People are like the ocean. In some parts it’s shallow and in other parts it’s deep. In some parts in light and in other parts it’s dark. The red tides represent anger, and the breaking of a wave represents the moment when a person breaks down. The trenches represent how far we can fall, but when we hit the bottom we can only go farther up. The coral reef shows happiness and excitement. Just like the ocean, people are full of many different sides to them.
When you think of an attack what do you think of?
When I think of an attack I think of not being able to breathe, zoning out, trying to fix everything, being full of anger and rage out of nowhere for no reason, talking super fast, stuttering, or not even talking at all.
All of my life I’ve had anxiety and just in the past two years, depression. I’ve always been told not to tell anyone but my mom about it, I’ve always thought that it was a bad thing to talk about. When in reality it’s not and bad thing to talk about just taboo.
I looked up what anxiety was, how it affects your everyday life, how it affects your brain, but what I was baffled by was how many people have it. One in eight people will have an anxiety disorder in their lifetime, and women are twice as likely to have it. Twenty percent of teens in the United States are suffering from anxiety, and only some of them reach out for help from just their parents. Most parents will only think that it’s just hormonal because we are teenagers. Some and in fact most of it is, but it can grow and lead to other mental disorders. For me it did lead to one other disorder; depression. Anxiety and depression have a cycle when one gets worse the other one gets even worse.
One of the worst experiences my anxiety and depression has led me to issues with my step mother and my own father. It’s the first day of 2017, a New Year, a new start. I get a text from one of my friends Haley asking if I wanted to go to Polar Plunge with her. Of course, I type back, sure let me just ask my dad.
Just a moment later I asked my dad, “Hey dad can I go the beach with a friend?”
“Sure have fun”. Ten minutes later my mom picks me up so we can all go.
The beach was super crowded when we arrived, we had gotten the last good parking space. Haley and I are all bundled up, her in a hat and scarf, while I am in my favorite sweatpants and a warm sweatshirt. It was super windy and cold. I knew that I wasn't going to go in a bathing suit. I would rather keep my limbs than have them freeze off.
It was almost time to go into the water. I could feel all of the excitement and anticipation around me. The signal was sounded, and I felt a rush of adrenaline and sprinted into the water. I was trying to keep Haley’s younger sister Mya running, but I had failed and she fell to the ground. I was trying so hard to keep myself from laughing because it was funny to me. I managed to keep my laugh down because I would have felt embarrassed because there I was trying to help and six year old up from freezing water.
Haley and I return Mya to where her mom is and we are going back out to the water but my legs feel like ice and I run back to get a towel and warm up.
Six days later it was my birthday. My dad was picking me up early from school so I can spend some time with him on my birthday. As I get into the car I notice a recently common expression on my fathers face, sadness. I asked him, "What's wrong, what happened?"
"You betrayed both me and your stepmom Paige Jalyn Ritchie."
"Wait, what happened I don't see how I betrayed you."
"When you said that you were going to the beach we assumed that you were going with a friend from school, not Haley, you know how much your stepmom doesn't like Haley's mom."
I had no words for him, I wasn't going to say that I was sorry for doing something with a friend. There is nothing wrong with Haley or her family at all. Since I didn't know what to do I just kept quiet. He had also explained that he had my mom get off early from work so I could over there before Laurie my stepmom got there.
As four o'clock comes by my dad drops me off at my moms house. She wasn't home yet, and I had forgotten my key so I just stood outside by the front door. At the moment I felt as though the world had more control over what I say and do than I do myself. When my mom arrived I had asked, "Mom can we just go to the beach or something?"
"No you are crazy it's January Paige, but we can go order a cake for your get together on Sunday?"
It's finally Sunday and Morgan is the first one to arrive as expected since she only lives up the hill. Next to come is Marybeth, and then Jordan, and then Nick. As we are sitting down in the basement waiting for everyone else I hear my phone get a text from Matthew telling me that he was lost in the complex. No matter how many directions Morgan and I give him, he still gets lost one way or another. The only other thing we could do was go wait outside for him. Morgan and I were the only ones to go outside because everyone else thought that it was too cold.
With in the next fifteen minutes Faith, Tori, Haley, and AJ arrive. We all decide to play apples to apples and watch The Bee Movie. After about and hour we have pizza. Another hour passes by and we are about to play Truth or Dare but someone gets the idea to go sledding somewhere. We are walking to Haley's grandmothers house, and we all have the sleds and then everyone but Haley, Faith and I turn back to the house to get warm. The three of us left see this as an opportunity of us having the sleds to our selves. In a few minutes AJ returns and goes sledding with us. We sled for the rest of the day having barely any feeling in our legs because we were all wearing jeans.