Wednesday June 10, 2025

This was my first experience with the simulation. Now, I’ve always joked about how the pigeons were made by the government and that we have FBI agents watching everything we do, but I never thought the simulation was real. So, I went to my best friend’s house to pick her up. Emily and I went to a park near her house, and she was going to do acid while I sat with her and made sure she’s safe. I pulled up to her house, she came out in a One Direction T-shirt, her short jet-black hair in a messy bun, and the flimsiest sandals I’d ever seen. I greeted her and she took out the tab of acid and swallowed it.

It was at the stop sign before the turn out of her community where I felt like something was off. The sky was grey, the trees were still and I felt like I was in a bubble. I turned to Emily and said, “So we’re going to the park with the lake, right?” She nodded but didn’t say anything -- this whole time she hadn’t said anything.

Fifteen minutes later we arrive at the park, she’s already tripping but it’s not bad yet. She’s telling me that she feels squiggly and everything looks wavy. Honestly, it was pretty funny. She left to the bathroom, I waited with our stuff, and when she was gone everything turned grey again. It was as if my world was sucked of all amusement when she was gone or wasn’t talking. The sky wasn’t as vibrant, the leaves and bushes didn’t rustle, the birds stopped chirping, and it seemed that everyone around me stopped moving. It was as if the world turned off.

She came back and the world was up and running again. Everything started moving and the world was occupied. We sat underneath the shade of a tall tree, I tried to teach her how to make friendship bracelets and we talked about how this girl we knew looks exactly like Usher.

We laughed endlessly and time stood still. The sun wasn’t setting, the world was on pause except for me and Emily. That whole time, we had only been together for two hours, but it seemed like a million years.

I thought it was strange that time stood still, but it was the simulation; I just know it.

Sunday September 3, 2025

Nothing had happened for a while. Between the last time I had noticed the simulation and today, my grandpa died. It hasn't really hit me which is weird because we were close, but I think I'm not really letting myself experience the emotions. It's also weird because in March one of my elementary school peers had died, and I spent months crying over his death and only a couple days crying over my grandpa. Anyways, the simulation hit me again tonight.

I was sitting on the beach at 10 p.m. with Emily. We were sitting and talking about our love lives, the problems that were facing and just how life is so confusing.

At that moment, the simulation struck.

This time though, it wasn’t time standing still and muted colors; it was like I was stuck in a fish bowl. The sky was concave. I was inside of a fishbowl looking out. The lights around us were too vibrant. And the ocean -- the ocean wasn’t there. It looked like a backdrop. The waves crashing on the shore were the only things on Earth that seemed.

Everything seemed like a movie set, the sand was staged, the water was fake, the air was too crisp. Nothing was real and it definitely didn’t feel real.

Even worse, I was sure someone was watching us. The airplanes flying around weren’t reminiscent of airplanes; they looked more like stage lights. There weren’t any stars in the sky and there was not a single cloud. Everything was too fake to be real.

I told Emily that I was sure that people were watching us and my skin was crawling. She said, "Dude, you're bugging," and just continued to play with the sand. I felt as if someone had their eye on us, as if we were being stalked. But, I guess I was just bugging.

Despite my full faith in being part of The Simulation, Emily reassured me that it was fake.

Sunday, September 8, 2025

I ditched the last two hours of work today to see my boyfriend Oscar. He met me at my work building and took me to the same beach that I went to with Emily. I’ve kind of had a hard time dealing with my emotions lately, so I’ve been begging him to take me to just watch the water and vibe together like I did last week.

It was a 20-minute drive to the beach; we got there and literally parked in the same spot that Emily parked in last week. I thought it was a strange coincidence because I didn’t tell him where to go or where to park.

So, we walked onto the beach and I was hit with an eerie sense of deja vu. I brushed it off and figured that it was just because I was in that same area last week.

It was strange, like unsettling in a sense. Oscar and I put our feet in the water when we got there and just watched the waves crash into the sand. We walked back up the shore, sat down next to each other and pointed out every light we saw on the horizon.

Today there wasn’t a fishbowl effect, there weren’t any muted colors, there weren’t any absurd lights or weird backdrop-looking aspects to the view. However, he didn’t seem real. The conversations weren’t forced; they were easy and free flowing. His mannerisms were off too. Typically, he’s a tough guy, hardly shows emotion in public, and is very stubborn and outspoken. But today, he was very affectionate. He had his arm around me, he held me close to him and my head was resting on his chest.

It was off putting to say the least. I knew he was there. I knew his physical body was there. But I couldn’t tell if he was real. I was sure I was in a dream or that I was imagining him there. It was too easy; it was too picturesque for it to be real.

Friday, September 10, 2025

I’ve been mulling this over. There have been too many instances where I’ve felt as if this life were a simulation. I’m absolutely sure that someone is watching and that I’m just a pawn. I’m not sure who’s real, or even what’s real. I know I am real, but everyone else -- I’m sure they’re all programmed to be here.

Oscar is on the phone with me right now, but is it just a way for The Controllers to keep track of me? I'm sure that The Controllers, the people who control The Simulation, are trying to keep tabs on me. I'm sure that Emily and Oscar are just ways for The Controllers to find if I've figured out that we're in a simulation.

They're both part of the game. They're both pieces in The Simulation.

Sunday September 20, 2025, 12:50 a.m.

All I've been thinking about today is how to get out of the simulation. Sometimes when I sit still enough, I can feel my body leave this dimension. If I meditate hard enough, I find that my soul is able to leave my body and find its way to new places. It's currently 12:50 a.m., I'll write in this morning if I was able to escape.

I don't have plans for what happens when I do get out. I guess I'll try to find The Controllers, maybe try to fight them -- that'll probably not go over well though. Fighting people who are literally controlling me? It doesn't seem like a good plan. I have no concept of myself right now. I know what I look like in The Simulation; short, brown hair, brown eyes, a little thicker than most girls. I know I'm sporty, I hate being in the heat, I have a soft spot for dogs, I'm very emotional but I have a high pain tolerance. But outside of The Simulation? Who am I?

Would I still be the same person? Would I look the same? If I leave this life I know now, would I have the same memories? Would I be able to remember Emily's face? Would I still be in love with Oscar? Would losing my friends and family be worth finding out the truth about my life? Should I just live a life in ignorance? Should I pretend that I have no idea about The Simulation and just go on?

Sunday September 20, 2025 9:57 a.m.

I made it out. I'm scared. I don't know where I am.

I'm alone.

Monday September 21, 2025

I'm in a room. I've been out of the Simulation for almost a day. I was laying in a capsule and I was connected to monitors and ventilators, and the weirdest thing of all, I was wearing this cap that connected my mind to a screen.

All my memories and experiences were played out for other people in this watching room to view. My life was used to take notes on; people learned from my experiences.

Apparently, The Controllers were expecting me to wake up and notice that something was off about my life. They set up my whole life, knew all my thoughts, knew all my choices before I even made them -- but what they weren’t expecting was for me to have such strong relationships with the only two people I knew. It confused me, but they debriefed me.

I was an experiment to show the predictability of humans and how they can be managed by subtle hints. For example, going out with my friend, bet feeling like the drugs she took affected me -- they were subtly giving me the same high that she felt in hopes I would ask to take the other tab of acid -- something I didn’t do.

The fact that I didn’t do what The Controllers were expecting me to do is why The Simulation didn’t work. They predicted my choices and set up my life accordingly; the glitches, noticing that Oscar wasn’t real, realizing the ocean was a backdrop, and everything else, were caused by my wrong choices and messed up everything.

I’m saddened to know the two people in my life, the only two people in my life who I loved, are not real and never fully understood their importance to me. I guess it wasn’t worth it to know the truth.

Sometimes it’s best to be blissfully unaware.

Tomorrow I will be deactivated. I wonder if I’ll get rebooted and put in another simulation.