuck the clearer you get to see. Stickiness is not useless stuff as the DNA researches thought, it has a purpose and it actually plays a very important role in the process of understanding who we really are. Once you get to a point when you can see more clearly, the stickiness serves as a reminder of how stuck you are.

Being present in the moment allows the sense perception to be awaken. You become aware of the aliveness in your body. The inner transformation is about finding a new relationship to thought, where not every though looses you anymore… just for a moment let go for the need to understand anything.

Opinions appear in my mind as a factual affirmation of what I am perceiving in that moment, but the times that I am able to notice the opinion I become aware of how unreal/false it actually is. It is like a cristilized idea that exists on its own inside my mind, I often wonder what it would be like to not have any opinion what so ever, I've actually made the intention of not having opinions anymore but it seams that it can only happen once you're over self identification

So who aré we rally? Who is The real person without ALL The opinions about who we think we are? We live inundated by opinions, all the opinions about myself that live inside my mind, then all the opinions about me that live in other people's minds, I presume that evry time a person thinks of me, they connect to that body of opinions they have about me, unless there is no opinion, then a real connection can happen. I can see an opinion that rises about myself but that doesn't mean the opinion is who I am, when I connect to my true essence I can see that there is no opinion, there is only the sense of being alive (I Am)

Before I loose myself in narrative, let me get back to the point...

A few years back a came to the liberating realization that it doesn't matter what people think of me, it doesn't affect who I am and it only lives in those peoples minds. I also realized that the opinions of me that live in other people's minds are not that important to those people, they don't even care about it too much and they might forget they ever had it in the first place. Yet I used to place so much value on how I was being perceived by others around me, looking for validation of who I think I am, even believing that who I am is not real unless it was validated by people's opinions of me.

Insecurity plays a big role on how much we value people's opinions about oneself. Seeking validation as a means to hide the insecurity

Are we an eco of the primordial force?

Being present in the moment is what allows being in the awareness. If every moment was to be spent in awareness much of what is done everyday would´nt even be. I can see how all of the tings that lee- me busy prevent me from being in awareness... It seams that normal human living has been design to keep us from being present, the doing of all the things that we plan to fill our days comes from a place of conforming to the status quo, to meet the expectations of our family, fringe, community, etc. So unless we decide to step out of the norm, we will keep being draged into the inertia of social expectations.

The question is, do we have a choice/ CAN WE STEP OUT FREELY? I'm not really sure what the answer to that is, it doesn't seem likely. We get stuck on things that we need to let go, until the pattern has been resolved the process of being stuck and letting go will continue to play out, that is

the law of karma. While we are playing the inevitable game of maya we are not being present, in order to be present there has to be a break from the game, I believe a miracle is what provides the choice to step out and break the cycle, sincere surrender to the divine, here is when the magic happens, the time spent in the present moment gets longer and longer until one day the game is over and awareness is the permanent state where there is no being stuck and letting go anymore. But you have to believe in miracles... faith is the doorway, you just have to show up prepared and ready

At this point the business gets replaced with beingness and what moves you everyday to do something comes fom a completely different space. I like to think of it as creative inspiration where the flow of actions is unobstructed and pure light is manifested through the beingness

"Those who want to know the Truth of the Universe should practice the four cardinal virtues.

The first is reverence for all life: this manifest as unconditional Love and respect for oneself and all beings.

The second is natural sincerity : this manifest as honesty, simplicity, and faithfulness.

The third is gentleness; this manifest as Kindsness consideration for others , and sensitivity to spritual Truth.

The fourth is supportiveness; this manifest as service to others without expectation of reward.

The four virtues are not an external dogma but a part of your original nature.

When practiced, they give birth to wisdom , and evoke the five blessings:

health, wealth, happiness, longevity , and peace."

When my dear friend Salva past away I wrote on my journal with the hope that he might be listening to my words, I know deep inside that he did, this is the letter I wrote to him (to be translated into English)

Te fuiste sin decir adios. Recuerdo lo que hablamos alguna vez sobre la muerte, los que quedamos somos los que sufrimos la ausencia del ser querido que ha partido de este mundo. No puedo imaginar el dolor que puede estar sintiendo tu esposa y tus hijos. Mañana los llamo para ver como puedo estar presente creando el espacio que necesitan para llevar este momento y seguir adelante sin ti. Que paso? tengo tantas preguntas que hacerte...

Donde estas?

Que se siente?

Por que hay tanto drama en este mundo?

a donde vas?

Que puedo hacer por ti?

remember to focus on the light, you have three days to find it and then move on. I will pray everyday for the next 30 days so that you feel accompanied and guided. I need some guidance so that I can be of best help for you in this transition time

I tried to tell you many times that you reminded me of St Francis of Asis. Tu humildad y esa manera que tienes de escuchar desde la profundidad de tu alma. Que lindo es hablar contigo. Seguire hablándote, tal vez ahora mas que antes que te puedo hablar directamente sin reuniones y almuerzos programados. Los recuerdos que hice contigo crean el portal hacia ti, la huella que dejas hace esta conexión posible. Eres mi hermano del alma y siempre te recordare, hasta que nos volvamos a ver. Gracias por tu amistad y por inspirarme en mi camino.

Salva, escucha mi voz. Estoy aquí contigo y te voy a explicar lo que te esta pasando. Tu cuerpo ya dejo de funcionar. Lo que se llama muerte te ha llegado. Llega a todo el mundo en el momento justo. Pero escucha, Tu puedes oír mis palabras, por eso se que no estas muerto. No se si me explico, esta experiencia es el milagro de los milagros, no hay muerte. Lo peor que te puede pasar ya ha pasado, y estas bien. Nada te puede hacer dano ya. Eres invencible, celebra la victoria de este momento.

El momento a llegado para que te olvides de la vida en esta tierra y la experiencia de Salvador Garcon en este mundo. Ya has terminado tus negocios aquí. Los que quedamos nos encargaremos de arreglar lo que hayas dejado pendiente, si puedes confiar en mi ya es hora que dejes esto atrás y sigas adelante en tu camino.

En los siguientes dias, la película de este mundo se volverá cada vez mas tenue hasta desvanecer. No te asustes. Serás guiado en cada paso. Si sientes una presencia o una luz, esta es la naturaleza primordial de tu alma Salva. Puede ser que aparezca luminosa o transparente como el cielo sin nubes. O luminoso y brillante como el sol. Tal vez suave y opaca como la luna a través de una nube. O puede ser que sientas una presencia amorosa en tu corazón. Esta es tu alma. Pensamientos y sentimientos puede ser que vayan y vengan. Pero esta presencia ha estado contigo todo el tiempo. Siente su familiaridad. Deja que tu atención se pose en ella, fundete con ella tu eres ese amor.

Puedes sentir la presencia de Dios y todos tus amigos que te queremos que estamos rezando por que tu camino de transición sea fácil de navegar. Sigue la voz que te esta guiando, te va a guiar por esta transición. Si imágenes, ruidos o sentimientos te distraen, no tengas miedo. Estas alucinaciones surgen naturalmente en la mente y no te pueden hacer dano. Son simplemente impresiones residuales que has tenido durante tu vida que están saliendo para ser disueltas. Como tu ya bien sabes, no las resistas. Salva, si sientes que necesitas ayuda recuerda de pedirla, enfocate en Dios, svamiji, o cualquier guru o santo de tu preferencia, yo estaré pendiente también. Salva, sabes que Dios y todos los santos y el amor de tus seres queridos te están protegiendo y guiando.

Tal vez veras un túnel o un valle oscuro. La oscuridad puede ser que parezca opresiva y muy larga. En ese momento estarás pasando por las fases de la muerte, tal como muchos otros la han hecho también, y tal como tu lo has hecho muchas veces antes. Recuerda que estas protegido por el amor divino que nunca se puede perder. Trata de permanecer despierto y alerta durante este proceso. Hay mucha verdad que sera revelada durante este proceso, estas yendo a casa.

En su momento la oscuridad se convertirá en una nueva y maravillosa vida mas aya de el plano terrenal. En ese momento vas a extraer la esencia dorada de la vida que acabas de pasar. Esto te va a fascinar y veras que sera una experiencia espectacular. Te veras a ti mismo como la misma verdad, la belleza y amor que están dentro de ti.

Has sido una persona maravillosa Salva. Tu presencia en este mundo a dejado una huella de inspiración, amor y verdad. Has tocado mi vida de una manera muy profunda asi como a muchos en este mundo. Yo siempre permanecerá conectada a ti en mi corazón y siempre te estaré enviando amor, luz y gratitud. Se que la recibirás como siempre lo has sabido hacer. Gracias por tu amistad y por inspirarme en mi camino.

Before I begin, i want to disclose this serves to bring forth a perspective that is only partial because it's ever evolving.. I am choosing to write about my experience of Divine Love knowing that what I am narrating is not possible to communicate. .

1 - No es casualidad lo que está sucediendo, pareciera que existe un propósito mayor o más allá de una unión física o romántica

2 - Aunque el sentimiento pareciera que es creado por ti. El shakti y la conexión existe dentro de uno, no reside en la otra persona

3 - El centro de la experiencia es la unión (oneness), la experiencia de ser uno con todo es la verdadera realidad, cuando conecto contigo siento que todo desaparece y solo queda nuestra esencia unida. Si bien pudiera parecer que ese amor es imposible si tu no existieras, la realidad es que no hay otra persona, en perspectiva el amor existe por uno mismo (el ser Divino)

4 - El deseo es la expresión natural del proceso de unión, cuando se nos olvida que ya somos uno, se crea la ilusión de estar separados y se produce el deseo, siento que es uno de los obstáculos que aparece en el camino y el objetivo es limpiarlo para poder alcanzar ese estado del Ser. nuestra esencia verdadera se experimenta cuando dejamos caer todas las barreras que nos separan del mundo y nos dejamos fluir libremente. El Shakti es la energía purificadora de todo lo que está en el medio del fluir divino.

5 - podría ser que el hecho que no estés disponible como pareja es en realidad una bendición, si estuvieras sin pareja tal vez no tendríamos la oportunidad de transcender el plano físico y a lo mejor tendríamos una distracción innecesaria que desviaría el verdadero propósito de esta experiencia.

6 - pienso que tener la oportunidad de transcender es un milagro, siento en el fondo que es importante reconocerlo y honrarlo como tal.

7 - te siento tan cerca que no veo dónde acabo yo y comienzas tu...

AMOR ES LUZ

No se si te has dado cuenta de como el amor transforma la experiencia que tienes de ti mismo. Es maravilloso verlo… también es importante saber que la luz brilla sobre otras partes internas que hasta ahora habían estado en la obscuridad, esto es lo que te mencionaba en otra ocasión sobre el proceso de limpieza y sanación, en principio es una bendición pero cuando estas limpiándolo se puede sentir uno muy mal… (es completamente normal y no dura mucho)

Te confieso que sin ninguna intención de cuestionar la justicia del destino admito que permanece como inquietud la pregunta de por que dos almas se encuentran en el camino sin la posibilidad de permanecer juntas en el tiempo. Pareciera que la única respuesta es que el tiempo no es requisito para la unión, aunque sea breve en el tiempo el sentimiento es de eternidad.

También percibo con cierta seguridad que la expectativa es lo que me separa de estar presente…. y se que no me quiero perder ni un segundo de esta conexión por estar esperando algo que ni se si es lo que mejor nos corresponde en esta vida. No te imaginas todo lo que me has dado, me has dado la oportunidad de sanar heridas y transcender el miedo de amar incondicionalmente, algo que nunca pensé podría superar en esta vida.

En lo mas profundo de mi ser siento que estoy completamente enamorada de ti, lo curioso es que al mismo tiempo se que la razón que viniste a mi vida no tiene nada que ver con estar contigo o que seas mi pareja. Lo que quiero decir es que esa expectativa no esta en mi mente. Lo que me cautiva completamente es lo que creas en mi, cómo mi corazón se abre completamente de manera incondicional, de una forma tan grande que no imagino mi corazón cerrándose nunca mas.

Amor mio, se en lo mas profundo de mi corazón que nunca te podré perder porque no es posible, tu vives dentro de mi, ese es el regalo mas sagrado que me has dado. La posibilidad de amar por siempre vive dentro de mi. No tengo palabras para expresar la gratitud que tengo ahora mismo, como agradecer algo tan grande? es un milagro...

INFINITO

Amor mio, es increíble como este sentimiento que pareciera infinito sigue creciendo, como es posible? si ya es infinito? siento que mi corazón se expande hasta lo mas remoto del universo y todavía quiere seguir expandiéndose. Que experiencia tan maravillosa. Mi ser muere para renacer en la union de nuestras almas, la Ana que existía ya no esta y en su lugar solo existe esta union eterna, pasado, presente y futuro unidos en el tiempo infinito, mas bien ya el tiempo no existe, solo existe este momento de conexión contigo por siempre.

You are the doorway to the source of my soul. Te amo cariño, por siempre.

You are me, I am you, we are the same

Este sentimiento y conexión que existe entre nosotros es intocable y perfecto. Cuando los deseos comienzan a surgir me doy cuenta que los deseos de estar contigo me separan de ti al mismo tiempo. También nublan mi capacidad de ser guiada claramente y alinear mis intenciones con el Divine Will... thy will be done es un recordatorio de invitar a esa parte interna que no está esperando nada, que siente que lo que es esta perfecto tal y como es. Dejar que fluya la voluntad divina y no la personal. No se si me explicó claramente. Y como puedes ver mis deseos son en este momento muy fuertes y mi buen juicio está muy nublado. Se que tienes razón que mucho de lo que frena el flujo de la vida es el tabú y lo que todos esperan de mí y de ti... mi intención profunda es que mis deseos se disuelvan para dejar fluir la voluntad divina, que mi corazón permanezca abierto por siempre conectado a ti sin importar cómo se presente el futuro. May I surrender to the divine will for the unfoldment of the highest purpose of our souls.

En mis sueños estamos juntos y hacemos el amor hasta el amanecer, caminamos de la mano por la playa, vivimos juntos y viajamos por el mundo, creciendo y amándonos por siempre. Tal vez esto ya pasó y es un recuerdo, me encanta poder recordarlo amor mío.

I love you

The make up of your existence in every moment is made up of the whole spectrum of believes, patterns and preconditions. We live as a consequence of our collective karma

Take the lack of self worth pattern, it manifest in opposite ways but the origin is the same, the oposite helps feed each other pattern of self worth. On one hand the pattern requires acceptance and on the other hand it promotes dislike and alienation. All to keep the pattern alive and give the sense of it being real. At the end of it all, no pattern is real ...

When several people come together under a unified vision, something magical happens. A new entity gets created that exceeds the sum of the parts. The unified strengths and qualities create opportunities that would have not been possible before, it is also true that in order to fulfill its purpose and become whole, each part needs to be aligned with the purpose. In this way the new entity becomes a vessel of transformation. Part of the process of creating a business is being aware of this process taking place and allowing the space needed for everyone to come into alignment. If there is an intention for the business to be pure, honest and hold higher values at its core, it might be a good idea to do the necessary things/steps to facilitate the process. Some of the things that might be needed are:

Kick off reunion of the members where the intention of the business is set.

Analysis of strengths, qualities and obstacles (individual and as a group)

Strategy to move forward under the identified conditions.

I know I tend to recruit people on my projects based more on my service vocation (wanting to help) then any other reason (ie. monetary) but I believe that if you start with the intention of transforming peoples lives the process might be more complicated but the result can be so much more powerful.

Once things are set in motion a destiny is carved based on the current pre-conditions. Lets say that as of today the business is doomed to fail, this might be due to the patterns and believes of the members based on their current state, but the idea in a purpose based business is to move past those limitations and transform ourselves into the version that is required to fulfill its vision.

Today Donald Trump won the 2016 USA Elections. It is a surreal experience, like being a a parallel universe where some event of this catastrophic magnitude would be possible. It made me question what is my role in this reality? Then I spoke to my dear friend Ian who gave me a slap in the face with the sweetest kindest you can possible have, he said the news just made him want to hug the world, his compassion was ignited and all he felt from this event is a deep unconditional towards humanity and the world. What a fresh perspective! Here I was trying to figure out how to fly away to a different part of the world to avoid what is coming here… How can I refocus my purpose? how can I be present with all that’s happening and what is coming?.

My mom says that Trump wining might be good for the world to be shaken and finally wake up, I wonder...

The birth of a fear happens so innocently; the instinct to protect yourself seams to be ingrained in the fabric of our existence and evolution. The fear of the unknown comes from the ilusión of time,

What is a fear?

Intention

Inertia, Motivation, Direction, Solidification of the knowledge

Accept yourself as who you perceive yourself to be

There is an inspiration floating in the space nearby, you catch a glimpse of it. You ask yourself I'm I the one bring it into this world? Do I have the Shakti available for it?

There is a powerful movement from the believe you are the doer, I wonder if most of creation comes from that feeling of being something that matters in this world... Was that emotion put there so that the action can unfold ?….

EVERYTHING YOU CARRY (BECAUSE ITS IMPORTANT) IS EMBUED WITH a personal sentiment

The flow of life, why are we here? what is this? what do you want? when the genuine search takes place you must bring yourself fully into it. Where does the search ends? what perceives this? the questions points to the revelation but there is no answer...

What is the nature of phenomena? the way that the elements come together to present a specific objector scene. I was drafting down the Monterey river watching the rock walls of the canyon go by in its unique magnificent splendor, then as if a message from beyond I zoomed out to realize that the specific experience I was currently having was not any specific thing but the sum total of everything I was enveloped with. The sky, the plants capable of gorwing through rock soil, the water rushing down the canyon valley, the specific clouds that happened to be in the sky that day. It was all being presented in the exact most beautiful way so that the very specific moment would be captured from a place of realization. I know now that my the way I looked at the world of fenomena would be forever changed... I'm not really sure how things open up apparently all of the sudden, it might have been the experience I just had with the humanitarian effort in Puebla, Mexico. Working non stop for a few days to build a house for a family living in-extreme poverty. That can definitely put a dent to your belief structure and open up the perception channel.

It has been a few years from that experience and slowly but steady tha channel keeps expanding and the view of the world of fenomena keeps changing in s free flowing unexpected way. I am now sitting in the first class cabin on my way to Telluride and I am promt3d to write down my experience of this world from where I am sitting right now. I look up to the person sitting in the row front of mine and there it is,

Have you ever wondered where do we exist? Is it an absolute fixed physical space? What if we exist in a relative space determined by the resonance of our unique vibration? I know it might sound wacky and complicated but bear with me for a few lines before you dismiss the idea. Imagine two people watching the exact same flower, in the absolute world both persons should be existing in the same space and seeing one fixed reality. Yet we all know this is not the case, what each person is going to see is determined by their uniqueness, this includes preferences, associations, state of mind, level of stress, and also perhaps the frequency they are currently vibrating at. Have you ever heard the saying "when you're in love everything tastes sweeter"? Well this might be even more true then what it seams…

What if the universe had infinite layers of existence and you would be having the specific experience based on the frequency you are vibrating at? We would all be experiencing a layer of the fabric of existence, the universe being the total sum of all that is being experienced eternally. I was contemplating on the meaning of absolute, my friend was pointing to the idea of absolute as being the nature of existence itself without being touched or perceived by anything. It reminds me of that contemplation on the nature of reality form that philosopher if nothing is there to perceive something does that something exists?

What is Kundalini? I am not going to write about what it is... i want to write about my experience of it and how it has impacted my life

I've contemplated on the effects of the Kundalini moving through the body, things like Shakti, divine energy, creative/sexual energy all seem to be interconnected if not mearly the same thing explained from different points of reference. What is it exactly keeps being a mystery to me. I remain in deep gratitude for the fortune of getting a glimpse of it.

I can describe some of the things that seam to be related to the kundalini:

The heart expands in a way that it no longer seems to be contained in the chest cavity

A sensation of floating above the world like in another dimension

Everything around fades away and only the two souls gathered in oneness exists

There could be a difference between Shakti and the divine love / connection in that this has an intelligence that acts without any self consideration. It exists independently to my wish or want or intention. It has its own agenda although in my experience it needs willing participation in order to fully express.

Sometimes I feel it is re-writing my life story all together, like being transformed from the inside out. It seams that destiny or preconditioning are no longer factors in my life. There is a sense of not knowing why and/or how things are unfolding in the way they are.

What is heart break? I feel my heart is being ripped open even bigger then it already was. How is this possible? I was already feeling that my heart was huge, not confined to my physical body huge. Now I feel it's being pulled apart and expanded to the breaking point. I am not able to stop it and I know that resisting it will only cause the heart to close down again and I pray to god for help to prevent this from happening. I have so many questions and yet I know that it don't matter, there is not a question I can ask that will bring him back. What is sorrow? What is this pain that feels so much like the pain from being away from my beloved but now without hope to ever being with him again. All dreams shattered into oblivion. I've been here before, this pain is so familiar but the depth is even deeper. How to love him living me? How to absolutely love without any trace of resistance?

The bigger the heart the bigger the pain

This is happening for me, why?

Possibilities:

So that I can keep having that love inside me even without him.

So that I can be in service of love, universal love

So that I can transcend the sense of self and belonging

So that I can learn to trust without expectation

So that I can learn to let go of that which is my deepest desire

To have the opportunity to do things right.

Los pensamientos son el producto del estado en el que se encuentra la conciencia en el momento. El estado de conciencia que se tiene en un momento determinado viene dado por varios factores, entre ellos esta:

Parte Física: Como esta el cuerpo, si esta saludable y sin dolencias, si se durmió bien la noche anterior o si se alimento adecuadamente, etc.

Parte Emocional: Las emociones se activan dependiendo a los miedos limitaciones y perjuicios programados en nuestras personalidades. Cuando alguna de nuestras creencias se ve amenazada, salta el miedo a estar expuesto al dolor, de sentirse que no se esta a salvo, de no estar protegido, de fracasar, de equivocarse, etc. La confusión es el estado mental que viene cuando las emociones comienzan a procesarse.

Parte Mental: La mente puede ser un instrumento de sanación o de enfermedad, dependiendo de la intención que nos pongamos y de la fortaleza y determinación para afrontar el miedo y transcender hacia un estado mas elevado de conciencia. todos los miedos se pueden limpiar, sanar y transcender, la mente puede ser aliada o enemiga, pero siempre al final es importante tener claro que has de soltar la mente para finalizar el proceso de sanción. Mi proceso mental ha disminuido considerablemente a través del tiempo, me he dado cuanta que realmente no hace falta para sanar y por eso paso muy poco tiempo pensando...

Si bien no es fácil y tal vez requiera practica, saber como procesar los sentimientos y estar entrenado en la practica de la contemplación y del “clearing” es vital para sanar la confusión, miedos, limitaciones, etc. Si no se sabe como actuar cuando vienen las emociones, se corre el riesgo de que la parte mental se ponga al mando y en vez de ser un proceso constructivo resulte en un proceso dañino y enfermizo.

Al principio es útil usar la mente de la manera adecuada para poner en perspectiva la emoción o miedo y poder verlo profundamente. Esta parte es tal vez la que cuesta mas, hasta donde el pensamiento es útil y cuando se debe dejar caer la historia para entrar de manera total en las emociones. La mente es un buffer que mantiene a distancia la emoción para evitar el dolor, se requiere fortaleza y determinación para sacrificar el ego y rendirse al dolor pero una vez que se logra el proceso es mucho mas rápido de lo que se pensaba. Cuando uno lleva mucho tiempo haciendo clearing te das cuenta que ese momento de letting go es el mas importante y cada vez lo haces mas rápido y con menos drama.

En conclusión, las emociones son señales de que hay algún miedo que tienes que procesar, la idea es recordar que no hay nada que no se pueda limpiar, el resultado es claridad y expansión que es nuestro estado natural del Ser

Que es el perdón? creo que es importante saber que se dan diferentes niveles de perdón dependiendo de la magnitud de la sanción que se da como resultado de soltar el rencor. la herida que se crea por el resentimiento, la culpa, el dolor de una perdida, la traición, etc. se crea a nivel mental, emocional, espiritual y tal vez físico si se convierte en patología. El poder del perdón es milagroso y puede llegar a transcender todos los planos si el perdón es total y profundo. Me pregunto por que entonces no escoger perdonar totalmente en vez de ir soltando poco a poco, intuyo que puede haber un tema de que al perdonar profundamente estarías perdonando a todos los que contribuyeron a crear esa herida y muchas veces uno ni sabe quiénes son o cuales fueron los detalles de la circunstancia ya que en aquel momento tal vez lo que se quería era olvidar en vez de perdonar…

En fin el tema se puede complicar sin llegar necesariamente a entenderlo mas claramente. Que es el perdón? para mi es una especie de soltar algo que llevaba apretado sin darme cuenta, se siente como un alivio y se expande el pecho y el cuerpo como consecuencia de ese release energético. Entiendo que ahora mismo estoy procesando un perdón muy profundo, a tal punto que me ha afectado fisicamente el cuerpo y ha permitido que me siente a contemplar si soy capaz de perdonar totalmente.

La pregunta adecuada creo que seria, por que pienso que he de perdonar a alguien? que es lo que hace que piense que alguien puede hacerme algo en primer lugar? Es curioso porque si bien lo tengo claro, pareciera que mi relación esta trayendo heridas del pasado y tal vez de otras vidas para ser vistas y sanadas. No creo que tenga que ver con que no podré confiar mas en el, tal vez es que no soy capaz de perdonar todas las veces que me han traicionado o mentido o engañado o faltado el respeto (todo esta dentro del mismo tema). Si mas bien el ha hecho exactamente lo que corresponde hacer para que yo lo pueda ver claramente! si bien es verdad que ahora creo que nadie puede hacerme daño, esto que ha pasado va mas allá de una simple traición, esto se extiendo en el tiempo a todos los rincones de mi existencia para finalmente soltar y darme cuenta que no hay ni nunca hubo nada que perdonar.

Que hay detrás de la ilusión de la tracción? pareciera que tiene que ver con necesitar validación, expectativa de una experiencia de vida donde no haya nada que desvalida mi sentido de valor o de importancia. Definitivamente el ego tiene maneras muy sutiles y sofisticadas de garantizar su permanencia. En conclusion mi ego necesita ser entendido y justificar su existencia, por eso pasa tanto tiempo dandole vueltas al tema, para así garantizar su existencia y la permanencia del miedo en el subconsciente. Cuando el amor crece de tal manera que se desborda y no se puedo parar, el ego se asusta, ve que no funcionan las viejas tácticas y para garantizar su supervivencia abre las puertas del subconsciente dejando pasar mas obscuridad de la que uno puedo manejar. Lo curioso es que solo así se puede sanar profundamente, llegando a ver toda las obscuridad y dandole luz, amor, comprensión, recontextualizando el tema para que fluya y se sanen las heridas del pasado.

Claro que cuando uno ha pasado toda una vida o mas! agarrando fuertemente el pensamiento de traición o rencor, se hace mella a nivel físico y el release de toxinas puede hacer que uno se enferme. Ahora tengo claro que el darme cuenta de la “traición” hizo que tuviera que soltar todos los rencores, entiendo que ya lo había perdonado, incluso antes de saberlo, porque no hay un mundo en el cual yo sea capaz de vivir en rencor. Ese es el milagro del amor, El es mi sanción y ahora se que ya no tengo miedo.

I keep having this recurring feeling of falling and falling and falling that doesn't stop, like there is no end to the falling. I keep thinking it's almost over but then it keeps falling... I know it's only the current perception I'm having of everything because I'm clearing probably one of the biggest attachment i’ve ever had. It started right before Brian's retreat on the karmic play, everything got entangled and all that was safely put away in the darkest corner of my mind got stirred up and blasted out. Now I am left with this constant experience of falling and feeling unsafe / suffocation

I know it will eventually go away and I also know I have no way of knowing how much longer it's going to last. I keep breathing and going through each day praying that I will get through it and maybe tomorrow I'll wake up from this nightmare. When I am present enough to notice I can see what is always present beyond the pain

I cant even be there for Alex right now, I know he needs me and I'm not capable of connecting to our love to help me during this transition. I isolate myself from being in the love frequency as punishment for thinking I don't deserve the life I want

I feel life is unfair and mean, I feel this hole inside when I try to do my best and all I can see in return is ingratitude and unfairness. Then I try to justify the unfairness by dismissing what's happening and convincing myself that the reason for this pain is to heal my wounds, and then I try to clear it emotionally and energetically but I am afraid I am mostly manipulating things so I can move through this as fast and painless as possible. Can I find a shortcut? Do I have to go through this? How can I be authentic and remain true to my path? Right at this second all I want to do is run away and hide from the pain...

I need help, oh lord please have mercy on me, ease my pain of that is possible without limiting the healing and growth that needs to happen. Help me surrender completely and let go of any attachment that is preventing the light to shine completely through and remove the darkness and the pain.

My experience has proven If I don’t ask for help when fear shows up, isolation is where I’ll end up. I am so used to doing it by myself I don’t know how to ask for help. And when the people that love me try to help me I get defensive and push them away. I know Alex is always there for me yet I am not allowing him to get close right now, I don’t know how to allow people to help me. I wish I could learn how to receive the help and support I need.

I allow all the help and support I need to heal the wounds that are preventing the complete flow of divine light.

About Basic Fears

The portal to creative force It is a mystery to me how magical this world of energy can be. When the shakti is activated inside there is a shift in the way life is experienced, everything becomes extrasensory, what you focus on gets affected significantly with what ever vibe your giving it. I very often wonder how it all works. how alchemy is connected to shakti, intention, mantra, enchantment, yes I know it all sounds like abra cadabra but the more I contemplate on it the more I think like we actually do live in a magical world. I am surely grateful for the gift of sensory enhancement. To live a life filled with wonder and inspiration, yes there is more crying than usual but it is definitely worth it.

So resulting from the contemplation I have had so far, the idea that the creative force its actually a field where energy is ever available to tap into and use in any way needed is most surely appealing in so many ways. Not sure if this is true or not, just a possibility i’ve considered based on my own creative process and how the more I focus on a project the more energy I feel vibrating around it. It has come to my attention lately that life is made up of the little efforts made to create a better experience of life and this world a better place to live. I wonder if the mind is able to be convinced that the effort is what brings the joy if then the effort will be perceived as an enjoyable thing to do instead of a dreadful one… Freedom comes from lack of resistance or total acceptance of what is. How to access the creative force? have you aver noticed what remains after a major clearing? this feeling of abundance, inspiration and joy. The creative force is what remains after the confusion is cleared, when there is no more confusion the total state of enlightenment is achieved and you are one with the creative force all the time

The portal to creative force

It is a mystery to me how magical this world of energy can be. When the shakti is activated inside there is a shift in the way life is experienced, everything becomes extrasensory, what you focus on gets affected significantly with what ever vibe your giving it. I very often wonder how it all works. how alchemy is connected to shakti, intention, mantra, enchantment, yes I know it all sounds like abra cadabra but the more I contemplate on it the more I think like we actually do live in a magical world.

I am surely grateful for the gift of sensory enhancement. To live a life filled with wonder and inspiration, yes there is more crying than usual but it is definitely worth it. So resulting from the contemplation I have had so far, the idea that the creative force is actually a field where energy is ever available to tap into and use in any way needed is most surely appealing in so many ways. Not sure if this is true or not, just a possibility i’ve considered based on my own creative process and how the more I focus on a project the more energy I feel vibrating around it.

It has come to my attention lately that life is made up of the little efforts made to create a better experience of life and this world a better place to live. I wonder if the mind is able to be convinced that the effort is what brings the joy if then the effort will be perceived as an enjoyable thing to do instead of a dreadful one… Freedom comes from lack of resistance or total acceptance of what is. How to access the creative force? have you aver noticed what remains after a major clearing? this feeling of abundance, inspiration and joy. The creative force is what remains after the confusion is cleared, when there is no more confusion the total state of enlightenment is achieved and you are one with the creative force all the time

Que significa confiar? tener fe? como lograr un estado de completa confianza? de donde vienen las dudas?

Puede ser que yo no este permitiendo un espacio de honestidad, siento que tal vez no soy tolerante conmigo misma y eso puede verse reflejado en la conducta de las personas que mas amo por miedo a decepcionarme. La ironía es que la falta de tolerancia no contribuye a evitar la percepción de error y el sentimiento de decepción, mas bien garantiza su repetición en el tiempo. En el fondo lo que persigue la falta de tolerancia es crear un sentimiento de decepción que necesita ser alimentado de vez en cuando para garantizar su supervivencia.

La decepción pareciera ser otro lado del mismo miedo de ser traicionada. Pensé que todo lo que tenia que hacer era tener fe y confianza, que esa era la manera de sanar el miedo,,, Es posible que la confianza y la fe es lo que queda después de haber limpiado el miedo y no se logra alcanzar la plenitud hasta haber limpiado el miedo. Can I Surender completely to what is? Que pasaría si decido rendirme plenamente a la voluntad de Dios? Como puedo soltar mi apego a tener la razón? soltar mi necesidad de saber? disolver el sentido de prepotencia para dejar brillar la humildad que permite sanar los apegos de la personalidad y del ego?.

Que hay detrás de mi miedo a fracasar? En el fondo no existe un “yo” a quien se pueda decepcionar, la identificación con el sentimiento de decepción crea la idea de que hay alguien que puede fracasar. Es acaso la decepción lo que impide la confianza? Cual es el miedo primordial que se oculta detrás de la decepción? La decepción es un sentimiento que se crea para proteger el miedo primordial, para esconderlo o dejarlo en la obscuridad? Si no hay un “yo” como tal que pueda fracasar tal vez el miedo es saber que no existo?

Que pasaría si pudiera comprender profundamente que no existo? Como puedo comprobar sin lugar a dudas que el “yo” no existe? Dios, muéstrame lo que impide realizar esta verdad totalmente, quiero aprovechar todas las oportunidades de ver como el “yo” no existe, ayúdame a soltar los apegos del ego y a sobrepasar los obstáculos que impiden la realización total de la verdad.

PRACTICE:

HUMILITY

SURRENDER

ACCEPTANCE

GRATITUDE

LOVE

Insights:

• About The fabric of existence: sacred geometry. I saw the fabric of existence as a web of diamond like cells, each with its unique frequency

• The mind is trying to control by resisting

• We are consciousness in the form of pure awareness. We are that all the time, we can't see it because the attention is placed somewhere else

• Love is never wrong

• We are all one (a whole) having a unique experience

• There is no separation from the whole, our mind is what divides us

• About Causality and Control

We just pretend to be in control when in reality we are never in control of anything. It's like we superimpose our thoughts over the reality that manifests so that we can make it our own, and that gives us the illusion that we are in control. It's almost like an after thought. Like Sri Nisargadatta says: Once you create for yourself a world in time and space, governed by causality, you are bound to search for and find causes for everything. You put the question and impose an answer.

Why worry so much about causality if everything passes?. Why catch hold of something and inquire about its causes? The flow of life will not stop because I need to understand something... to influence events I don't need to know it's cause. I am the beginning and the end of my own experience, I can just control it at the source

What if instead of it being an afterthought we could place the attention right before the reality manifests, would we have the same experience of the reality? Or would it give us the sense that we are creating the reality? What if we resist what's to come? Will knowing what's to come help accept it? Or acceptance, resistance and surrender have nothing to do with knowing what will take place?

• The key that unlocks the door tu pure awareness is surrender. The motion of letting go, relaxing every cell of the body to dissolve into WHAT IS brings about the experience of consciousness

• Time and space is a construct of our experience. In reality everything exists simultaneously. During the ayawaska I could move to different realms or moments in time by placing your attention there

Que es el perdón? creo que es importante darse cuenta que se puede perdonar a varios niveles. Dependiendo de la magnitud de la sanción que sucede como resultado de soltar el rencor. La herida que se crea por el resentimiento, la culpa, el dolor de una perdida, la traición, etc. se crea a nivel mental, emocional, espiritual y tal vez físico si se convierte en patología. El poder del perdón es milagroso y puede llegar a transcender todos los planos si el perdón es total y profundo. Me pregunto por que entonces no escoger perdonar totalmente en vez de ir soltando poco a poco, intuyo que puede haber un tema de que al perdonar profundamente estarías perdonando a todos los que contribuyeron a crear esa herida y muchas veces uno ni sabe quiénes son o cuales fueron los detalles de la circunstancia ya que en aquel momento tal vez lo que se quería era olvidar en vez de perdonar…

En fin el tema se puede complicar sin llegar necesariamente a entenderlo mas claramente. Que es el perdón? para mi es una especie de soltar algo que llevaba apretado sin darme cuenta, se siente como un alivio y se expande el pecho y el cuerpo como consecuencia de ese release energético. Entiendo que ahora mismo estoy procesando un perdón muy profundo, a tal punto que me ha afectado fisicamente el cuerpo y ha permitido que me siente a contemplar si soy capaz de perdonar totalmente.

La pregunta adecuada creo que seria, por que pienso que he de perdonar a alguien? que es lo que hace que piense que alguien puede hacerme algo en primer lugar? Es curioso porque si bien lo tengo claro, pareciera que mi relación con Alex esta trayendo heridas del pasado y tal vez de otras vidas para ser vistas y sanadas. No creo que tenga que ver con que no podré confiar mas en el, tal vez es que no soy capaz de perdonar todas las veces que me han traicionado o mentido o engañado o faltado el respeto (todo esta dentro del mismo tema). Si mas bien Alex ha hecho exactamente lo que corresponde hacer para que yo lo pueda ver claramente!!! si bien es verdad que ahora creo que nadie puede hacerme daño, esto que ha pasado con Alex va mas allá de una simple traición, esto se extiendo en el tiempo a todos los rincones de mi existencia para finalmente soltar y darme cuenta que no hay ni nunca hubo nada que perdonar.

Que hay detrás de la ilusión de la tracción? pareciera que tiene que ver con necesitar validación, la expectativa de una experiencia de vida donde no haya nada que desvalida mi sentido de valor o de importancia. Definitivamente el ego tiene maneras muy sutiles y sofisticadas de garantizar su permanencia. En conclusion mi ego necesita ser entendido y justificar su existencia, por eso pasa tanto tiempo dandole vueltas al tema, para así garantizar su existencia y la permanencia del miedo en el subconsciente. Cuando el amor crece de tal manera que se desborda y no se puedo parar, el ego se asusta, ve que no funcionan las viejas tácticas y para garantizar su supervivencia abre las puertas del subconsciente dejando pasar mas obscuridad de la que uno puedo manejar. Lo curioso es que solo así se puede sanar profundamente, llegando a ver toda las obscuridad y dandole luz, amor, comprensión, recontextualizando el tema para que fluya y se sanen las heridas del pasado.

Claro que cuando uno ha pasado toda una vida o mas! agarrando fuertemente el pensamiento de traición o rencor, se hace mella a nivel físico y el release de toxinas puede hacer que uno se enferme como me ha pasado a mi. Ahora tengo claro que el darme cuenta de la “traición” de Alex hizo que tuviera que soltar todos los rencores y por eso me enferme, entiendo que ya lo había perdonado, incluso antes de saberlo, porque no hay un mundo en el cual yo sea capaz de vivir sin el. Ese es el milagro de nuestra relación, El es mi sanción y ahora se que mas nunca lo va a hacer porque ya no tengo miedo.

The face relaxes when you stop identifying with your body

Not having an opinion doesn't mean you have to agree. It means you are allowing the space for the truth to come out

Why do I feel needy? Why does it affect me so much? even little things like him not calling me on time or not knowing what he’s thinking affect me 😔

I feel like I am suffocating, is this possessiveness? jealousy? what is this? i’ve never felt this way before, it doesn’t seem healthy… How can I be loving and understanding? 👁💓 I think it has to do with choosing to do the oposite then what I am feeling… It could be that alex feels guilty and I am connecting to his guilt. Either way it is clear that what ever its coming up for clearing can be healed by going back to the love and trust between us. That eternal and never changing space where our love exist.

I find myself in a suspended state right now, just watching and observing how all the plans and ideas of what my life would look like fade away… It started happening when I met my beloved, I didn’t know it back then but a subtle energy was already in the works changing title by title the course of my life. There was resistance sometimes but I have to say it was mostly surrender to what I now know to be my destiny. There isn’t a single cell in my body that doesn’t belong to my beloved. I no longer think of any thing I want to do that doesn’t involve him. When I am not close to him I go by my life in the best way possible but there is always in the background the sense that I am not where I should be (with him).

I am aware that if this contemplation was read without a context, it would seem a bit unhealthy if not borderline pathological. But having said that, I also know that I have never felt more certain that this is the path I am supposed to follow and that only healing, growth and enlightenment will come from it. It is a heroes journey and the strength to follow it is in me because of him. Allowing this connection to exist takes courage. Just being capable and open to be loved in the most pure and sublime way is already a miracle. Unlike a normal state of being in love, the miracle of our love comes from the power of being seen as divine beings, the love I feel inside is his love for me and the love he feels inside is my love for him. This cosmic alchemy creates the feeling of trust and being safe, it gradually dissolves any fear and insecurity standing in the way of complete surrender.

What does a day in our life look like? when I wake up by his side and we start the day by honoring each other, expressing gratitude for the fortune of being together. We take the time to savor all the title things we share and offer each other. We wake up early to meditate for 30-45min and set the intention for the day, then we have a green juice and workout for 30-45min. Then take a shower and have breakfast with some nice music in the background. By 9 am we are ready to work on our projects, we work part time in service to others and in the afternoons we focus on our profit based projects. Then in the evening we meet for a walk or a hike and enjoy the sun setting in the horizon. We come back home and cook some delicious dinner listening to romantic music and laughing to our silly jokes. Before going to bed we take some time to play the cajon, write or read until we are called to bed and our bodies merge with each other in perfect union. Next day is a different adventure all together but no matter what other things we are doing we always find the time to meditate, walk and do something creative each day.

Writing this thoughts down helps me see beyond the illusion or believe that there is anything that needs to be done. What a day in my life with him looks like is not about what we do but about what we are being. It’s in the knowing that we are exactly where we’re supposed to be. And what ever we do comes from that space of being not doing.

Having my nephew over for a summer internship gave me the precious gift of reflecting about building blocks of human existence and how they get drafted and carved into our subconscious at an early age. It provided the insights that could be interesting to keep present when we are stuck in the mud (which happens to all of us, more often then not)

So here is the advise I gave to my nephew.

Dear Daniel, I know without any reservation that when y0u build the motivation you need inside, y0u will achieve anything you set yourself to accomplish. The question y0u need to ask yourself is: what am I willing to sacrifice to get what my heart desires? The key word being sacrifice It is very interesting to see how that word keeps changing its meaning as maturity keeps growing. Today the word sacrifice has a positive ring to it. It is the omen for success. It morphs into the opportunity to overcome any obstacle.

Anyone who has had a taste at being creative can attest that the process of creation requires sacrifice. Doubt, suffering and transformation are often the threshold to the creative process. Creati0n and destruction go hand by hand. When y0u learn to see the other side of creation (sacrifice, suffering, fear, etc.) as a necessary portal to manifest anything in this world, you realize that if you flow and accept openly, everything flows more freely then when you resist what is necessary to do. Resistance to suffering is something we learn early on. People that find ha tenido una vida creativa te puede confirmar que el proceso de creación requiere de sacrificio, pasar por momentos de duda, sufrimiento y transformación. La creación y la destrucción van mano a mano, cuando aprendes a ver el otro lado de la creación (sacrificio, sufrimiento, miedo, etc) como necesario para poder manifestar algo en este mundo, te das cuenta que si aceptas abiertamente todo fluye mucho mas rápido que cuando resistes lo que se requiere hacer. La resistencia al sufrimiento es algo que aprendemos a hacer desde temprana edad. Se requiere de madurez darte cuenta que es esa resistencia la que te mantiene atascado en la vida. La gente que consigue la valentía de enfrentar el miedo y aceptar el sufrimiento de manera incondicional es la que logra fluir con paz y motivación por la vida.

Para mi nunca es muy tarde para comenzar. Se que cuando estés listo vas a poder retomar tu deseo de cambiar con mayor determinación, no te des por vencido, yo siempre estaré en tu vida para apoyarte cuando estés listo. Me gustaría recapitular todas las cosas que hablamos estas semanas en caso que te pueda ser de utilidad en un futuro:

Por que hacer un Detox?

Para salir de la inercia que te mantiene preso e incapacitado se requiere de una transformación a nivel celular, mental y vital, esta transformación comienza con una simple decision (una idea) de querer salir de la inercia, cualquier persona puede comenzar el proceso pero para completar el proceso se requiere de una determinación incondicional, es por eso que mucha gente no logra salir de la inercia y se queda atrapada en un mundo de vicios y frustraciones.

Por que los hábitos son importantes?

Hemos hablado mucho sobre los hábitos y la importancia de cambiar la vibración mental y corporal para crear la energía vital necesaria para tener una vida productiva. Los malos hábitos incluye falta de descanso, falta de ejercicio, alimentación inadecuada, fumar, conectar con contenido tóxico que viene del social media, tv, video juegos, etc. Es un ciclo vicioso que crea una dependencia difícil de romper. Sobre todo requiere de estar presente y ser consciente de las decisiones que estas tomando para alimentar el ciclo vicioso, mientras estas inmerso en el ciclo es virtualmente imposible estar presente. Por eso es importante tomarse un break donde uno se aisle de todo este contenido tóxico, te sugiero que consigas este tiempo para ti, estoy segura que te va a ayudar cuando estés listo.

Por que es importante perdonar?

Cada instante que pasas con resentimiento en tu corazón es una perdida de tiempo y limita la capacidad de amarte a ti mismo. Amor es la clave para poder perdonar, el resentimiento te mantiene atrapado en una cápsula de represión y la represión del dolor lleva a la depresión. La música que reprime los sentimientos te mantiene en un estado depresivo disfrazado, en tu mente la cantante Adele es depresiva pero es una mis concepción de represión vs. depresión. La represión de sentimientos vs. la expresión de sentimientos, represión mantiene el dolor dentro y la expresión hace que el dolor se disipe (expresión = liberación) Se que si pasas un tiempo pensando en esto vas a llegar a la misma conclusion por tu propios medios.

La motivación se encuentra dentro de ti

Cuando te das cuenta que la motivación se crea dentro de ti y no es algo que viene de afuera tu percepción de lo que te gusta hacer cambia completamente. Es muy difícil que a uno le guste hacer algo sin cultivar la motivación y la curiosidad por las cosas. Para eso se tiene que re-entrenar la mente, crear el habito de tener curiosidad y fomentar interés. La motivación viene después que tu curiosidad por algo comienza a tener mas y mas interés, un día te das cuenta que después de un periodo de interés nace la motivación y cuando la motivación crece suficiente viene la inspiración. No solo es posible sino que es nuestra verdadera naturaleza. Para mi la inspiración es uno de los regalos mas maravillosos que te da la vida y deseo de todo corazón para ti que puedas tener una vida creativa llena de inspiración.

When the heart is open, the mind is clear

Te quiero mucho

You can only encaounter your life in the present moment. Ask yourself what is your relationship with your mind. Life always reflects back to you your predominant state of consciousness.

See how problems can not exist in the present moment. Going deeper into now to the point that you are one with the present moment. Gratitude is an essential component that enables to be present in the now. Openness friendly ness and acceptance

State of surrender to now it being a friendly relationship to the present moment

What is it about money and entitlement?! Being in China now for a few days I’ve seen how new affluent people have been impacted by the power of wealth. There is this entitlement that comes with having money. It is embedded in the subconscious of the people that serve the rich too. So it works both ways. How can something so flimsy have such a noticeable impact in the life you get. Something so fleeting, you can have it one day and loose it the next. So I decided to write about this.

I’ve been paying attention to the why and then the how and here is what I’ve noticed

Entitlement comes from the believe that you deserve something and you are to get it in the way you wish to have it. The bigger the entitlement the greater the expectation. Very often the entitlement comes from power, power by the amount of money you have is what we find most often.

What is life but a series of thoughts, think bigger I remember visionary people saying this over and over as if some kind of mantra. Why then do we tend to have limiting thoughts more often then not?

Have you ever noticed all the layers that appear before you’re able to see the truth?. Every time I look at myself I see layers of the person that I identify with. What do I mean by layers? It’s hard to describe, I imagine each person sees themselves in a different way so my description might not make much sense to someone else. My encounter with this person happens often when I’m in silence, I get a sense that there is someone there that’s not me and this person has a particular feel in accordance with what is wearing, it wears many costumes, depending on what is showing up that day or that moment. What shows up is always an aspect of that person that I identify as myself.

This person that I identify with is what separates me from the presence, remove the person and what is left is presence. What is the person then? it is interesting that the more I look for myself the less of a person I can find. Basically the person is the sum of all thoughts and believes that create the experience of life I am having. All this thoughts and believes are cemented in my memory. Actions and events taking place and the misunderstanding of thinking I am the memory that is left of them.

What allows the person to dissolve? Attention to the thoughts that arise, observing the emotions and how the thoughts that come from these emotions are just their natural output, impersonal and fleeting their not real. Being aware that this is not who you are creates the space required for inquiry. Asking who is having the thought might be helpful in loosen the grip on the situation, good or bad, if there is identification and attachment, there is no freedom.

How do we create a space where real inquiry can happen? I’ve noticed how resisting the thought or emotion creates tension and a concentration of attention on the situation, resistance = tension. How to let go and release? the secret rests in looking through the cracks, seeing past the turbulence of the thoughts and emotions is not easy, one has to create the habit of seeing past them, observing their impermanent nature. I use several tricks in the process, relaxing the gaze helps release the hold/attachment that creates the tension. Breathing is helpful in creating a bigger space and inquiry helps me see the opening in the cracks, always asking from a place of wonder without trying to find the answer.

Why is acceptance important? Sometimes I don’t agree with a certain observation about me from a person or loved one. Or maybe I agree because i’ve heard it many times so I think it must be true but in reality I am not able to see it myself. In most cases what happens is that they are able to see one of my layers but I am blind to it. True acceptance is equal to seeing it clearly, until I am able to see it for myself I can’t begin the process of letting go. And when do I get to see it clearly? is it when I want to or when I am ready? Do I even have a choice before I am ready? All I can ask is for help on the path to getting there…

Prayer and intention help. And this brings me to one last point on the topic of acceptance. How do you pray and set an intention that is effective? I was talking to a friend about this and she had a perspective that I am still pondering. She said that prayer and intention need to be placed in the present moment, as if it was already as it should be. I mentioned that I am able to authentically do that sometimes, only when I already have a level of clarity on what I am praying for. In my case, only after there has been enough healing am I able to see it clearly and have acceptance. But when there is resistance or emotional attachment I am not able to see clearly and I am moved to pray to God for help. I am not sure why it is this way, is it limiting my ability to accept?

To be continued until I get more clarity on the subject...

Me preguntas por que te perdono cada vez que entras en estos episodios de auto castigo. Te explico, se que las cosas que haces provienen de un proceso de limpieza y disolución de tu ego, como ya sabes mi amor por ti transciende tu ego y se que ninguna de tus ofensas son personales ni proviene de tu verdadero ser, siempre he admirado tu determinación de seguir en tu camino espiritual. Todos los maestros dicen que uno no elige el camino sino el camino te elige a ti cuando estas preparado. Nada de esto te estaría pasando si no estuvieras preparado. Por eso te decía que te subestimas.

Ayer estaba oyendo a Mooji hablar sobre este tema, el titulo del video era “don’t go to sleep when your chance for freedom is so alive” lo que te esta pasando (que tiene que ver con el dark night of the soul) demuestra que tu chance de liberación esta mas vivo que nunca, por eso lo que dice Mooji de no darse por vencido e irse a dormir cuando tu chance de liberación esta tan vivo. El proceso de liberación o “awakening” remueve todo aquello que mantiene el ego intacto, cuando el ego se ve amenazado, energías negativas comienzan a invadir las emociones y confundir la mente (el las llama dark energies)

El propósito de estas energías es sabotear el proceso de liberación, son dudas, miedos y paranoia que mientras mas le das bola mas sufrimiento provoca. Para no volverte loco tienes dos opciones, una es darte por vencido y dejarte llevar por estas energías sin resistir (go back to sleep) y la otra es no hacerles caso hasta que pasen. Si inviertes tiempo mental en alimentar estas energías tu cuerpo mental, físico y emocional comienzan a deteriorarse. El primer paso para vencer estos ataques es darse cuenta que existen y no son reales pero es casi imposible darse cuenta mientras estas dentro de su influencia. Mooji habla de entrar en la presencia (el lugar donde la mente no puede pasar), mantra, yoga, ejercicio y rezar ayudan también. Pero la mejor herramienta que tienes es nuestro amor que es eterno y existe siempre que te conectes con el, esta disponible en todo momento y su luz tiene el poder de acabar con cualquier miedo o energía negativa que pueda surgir. Lo cierto es que si logras no alimentar las energías ellas se van debilitando en la misma medida que tu verdadero Ser se fortalece.

Lo que has de entender es que no importa con quien estés o si estas solo, si quieres seguir en este camino, transcender el ego y los miedos es parte del proceso. Ser autentico y honesto es importante para salir adelante, se que para ti la mentira no tiene mucha importancia pero te pido que lo revalúes, la mentira solo trae mas mentiras. Cuando uno se libera la gente a tu alrededor es la que se beneficia mas. Es por eso que te pregunto que quieres decir con dedicarte a tus hijos volviendo a tu vida anterior… si quieres dedicarte verdaderamente a tus hijos no hay nada mejor que ser autentico y transcender tus miedos.

The question I ask is: Do I need to agree in order to accept?. does agreeing with what is makes the situation better? Or change in any way? The disagreement dindnt come from the situation anyway. I see acceptance is never about the situation but about meeting with understanding the thoughts I am having about the situation. Knowing that the thoughts I am having are my own and in understanding them I can find my freedom. I can’t authentically accept WHAT IS if I am having a thought about the situation that is disturbing my peace. How can I be allowing and accepting with what is if I can’t be allowing and accepting with my self?

Knowing this doesn’t always help in the moment that is happening. Where does the understanding come from? How can I be understanding with myself when the thoughts I am having are harsh and judgemental? My mind tries to find actions and strategies to be more understanding but it might not be possible. There is nothing to do because understanding is not an action. It’s a state of being. Meeting my own thoughts with understanding requieres an open heart and a loving disposition. When I find that understanding inside me, the thoughts and judgements dissolve and true acceptance is what it’s left

When I’ve learned to meet my thoughts with understanding, I meet the world with understanding. When I own my share in something, I just feel humility without the slightest urge to defend myself, it leaves me completely vulnerable.

In my experience, confusion is the only suffering. Confusion is when I argue with WHAT IS. When I’m perfectly clear, WHAT IS is what I want. So when I want something that is not WHAT IS, I know that I am very confused. My constant mission in life is to take the misery out of everything. It sounds huge but in reality it’s very simple because there really isn’t anything, there is only the story I make of everything. And not even that...

“Make your thinking orderly and free from emotional overtones, and you will see people and things as they are, with clarity and charity” Sri Nisargadatta Majaraj

two things going on simultaneously:

the coming and going of happiness

the ever present silence that exists in the background

I often wonder why we’ve created this world, so complicated when all we want is to be happy. Should it be more simple? why the colorful tapestry of options available when none of them are the source of happiness? Today it occurred to me that maybe the problem is thinking that happiness needs to be a permanent state. But life is always changing, that is the nature of existing in this body and at this time. the ever flowing play of nature. I am the joy not the interpretation I give the fleeting moment of how amazing being happy is. So if I connect to the level of ever present silence that exists in the background, the play of life is still going on but from that space I am the happiness

In nature nothing is at stand still, everything pulsates, appears and disappears, nothing stays the same. No use rebelling against the pattern of life

If I want immutable i need to go beyond the experience. No particular thought can be minds natural state, only silence

Silence is always happening

Every experience happens against the background of silence

The present moment is the only moment there is all the time. No matter in which moment we are there is only the now at any present moment. In the now the experience of the moment is given by the focus of the attention. Have you ever notice how things are transformed depending on the mood you are in? I wonder, were does this mood come from? why is it that sometimes I feel good and sometimes I don’t. It seems that most of the time the thoughts have a very important role in shaping the experience of life you are having. But sometimes it appears that the mood is not originated in any one particular thought. It could be coming from a sense of well being, or from a stomach ache. Then you could say that the experience of life is transformed also by physical conditions. But why is it then that on rare occasions there is good mood despite the state of the physical body?. Or bad mood?. What is it specifically that gives the experience of the present moment its mood? where does expansion come from? where does contractions come from? the focus of the attention then plays a big role in the way you get to experience the present moment.

Take for example the degree of attachment or detachment you have to a certain condition. If the condition doesn’t take over then you could say you are detached from it and no mood change takes place. In the contrary if for some reason you get pulled by the condition and hence it takes over your experience, then your focus gets completely absorbed as if you where the condition itself. The more you get to see this phenomena, the more you get to realize that you are not your body nor your thoughts, nor your mood, those things just happen and you decide to focus on them or not and then if you focus on them you get to decide if you want to become them. Not sure decision plays any role on this. Perhaps you don’t have an option about this. Your attention gets pulled to where it is drawn and it is drawn because you cant help it.

But then something else comes along. The feeling that you are all of it and at the same time it is not personal. This space provides a very internist experience, it can only happen when you are present to the moment. I marvel at the process of the mind, how it plays different roles in the experience of life we are having. It is up to the mind and yet not at all. Take for instance my discomfort towards a certain person. I have good reason to be resented, the situation were I felt pain took place and the discomfort is the consequence of the residue of the unhealed wound. All that takes place while I get to see it, I watch the discomfort happen but I am not the discomfort, I can choose to be aware of it and know that its completely normal and that I don’t have to focus on it to the point of being taken by it. I can just be the witness of it all unfolding in front of me.

Clarity happens when there is no resistance to the arising thoughts. Truth is always present, thoughts and emotion clouds the truth and creates the vail of separation. When the thoughts stop and emotion is seen from the distance the truth starts to reveal itself. There is no need to go find the truth, it never goes away.

I wonder often why I have the experience of life I get to have. Sometimes I wonder what it’s all about. Each human being gets to participate in life having a different and unique experience tailored precisely to match the participant in the most perfect way. So an event takes place and the participant perceives it acording to its mental, físical and spiritual structure. That is why each experience is unique, because there is no two people alike.

How fascinating is the play of creation, no two things are alike, that is the nature of existence. When this understanding is fully embraced something magical happens in the way life is experienced. The drive to be and look like others is replaced by the easiness of being unique and perfectly so. The whole fisical body is affected by this understanding, not because it’s special to be unique but quite the opposite, there is no need to be unique, there is just beingness and the flow of life happens with ease. The friction between what is and what the mind wants it to be is what determines the type of experience. I wonder if that is what keeps the wheel of samsara turning, every time something is desired or rejected more fuel gets put into the wheel...

In the last few years I’ve noticed something else being involved in the experience of life, there is a third component that gets missed if the hold on the experience is too tight. This additional component only gets noticed when there is enough room/space between what is happening, the participant and the experience. It’s like the appreciation or rejection gets seen by something else that just looks without opinion or judgement, observing the reaction of the perceiver to the event taking place.

I’ve noticed how problems can not exist in the present moment. You can only encaounter your life in the present moment. Ask yourself what is your relationship with your mind. Life always reflects back to you your predominant state of consciousness. Gratitude facilitates being present in the now. Openness friendlyness and acceptance are enablers to go deeper into now to the point that you are one with the present moment. A state of surrender to now creates a friendly relationship to the present moment

We experience the present moment through the filter of our memories. These memories form believes, habits, patterns, likes and dislikes that taint the experience we get of life. Memory becomes the ruler of your life, the more power you give it the less reality can seep through and the less present moment you get to live

Concentration of focus and attention is related to power? What is power? how does it feel like? some people say its addictive

Power to transform

Power to create

Power to influence

Power to destroy

Power to heal

Power to receive

Power to give

Power to see clearly (know the truth)