But in complete seriousness.
If I was actually doing an e-portfolio, it wouldn't use adobe spark.
It'd be a central page with a picture of myself in a suit, likely sitting on a chair in a relatively neutral setting with some nerdy paraphenalia about me. Each item would be a button that leads to an adobe spark page (or something similar) that shows the process of teaching myself how to make it, the process I took in teaching people about the item, or analysis into a work of fiction and how it relates to human interaction.
The lower half of the screen would lead to the 'about me' section. Mousing over it would bring up the options of a resume, a brief biography, and an explanation of the page.
The focus would be on my ability to teach myself new skills, as well as to teach others and communicate effectively through multiple forms of media, written and verbal.
If e-portfolios were useful in my intended fields. Which I was told my multiple people in the field who have control of the hiring decisions that no, they aren't, not at the entry levels.