The Way I Used to Be by Amber smith

Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes. What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be.
Told in four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year—this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma. But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, and while learning to embrace a power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart
i feel like i connected to this book on a spiritual level. i have had something horrific happen like that to me before so i understand how she's thinking. although we acted quit the opposite.
Eden has a best friend named Mara. Eden and Mara’s personalities differ quite greatly. While Mara is out going and wants to be in the spot light Eden is in the back, usually just watching everyone else.
Eden has an older brother named Caelin. Caelin and his best friend Kevin are unseperatable. They’ve been best friends since the beginning of their time. Every holiday Kevin is always there with him.
Cody is Edens first love. Her sophomore year he’s a senior, but thinks she’s 16 when he’s about to turn 18.

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