Just-knowing talks with ninija

Ninija, when did I lose my confidence in the natural world?

I have become more and more unable to survive without high-technology, covering myself to shelter from the elements. I fill my life with artificial stimulation in the form of media and substances. In other words, I am dependent which causes resentment and sadness deep inside me. I long to be independent, but it seems impossible.

“Dependent? Independent? These words Ninija not know. I just. I part of everything of Great Desert. She provide everything, and I look after her and her creatures. We partners but she wise-wise.”

I cover my nakedness too with layers of man-made fibers, then, if I choose to, I take them off slowly to reveal my skin to others who spend mind-time imagining what is behind the covers. They are even willing to pay to see.

“Poison of roof and wall and glass and covers not hide you from dying sky and angry excluded sun, from other eyes. In Desert, we part of rock and tree and people. We not separate like doll, not flashing picture in album of memory or paper. We insider, not outsider.”

I am often closed away from the sky and natural air for long periods, and so develop countless allergies and health problems. I press my nose up against the cool glass trying to imagine what the weather is like because I’ve forgotten.

In the so-called ‘developed’ world, I have channeled my energy into taming, containing and exploiting all finite and visible natural resources to the point where we have endangered the entire planet. Now, I fight for my life and my sanity in a dangerous and polluted habitat. I am trapped in a self-made wilderness.

“This one-way contract. This ‘development’ only in outsider favour until you desperate and Father Earth scream in pain. You cannot only take-take-take in Good Universe! ‘Here’ and ‘Now’ you on inside where there always balance.”

But when and why did I stop accepting and trusting in the universe? It is perhaps impossible to answer such questions, but it is probable that as I and my kind branched away we turned our backs on our true and divine nature?

“There no questions in Desert. There red hills full of just-knowing. Desert Mama, she our true nature. We just accept her wisdom and say thank you with each breath.”

My ancestors decided they were superior, and they owed nobody anything for their existence. This ‘hubris’ or arrogance eventually led them to defy the gods, and disown their origins in the invisible world of energy. In time, this has certainly become our nemesis, our downfall. My generation is losing it completely!

“This being separate. You and you kind tore yourselves out of Oneness with Mother Nature and Father Earth. Maybe this badness, this evil, this maggot hole you crept out of. You want something different from what is! You blind to what is!”

But I’m not clear about exactly when and why they started to resent the power of other beings. When they lost complete contact with the vast invisible dimensions of their origin, and instead became beguiled with their own power? Why did they move themselves away from their sacred roots?

“Now wait! You fall into big crocodile trap talking about ‘they’ and ‘their’ and ‘them!’ You separate yourself from you ancestors because they old, they past, finished.”

But yes, we are talking of many thousands of years ago.

“Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! You use you clock-time! You then-and-there time to measure, to make distance. What is ‘year?’ What is ‘thousand?’ They white word. They dust. They cobweb. You throw away boomerang to blame others, different people to you, far and long away. But boomerang always come back to you thrower. You not separate from you ancestor. Only mind trick of clock-time make it so. You not separate from them in the Lands either.”

But I’m scared of being without ‘distance’ and ‘clock-time.’ How can I live in the world we have created based firmly in these things, without them?

“Your people make them, fashion them with their mind. Try to pin something down to hold on to. Store them up, always scared they run out. Mother Nature never let us run out. We trust. There plenty for every creature and plant, but nothing wasted, never too much of anything. It balance. It one, without separateness.”

Ah, you mean ‘surplus.’ Too much of something? It’s true that the only things we have too much of in our world are the bad things – debt, poverty, war, disease, unhappiness, unfairness, oppression, anger, envy. All the negative things are plentiful. But plain goodness is in short supply. Real beauty, laughter, patience, unconditional acceptance, peace, real love, time, are quite rare.

“In Desert we say when something truly good there plenty, exactly as much as we need. Universe measure and provide. That not our job. We listen and help. We not hesitate or wait here and now because there no ‘time,’ there no 'space!' There no separation because there no 'time,' no 'space.’”

I seem to spend my life waiting and hesitating, trying to be different from others, struggling to do my best, to please others. It’s hard and never quite satisfactory. Yes, if I’m honest, I always feel a sense of dissatisfaction, of incompleteness, of something more, which I cannot reach or quite recognize.

“You flashing pictures, you new gods of Coca-Cola and Levi, of Apple and Budweiser. You greedy eye and you greedy ‘I.’ Everything you see with huge monster eye. But when you turned away from the real gods, you stopped listening, stopped feeling in the invisible. Now you only eye people, and this just one way. There many way, and you need to learn how to use others again. There no struggle when we all one and we listen.”

Tell me how, please. I’m scared of dying with this unhappy, bewildered feeling.

“Close your huge eyes and your ‘I.’ Stand on black rock in Desert. Feel her hot breath, hot skin. You breath fit to her’s. You ‘Here.’ You ‘Now.’ There nowhere else. This your real home, deep inside rock. Your energy and rock energy become one energy. You cry tears into rock heart. You mistake, but make new start ‘now’ and ‘here.’ You must say you sorry without anyone ask. This satisfy the great Mother, and if she satisfy, then you also satisfy.”

I’m so sorry! A billion times. Sorry for every countable second of an outsider’s clock-time. Sorry for making flashing pictures and thoughts into reality, and for worshipping new gods. Sorry for all the times I’ve thrown the boomerang to blame others for what is truly my fault.

Desert Mother always forgive and embrace all her children, especially the bad ones.
Created By
Linden Thorp
Much of the artwork by Mariko Kinoshita.

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