2017 Elle Barrett

Predictions for the news seem both remarkably easy and remarkably unusual. 2016 was bizarre, to say the least, and it may be leading us into an even more bizarre news year filled with potential for everything from immigration upset to Russian hacking to terrorism to warfare.

Personally, I'm trying not to be paranoid of the people around me, let alone the big pharma and government jockeys who are responsible for everything I can't control. It's fun to think about all that could happen this year, but also quite terrifying, so I have to stop questioning everything and limit myself, from time to time.

How am I supposed to cut out caffeine when I'm worried about falling asleep and missing some important political decision? "Don't worry about what you can't control," indeed, but I'd like to know before we're attacked with nuclear warheads.

Thanks for the reassurance, Mr. President.

On the positive side, there are fewer beloved celebrities to be mourned, this year. 2016 took its tool very effectively. But it'll be sad if there's no one left to mourn. How will society adapt to the idea that something horrible could happen at any moment? Humans can adapt to anything, but I figure it'll be a degree more tense.

Who knows? Maybe my paranoia is completely misdirected. Maybe Al Gore'll make a comeback, and then good old Mother Nature will whack us out before our atomic trigger fingers get too itchy. At least I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.

If I had it my way, I'd snap my fingers and the two-party system would be legitimate.

Last year's election was a fluke. I wish I could go back in time and reverse everything terrible that happened in 2016. Because a lot of terrible things happened in 2016. But maybe if we try a little harder, 2017 won't be so terrible.

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