A Little Something About Being English A guide for my friends across the pond

We're ok that you removed the h from yoghurt, we weren't sure where it should go anyway.
We like the U in colour. Leave it, its fine right where it is.
Fish & Chips, Pie & Chips, Poker Chips, Chocolate Chip Cookies
These are not chips. These are crinkle cut crisps.
Cookie on the left, biscuit on the right.

Offer someone a cookie and give them a biscuit and they'll be disappointed. (We acknowledge that 'The Biscuit Monster' hasn't got quite the same ring to it.)

Pavement. A sidewalk is what a crab does.

These cans are made from aluminium, al-e-min-yum.

These cans are not made of aluminum, al-loom-me-um

Herbs.

Should you wish, wrongly, to remove the h then one should add an apostrophe thusly; 'erbs. Please don't though, it sounds dreadfully common.

Feel free to enter into the long running debates surrounding a cream tea. Is it pronounced scone, rhyming with stone or scone rhyming with gone? Should cream be put on the scone before the jam or is it jam first? Haha, we do like our cake based banter.
Jam on bread, jelly in a bowl
Peanut Butter and 'Jelly' - Madness, do you mean peanut butter OR jam?
Tea. Don't mess with this. Ever.

When asked how much milk you like in your tea you may request;

A Splash, Just a Dash, Builder's Tea or As it Comes

Other answers are superfluous.

Thank you for returning Hugh Laurie. We may want to borrow back James Corden from time to time. You may keep Piers Morgon.

We appreciate your attitude to Health and Safety during contact sports, we just see it as a bit of a palaver

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