Habits of Mind: responsibility & curiosity
“Do you want to go to Becca’s beach house this weekend? I heard Jake is going to be there!” This was the opportunity I was waiting for. I had wanted to hang out with Jake for weeks but could never quite be in the same place as him. Finally, I had the chance to spend an entire weekend with my crush and all of our friends. I was ready to say yes when I realized I had work all weekend. It was pretty much too late to get the weekend off and I really needed the money, so I made the responsible decision to not go. I did what I always do: what I consider to be the right thing. I went to work all weekend and browsed through all of the fun pictures that were posted online, and begged my best friend to tell me every detail of the weekend. Apparently, the weekend was absolutely amazing and tons of fun. Oh, and also, Jake had gotten together with another girl. Not only did I miss all the fun, I missed my only chance with a guy I had really liked.
Looking back on this experience I realized the responsible thing is not always the best thing. I had missed my opportunity and damn did I feel remorse. I felt like I had failed myself even though I did the “right thing”. Yet the “right thing” in society’s eyes, is not always the right thing for me. I did this for pretty much all of high school and I definitely regretted it. I missed out on football games, basketball games, parties, late night McDonald’s runs. I missed out on all of it simply because I had work, or dance, or homework, or whatever other excuse I could think of. I always did the responsible thing and yes it brought me a ton of opportunities, such as being able to come to Clemson, but I also missed out on a ton of opportunities. I think I lost my curiosity along the way. I was decently adventurous in high school but not nearly as much as I wanted to be. I stopped being curious about the world. Stopped actually wanting to find things out when doing homework. I just did my assignments and got them done so I could move on to the next thing and I think I missed a lot of life along the way.
Recently I think I have changed my habits. Yes of course I put my first English journey log off until the last minute and started it hours before it was due. Was that the responsible thing to do? Probably not, but I got to take advantage of other things instead. I got to dance all day Sunday with the rally cats, go to the gym, hang out with friends, maybe attend a party or two, and at the end of the day it’s worth it. I think I’ve gotten my curiosity back. I actually want to learn about accounting laws and principles, believe it or not. My weeks no longer feel like a never-ending cycle of wanting the weekend to be here, having fun all weekend, and back to waiting for the weekend to come back again. My classes are no longer a blur, no longer just an hour and 15 minutes that I have to get through so I can do something else that I actually want to do. I try to wonder about the things my professors teach me. I want to learn and I want to grow as a person. I think that’s very important for me. I feel like I’ve really gotten my drive back in life, and it feels amazing to feel like I have a purpose.