A simple overview of this poem is that it, in itself is, sad and disheartened, just briefly it’s about daydreaming, installing qualities that are not your own. Consistently living in something that isn’t real. For me, this poem is more. This was written when I was upset, and depressed, through the context of the words, that is clearly seen. The language used is almost gruesomely melancholy. Although everyone may have their different interpretations, for me this poem is about writing. Every inch of it displays what it feels like to write about nearly anything.
"Most days I find myself somewhere else, Like a clearing in the trees, Specifically designed to see How far down the stars can climb, Or the top of a building so tall, Even the stars gleam with jealousy,"
These words describe in their own sense how astonishingly vivid it is to write. Vivid enough that the simple words can give you a time and place, or even a feeling. The sort of feeling you get when you lay under a sea of stars. It’s vivid and it’s real, and it’s there. That what it feels like to write. As though you, yourself were there, under this whimsical un-lifelike scene and it’s amazing. However the spoken word poetry quickly drops in tone. It falls into a pit of depression and shows what it’s like to write on a sad spectrum of things.
"And you, You’ve always been there, Most days you lean over and look into my eyes, It’s not romantic, But to me it is important, A defined appreciation, It’s solely derived from reading the stars reflection in my eyes, Somdays, I dream that you’ll actually do that, Or that someone just might,"
From my perspective, as poetry is subjective this passage describe what it's like to feel as though you need, a constant interest or attention. The looking into someones eyes as if to read, it isn't real, but it's almost as though it's a metaphor someones personality. If someone can stand to look at your real personality, that's a full display of affection and love, apposed to someone who in this passage is reading a reflection. It's not something that's actually there, but the writer displays a satisfaction that comes with someone even caring to look. If they can talk themselves into thinking that they're liked, or loved, regardless of why (even if it's a reflection of someone else traits) it's enough.
"Somedays, I force myself down in order to rewrite the stars my eyes collect, with hopes to reflect ,A mother, to secure or to cover, A lover’s grasp, always meant to last, A child, breathless and wild, A power that towers, A fighter, solving issues with misuse, All the reflections of secure grasps that force me to last, Assigning hope to solve all of my issues without that disgusting misuse of power,"
This passage specifically covers the idea that despite this reflection that someone could read, it's not good enough until it's not just a reflection and it is what they're trully looking at. As a writer, this passage has personal means, of course because it's work of my own, but it entails the characters I write and the reflection of my personality in each of them, and how it's a beautiful reflection, of what I felt was an ugly personality. A protective mother, so they might shelter the ones they love from pain, a lover who is relentless and forgiving, childlike adventure and wonder in the world, someone strong enough to stand on there own, but powerful enough to fight against forces. Falsehood of security that is the only thing keeping me grounded. The only reason that this poem exclaims it's reader should stay put is that it may think there is security in any situation. Hoping that despite pain and loss someone could solve an issue properly, without pain or suffering. For example solving spells of depression without the result of suicide. A misuse of someones love for another.
"Somedays, I dream that I won't feel like a rotting waste, Sickly to the touch, but especially to taste, Because the stars I read in my eyes they look more like scars, and nobody wants to know what they say anymore , because every scar is a haze in this entangled and convoluted maze, A trace of the truth embedded in a story of lies,"
This section brings in key pieces from the previous few, tying in this idea of eyes being a soul or, in a classical sense, the window to a soul. Specifically though it entails that everything that the writer (me) was, at that point, was sick and disgusting. Writing these beautiful characters helped in a way. As if writing was a way to pretend that you weren't actually disgusting, or scared, because yours works were not. It discusses what it's like to force yourself to be happy, be someone you aren't, just for the sake of someone not being disappointing or upset with you. As if no one wants to hear you talk if it isn't joyous, the world is to sad for tears. Everything beautiful about the soul it talks about, or eyes, is hidden or not there, but it's easier to think it's hidden away rather than to think it's actually gone, or doesn't exist. For example the words, "haze in this entangled and convoluted maze", stars in this sense being a desirable trait.
"My worst fear is that you may see it, Display a refusal to believe it, You'll fly away, Not here to stay, I fear that I will never see a day, where you look at me and say, 'it’s okay.',"
Explained simply this passage is about fear, fear of someone realizing that you're to broken to fix and leaving. The feelings displayed are nearly unbelievable. when you've fallen so far it's almost hard to thing that you could ever have someone accept that and still want you.
"Somedays, I wish I could tell you that that's why I need to write all these lies, So maybe you’ll read the one you're looking for, Only I hope you'll read it before I blind myself with this ink, So maybe I can finally see you satisfied with the way that I think,"
This one is an essence of the last passage. It means different for me now than it did. Because as a teenager struggling with depression it meant that I had to be happy. The words ached with a melancholy sense of falsehood, and it expressed that I needed to smile or make people think I did. When I nearly 'blinded' myself in a sense, or pushed down my underlying suicidal thoughts. The last line rings like a chime, a memory. For me this line means that it's hard to think about someone accepting the fact that you want to die. I think it's important to not stray from the fact that this writing is the only think keeping someone grounded, as though without a false trait, I would crumble. As though I needed these characters to believe I should still deserve air. This line is about me standing in the living, and telling my parents not an hour goes by where I'm ready to die. Sitting in front of my boyfriend in tears while he asks me why I never told him. Most important, sitting in a hospital bed being analyzed by a doctor who met me an hour ago. This line is sad and helpless, it expresses the anxiety and hopelessness, as if someone wouldn't accept that and help you.
"Somedays, I dream that those beautiful defining traits are mine, That in real life I don't use them like bait, As if I really use the fighter to solve issue, I use her to pull me from your hymns of undeserving appreciation, The child, good for rationing protection, but used far too often, she makes me recklessly clumsy in every fashion, The power, he’s so loud, speaks far too often, when really he’s to be used to support the mountains of strength I desperately try to form, But he gets me no where quickly, Only helping me grow sickly, The lover, he builds passion that he fails to ration, Clinging to dreams with little means,"
This passage shows itself to be probably the most notable or important. As a writer I install my negative traits into my characters so I feel that they may be more believable or real. For me, I made all of these characters, and above listed everything beautiful and desirable about them, but the ugly truth is that people are good and bad, even when fictional. These characters are everything wrong, despite how they made the writer, or reader, or me, feel. For me they were a salvation, but my ultimate destruction, a window view into all my problems.
"Somedays, I write the mother, Although I love her, I could never dare to accept that I could ever reflect her glowing fate, But she's for you, You need her for cover, Far more bold than i’d ever be, And I made her for you, To shelter from the cold, You need her for cover,"
This one isn't bad though. I think that for me it shows that I made someone or wrote someone who was willing to accept all flaws and help. Not only help, but want to, to love, and cover, something I couldn't bring myself to ask for, let alone give.
"Somedays, I dream that someone will look into my eyes, When there is no reflection, Not a hint, No detection, of the written lies I’ve placed before my eyes, And you, You’ll like what you see, But then again, It’s only because some days I dream."
The purpose this passage provides is a simple tie back to the beginning. It's also the great reveal. In a way, this line is the one that finally decides that I want people to be satisfied with myself, not my lies or the reflections of someone else. It ties in key points about dreaming, or writing as I perceive it. In this passage it takes on another meaning though, it honestly means that I dream someone would feel this way. Without lies or another, but just honestly.