"With tears in my eyes, I told my classmates that I was black and asked if they hated me."
I grew up attending a small private school with mostly white students. I was almost always the only black kid in class. I knew I looked different than almost all of my classmates, but they were all nice to me and my teachers never treated me differently, so I never thought much of it until I was in 2nd grade.
My class sat in a circle and each kid had to share an interesting fact about their family. I cannot remember what interesting fact I shared with the class or what most of my other classmates shared. There was one fact that was shared though that I still remember to this day. A classmate sitting next to me shared that their family hated black people. The room was silent. Everyone in my class was staring at me to see how I would react. With tears in my eyes, I told my classmate that I was black and asked if they hated me. I was told that I was not black, I was brown so they didn’t hate me. After class my teacher pulled me aside to talk to me about what had just been said. I felt so hurt, embarrassed and alone that I could not pay attention to what she was saying to me. Why did my classmate hate me because of my skin color?
That was the first time in my life I ever remember experiencing racism. The older I got, the more instances of racism, ignorance and bigotry I witnessed and experienced, whether it was my “friends” using racial slurs when they sang along to popular songs (apparently it was not an issue because they were “just singing a song”), being called racial slurs during sporting events by players on the other team and their student section or witnessing people that looked like me treated unfairly, especially by law enforcement. While a lot of these episodes bothered me, for some reason, I tried not to let my emotions show.
Then in 2009, I saw a video of a black man, who was being restrained by police officers, shot in the back and killed. I watched Oscar Grant murdered by someone who was paid to protect and serve. I was upset and frustrated. I shared the video with my family and friends and we were all extremely disturbed by it but we all knew that Oscar Grant and his family would get justice; there was video of the murder. In November of 2010, the man who murdered Oscar Grant was sentenced to two years in prison with credit for time served. Two years…with time served…for murdering someone. I could not believe it. I talked to my family about my frustrations with the verdict. This led to the all too familiar talk in black households about how my sisters and I should interact with police officers if we were ever stopped by them (we each had this talk previously with our parents when we first started driving). I listened to what they told my sisters and me and tried to believe that what they were telling us was true and that it could save our lives one day.
And then it happened again. And again. And again. Trayvon Martin, Eric Garner, Michael Brown Jr., Tamir Rice, Freddie Gray, Sandra Bland
And in all of these cases, the people responsible for the deaths were not convicted. On July 5th and July 6th of 2016, Alton Sterling and Philando Castile became the next two black people murdered by police. These murders were the ones that finally broke me; I could not hide my emotions anymore.
I met a few of my white friends at a restaurant later that evening and was surprised to hear how upset and appalled they were at the two murders we had all just witnessed. I had a few other white friends text me and tell me that even though they did not understand my experience as a black man in this country, they knew what happened was wrong and that they wanted to learn more about my experiences to become a better ally and advocate. Since then I have had the opportunity to talk to some of them about what it is like being told that I am hated because of my skin color, or about what it is like to hear someone lock their car door or clutch their purse when I walk past, or about the fear and panic that takes over my body anytime I drive by a police officer. Being able to voice my frustrations to people who did not look like me was helpful. And while I was still scared, sad and frustrated to see this continue, I began to think that if some non-black people felt that way, there might be others that did too and that maybe that could lead to change.
And then it happened again. I watched a cop kneel on George Floyd’s neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds while other officers did nothing to intervene. How could they care so little for a human being? I am not sure why, but this time was different. I was still emotional, scared and exhausted but this time I was pissed off and could not hold my anger and outrage in. And so, I decided to be more vocal and utilize my platform to bring awareness to the injustices I witnessed. I called people out (on social media and in person) for their ignorance and blatant racism. I donated to organizations that promote social justice. I supported black owned businesses. I decided to read books and watch films/documentaries about racism and the movement for justice and then discussed them with anyone who would listen. Even though some of these are things I had done in the past, I knew that if I wanted to be a part of the change and wanted/expected the people around me to be a part of the change, I had to do more. Sharing on social media a few times was not enough. Donating once was not enough. Reading books and watching films and avoiding difficult conversations with people was not enough.
So here we are today. I am still tired, I am still scared and I am still mad that we are dealing with this in 2020. I want to be able to go for a jog, walk home, drive a car, sit at home watching TV without having to be afraid for my life. I do not want to fear that the next time I say ‘goodbye’ or ‘I love you’ to my friends and family will be the last time. But now I am also hopeful. The deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, Elijah McClain and Rayshard Brooks seem to have started change. People of all races, religions, sexual orientations and economic classes from all over the world are pissed off and have decided to fight for equality and human rights. And while this is a start, there is still a lot of work to be done. For people that are reading this, especially people who are not black, who want to be an ally, here are some ways that you can help:
Learn about racism and what you can do to counter it.
Listen to what black people have to say.
Demand criminal justice reform from governors and state/local legislators.
Register to vote and go vote on November 3.
Call out racism and racial injustices when you hear/see it.
Donate to organizations and causes that promote social justice.
Acknowledge your privilege and utilize it and your platform to help promote change.
I also want to encourage you to demand justice for Elijah McClain and Breonna Taylor.
On August 24th, 2019, police officers in Aurora, Colorado approached Elijah McClain as he walked home from the store. Someone had called 911 on McClain because he looked suspicious (he was wearing a ski mask because he was anemic). The officers confronted McClain, who was unarmed, tackled him and put him in a carotid hold. When first responders arrived, they injected him with ketamine to calm him down. On the way to the hospital, McClain went into cardiac arrest and died days later after being declared brain dead. The officers who murdered Elijah McClain were reassigned; none of them have been fired or charged. Here are some ways that you can demand justice for Elijah McClain:
Contact Aurora Mayor Mike Coffman at (303) 739-7015
Contact District Attorney Dave Young at (303) 659-7720
Contact Colorado Governor Jared Polis at (303) 866-2471
On March 13th, 2020, three members of the Louisville Metro Police Department executed a no-knock search warrant at Breonna Taylor’s apartment in an attempt to find drugs. Not only did they not find drugs, the person they were looking for was already in police custody. After not announcing themselves and breaking down the door, the officers shot into her apartment, murdering Breonna Taylor while she slept. Only one officer out of the three executing the warrant has been fired and none of the officers have been arrested or charged. Here are some ways that you can demand justice for Breonna Taylor:
Contact Louisville Mayor Greg Fischer at (502) 574-2003
Contact Attorney General Daniel Cameron at (502) 696-5300 or attorney.general@ag.ky.gov.
Contact Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear at (502) 564-2611
Credits:
Created with an image by Clay Banks - "George Floyd protests in Uptown Charlotte, 5/30/2020 (IG: @clay.banks)"