The Illusion You can't see it - so is it real?

My teachers couldn't see it, my parents couldn't see it, my friends couldn't see it, I couldn't even see it.

If no one could see it, how was it real? Was it something playing games with me? was it someone attacking me? Or was it all just in my head?


It was all these things. It was never all the things they said it was. I never understood the movies and the depictions. I never thought it could happen to someone like me.

Well that was what i was taught to believe

TED ED talk explaining what depression is

If you saw me, you would never think I suffered. I had lots of friends, I went to the parties, I was confident, but behind my appearance, my actions, the way i portrayed myself - i was becoming toxic to myself.

This was the beginning - i didn't even realise what I was doing or how it affected me. I never recognized the signs, or how i was changing.

Ways people can be affected by depression

It was my own illusion, my secret. I felt a heavy stone on my back and it was beginning to crush me . I hated myself, I never wanted to leave my bed, I found myself losing sleep, and interest in the things I once loved. My motivation had left me and I felt like a failure. So I knew I had to be brave.

It may be hard to get help, but it is worth it.

I asked for help. Many people will see this as a weakness. I saw this as empowerment. I was strong enough to break my walls and let someone in - for many people vulnerability to your emotions and feelings is scary, for me it was critical.

"Everything heals. Your heart heals. The mind heals. Wounds heal. Your happiness is always going to come back. Bad times don’t last" - author unknown

I told someone who I trusted, from here it lead onto different strategies I had to try and workout to see what worked best for me. The journey was never easy, and never fast. I went through counselling, psychiatrists, and antidepressants, all these things were key to getting better.

what are you going to do about this?
1 in 5 New Zealanders go through this too

If you feel like you could be suffering

  • Talk to someone you trust
  • Take a self test
  • See a counselor
  • Talk to your doctor

Its different for everyone, no depression is the same. The one thing I learnt was people who don't believe it's real - have never experienced it.

“If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather. Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do.” - Stephen Fry

Visit these links to gain more of an understanding into depression and to help


Created with images by Sean MacEntee - "Beach"

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