Hatred a Narrative by brooke claveria

Oh look, it's a normal human being!

I have always been insecure. Insecure about a disease many people have, but it has effected me and my life much more than others. I have eczema. I am covered by it. I am drowning in it, and I will never escape. I don’t wear t-shirts, I don’t wear shorts. I am afraid of this terrible disease and what my peers will think about me if they see it. Over the years I have struggled, but after what happened I made sure to stand up for myself and always remember that I am normal.

I stood there, looking in the mirror, staring at myself in disgust. I saw not me, but my scabs covering my body. I couldn’t believe that this was my life. My mother always told me that everything happens for a reason, but I couldn’t share that thought. I couldn’t when I was given this disease that has caused me so much suffering, so much hatred.

I kept staring, unable to look away. “Why, why me?” I thought to myself. I couldn’t understand why I had my friends, my family, and any love from anyone looking the way I do. There were people that I knew didn’t talk to me at school because they were afraid of me. I wanted to break that mirror that made me hate myself so much, and I wanted to stop. Stop caring, stop listening to that voice that told me I wasn’t good enough. I just wanted it to stop.

I had looked away for a brief moment, and didn’t want to look again. Knowing myself, I turned away from the mirror. And I suddenly had a new thought, “I am beautiful, I really am.” I turned back and faced myself in this piece of glass painted to show reflections. I took a good look at what was standing in front of me.

I was.

I was standing there, a beautiful human being that had all of the same rights everyone else has. I was determined to protect myself, not from others, but from my own mind. I knew that I was stronger than this and that I could wear t-shirts and shorts because if my peers or friends didn't like it, I could stand up for myself and tell them that I can't change.

I can't change and you can't make me, so be here for me or don't. I was there, in the bathroom, debating over such a silly thing, the truth was that I was human, and that was all that mattered. Everything else is just a side note in life.

I no longer drown in my Eczema, I just simply float in it. I am no longer suffering, I am just living. I am no longer defined by my Eczema, I am just me. I am just good old me, making my way in the world. I may not know where that is yet, but I do know that I will not punish myself for my differences. My anxiety will not yell at me. It will not tell me I am not good enough, because I am. I am perfect the way I am. Always remember that you can only be as good as you think you are, no one else can make you who you are.

Created By
Brooke Claveria

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