During the first of the semester I had a hard time keeping my head on straight. I felt down because I am obviously on academic probation. I felt like I couldn't get my grades to where they need to be, and I still am looking for what those grades are.
This is the score of my stats homework and quizzes. I'm doing well in that class, and I really enjoy math. Future major? Who knows.
This is my chemistry homework grades. These are much better than last semester which where mostly zeros, considering I never did the work. Not doing the work resulted in me retaking the class and this is where I am today.
I still put myself down here and there. During the week, here are a few things I caught myself saying:
- Definition: The Inner Critic judges self, blames self, complains about self, and demeans self. Its positive intention is to protect self from failure, but the actual result is either a partial attempt or no attempt at all.
2/7/14 : I was looking at majors and their curriculum to possibly switch my major. During this I saw a curriculum plan with many different chemistries. It was a major I was really looking into, at it seemed like a major I would enjoy. I said to myself, "Oh never mind, I'll never be able to finish all of those chemistries. I've already used two academic forgivenesses". This was my inner critic voice. What i should have said is that I would have to work harder to get through those classes during the semester if the major was important to me.
Definition: The Inner Defender judges others, then blames them before self-assessment takes place. Once blaming an external takes place, complaining about the external and demeaning the external replaces problem-solving and escape occurs. Its positive intention seems to be fending off criticism and punishment from others.
- As for my inner defender, my example falls at the end of last semester. I had just gotten home after final exams and was waiting for my grades. When I got my biology grade I was furious. I had made .1 less than what I needed to continue on to the next class. I wasn't happy whatsoever and felt like it was my professors fault. He was a weed out teacher and he is definitely known as being that. He's one of the hardest teachers here but coming into freshman year I thought I could handle him. I blamed him for months even after turning in my form for academic forgiveness in his class. Now, however, I don't blame him because I know that I could have done more to study, or I could have dropped out before the cut off date. I'm learning now how to get a feel for my workload and I think I can make more rational decisions
Definition: The Inner Guide offers an objective and wise perspective about ourselves and others. It doesn’t self-demean; it doesn’t attack. Our inner guide tells us the absolute truth and allows us to be more conscious of reality, other people, and ourselves.
- I recently found myself getting upset at the fact that I'm not doing any better on my exams in chemistry than I did last semester. However, I have made adjustments this semester that I did not do last semester. I told myself after the first test I would take it to my teacher and ask him to explain it to me. I went to his office hours and we looked over it together (I also did this with stats and got points back). By doing jus that simple task, I learned things I had never picked up on in class and that I needed for the cumulative exam. I also decided this semester to do the practice test more than once and work on it on different days so I didn't feel as stressed. I work on studying at least a week prior to the test now. Even though that didn't show up on Exam 2, I am determined to see it in exam 3. I saw the problem and fixed it immediately. This shows my inner guide voice.
I have learned throughout this exhibit that my common "go to" mindset is the inner critic mindset. I'm always hard on myself and I guess that stems from the fact that not a lot of other people are. My parents are extremely supportive and never are on top of me about anything, which sounds amazing but isn't always. When I fail I take it hard. I try to figure out what happened, where I fell short, or what went wrong. The hardest part for me is not beating myself up so much that other people can't help me up. Sometimes, I make myself so upset I will be disappointed in my actions for days. I struggle with the voice of inner critic and I really have been working to change it. I think it would be so helpful to every aspect of my life. I would be happier and probably healthier as well. This semester I have done a much better job of letting people surround me that do good in my life and encourage me. I have a boyfriend that builds me up and tries to help with my mindset. I also have great new and old friends that are always telling me I can do it and it was just one quiz. Personally, I believe that realizing this and trying to build up from it can change relationships in my life, work abilities and cooperation with my coworkers, and help me be happier and potentially healthier. I can't wait to get better and better with my mindset and use it these next 3 years at college, and then in the workforce all my life. I hope to be good enough to even help someone else.