January 4th, 2008
Hi, I'm Josh. I'm 17 and I go to Mary Cove high school. I'm in eleventh grade and I recently just moved to Arizona. I just got this journal from my therapist I've been seeing a few weeks. He recommends I start writing in it and since I don't have friends or anything better to do I figured why not.
January 25th, 2008
Schools been going fine..still haven't really talked to anyone much. I got an interview at a local dinner called Lagoona...I don't think I'll get the job but we'll see.
Feb. 19th, 2008
I've been working at Lagoona for a bit now. Something really strange happened today though. When I went outside for my break hour one of my coworkers were outside smoking...which usually isn't abnormal but today it was. "Josh, wanna hit?"
"A drag, a hit...you wanna smoke?"
"Oh, no I don't smoke cigarettes." I shuffled my feet. My coworker walked over to me.
"It's not a cigarette, it's better than a cig...ever smoked weed? Natures natural heeler baby!" He took a long inhale of the rolled paper.
"Uhm...isn't that illegal?"
"No, not here buddy. Look I'll leave half of it on the curb for you, it'll help you not be so tense you feel?" My coworker walked inside and I looked down at the rolled cigarette. Maybe one smoke won't be so bad. I picked it up and inhaled way more than I should have causing me to cough up a storm.
Half hour went by and I started to feel really light and tired.
"Josh, you need to go home. Now." My manager hissed through her teeth. She looked deep into my eyes for what seemed like forever and I had no idea where to look so I just kind of let my eyes wonder.
"Are you stoned?" She grabbed my face.
"No ma'am." She rolled her eyes and told me to take the afternoon off.
Feb. 26th, 2008
The past few days all I could think about was how that cigarette made me feel..I wanted to smoke a little more just to really know what it felt like. I ended up getting a hold of that coworker to see if he could give me some more. He said I have to start paying him and my check doesn't come in till the 1st. I was a little desperate, I hate to admit, and I stole some money from my sisters wallet...I promised to myself that I would replace the money as soon as my check came in.
March 3rd, 2008
Today I had a random drug screen and I failed. I lost my job at Lagoonas. My coworker has been hooking me up with weed though. My sister hasn't noticed I've been taking her money so everything's ok and I am going to stop smoking soon.
March 22nd, 2008
Lately I've been having a hard time remembering things and I've been more depressed so I've been smoking more to help with it but it's costing me 50-100 dollars a week. I'm going to quit eventually.
April 17th, 2008
I've been leaving the house more and more to go hang out with my coworker and smoke. The only way I can pay for my weed now is if I steal things from the household and sell it because no job will hire me and my sister wont talk to me because she found out I was taking her money and told our parents so they have basically givin up on me. I don't have friends besides my coworker so I've been pretty lonely.
May 6th, 2008
My family knows I have been smoking pot and they want to take me to a rehabilitation center program. I've been experiencing lack of motivation to do anything, dry mouth and panic attacks and red sensitive eyes. I'm starting to think I need help. I don't want to rely on weed to even just open my eyes in the morning.
May 30, 2008
I'm now in a rehab center. I think it's for the best.