HONESTLY, big screw you to whoever made you feel inferior. They had no right to belittle you, make you feel worthless, like less of a person than you truly are.
We are all going through hard times right now: parents are divorcing, friendships are ending, classes are being failed, mental health is on the backburner, stress is high, and self- love is at an all-time low.
Last month, I talked about my depression and suicide attempt, but I forgot to address one of the main reasons I felt so horrible: I had no self-love, literally none. I looked at my body in the mirror and was disgusted. I’d try to cover every blemish I had on my face even if it was barely noticeable. I started to avoid mirrors, and I would walk around with my head down so I wouldn’t be able to see my reflection in mirrors, windows, or anything that could show it to me. I surrounded myself with people that only wanted to hurt me; I felt like I deserved all their hate and more.
Slowly, I started to realize that I need to heal, throw out my negative thoughts. Hating yourself is so much work. To find all the little things wrong with yourself does nothing but hurt you. I was tired. I needed to make a change before my self hate would kill me.
To get rid of my toxicity, I had to get rid of the hate I was receiving from those around me. There were two people in my life, one was like a sister to me, and the other was someone I truly loved, or at least, thought I loved. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, letting go of them.
I was miserable for months after; they were my people and I felt alone. I said my goodbyes to both of them, multiple times, and everytime hurt.
I didn’t think that those two people could impact me so much, but once I let the go, I never felt so free. Yes, I was hurt. Yes, I cried for them. And no, I will never let them back in my life.
I spent my summer trying to be around those who made me happy and feel loved. Slowly, day by day, I started to feel loved, and the best part is that I was, I am.
The point of telling my story to whoever of you read it, is this: I was hopeless, a walking corpse, but somehow in all the darkness and misery, I found my way out.
Everyone is beautiful. That might sound cliché, but it’s true. The color of your eyes, brown like coffee, blue like the ocean, green like a forest. Or your hair, jet black, fire red, chestnut brown, golden.
You may look at yourself in the mirror, find every tiny little flaw you can, and criticize yourself so harshly you could cry. Why do we do this to ourselves? Flaws make us beautiful. A flaw is having something no one else has. You are uniquely you. You are gorgeous, flaws and all.