All I could do is clap
Ok, I warned you by the title in my blog that sometimes I whine. Well, today's that day.
So, I wake up between 5:30-6 to give me enough time to make coffee, pray, and take out the dogs before my little ones wake up.
It helps me get into a better mood than waking up to their cries does.
Well, out of the four younger kids last night, one child was up every half hour with a sickness. My teenager says I need to spare my readers the details. So, lets just say the senerio I'm trying to paint for you is not pretty.
I'm not sure what the heck is happening over here, but I was thinking about not letting my kids eat or drink again. I know, I know, I'm not very rational at 3:45am but how many of us really are?
This morning (after regular waking time) I was trying to get the kids ready for school( at least the ones that could go). I was already on edge due to the lack of sleep. Then, greeted by crying kids and one whining because he has to take a shower. I could feel myself unraveling inside.
I start feeding the two kids that can't talk, but can definitely whine and cry, and were. The whining was so loud. I could feel my blood start to boil. My head hurt. It gets me so frustrated when they are not upset over anything in particular. I know they cant tell I'm doing my best. I know they don't understand that they cant have all the things they want. It still doesn't help when I'm dealing with a full temper tantrum.
I turned up the radio, trying to use that as a distraction. I was determined to not let this day start badly. I kept telling my self not to yell, to press through. I get so emotional - especially on no sleep. I turned the radio up more in hopes of a good song to help my kids either stop whining or help me not to hear it.
I love listening to Christian radio in the morning. I don't have to worry about what they'll say in front of my kids, but more importantly I get some God in.
Anyway, a song came on that was rather up- beat, but my kids were screaming so loud I couldn't hear the words. I was starting to tear up. Yes, I am super weak when I don't get sleep.
So, I started clapping to the beat. Really loud. My kids started to stare at me. They give me the crazy look pretty regularly, but that's ok, I've been getting that look most of my life. I took that song and closed my eyes. I prayed in that moment of clapping and lost myself in the song. Clapping is all I had. It was either that or fall on the floor and cry. I know myself well enough that if I started crying I wouldn't stop. So clapping it is. I couldn't even sing along because the tears were so close to the surface right then that it would have triggered crying. Clap, just clap, to the beat. I could clap.
I wish I could tell you that me getting lost in that moment of music got my kids in a better mood - It didn't. What it did do is recharged me. I got myself into a mood of service to the Lord. I dedicated it to Him so that I wouldn't look at it as my crying kids. I needed to look at it as His crying kids that needed my help.
You know what, by the time they got on the bus, (well the ones that could go to school anyway) they were in a better mood. We prayed and off they went to face another day.
The point of me giving you this glimpse, is that sometimes we just have to do what we can. No matter how small that is. For me that morning it was clapping, and God met me there. He filled that need. We are not alone and sometimes we just need to make that first step. God will meet you right where you need Him. Ask and trust.