Week 3 of Corona Break...

DAY 16:

It is Sunday, March 29!! The stay at home order is as real as ever, and society is officially functioning off of the "essential workers" that are still out in the dangerous world working. My dad, being a banker, is considered essential and continues to work. I thought that was interesting. On the news, they only ever mention the more obviously essential workers like healthcare personnel, delivery workers, and the employees at grocery stores, not once have I heard them mention the bank. But it turns out, online banking will only take the world so far, at the end of the day people need someone to tell them what to do with their money and reassure them that it is safe. I have to say, my dad has accepted that title well. It is a definitely an ego boost to know that the governor considered your position essential to sustaining civilization. I can tell he feels important when he explains to his friends on the phone that he's still working because he's an essential worker with that tone that says "I'm so cool." Apparently, my dad and all of his colleagues are also ordering lunch from local restaurants to support them all week, which is real nice of them. I'm a bit jealous, the fast food cravings are getting worse, and I never even ate much fast food when it was legal. Anyways, being an essential is not nearly as cool to the rest of our family at home... my sister sent me this and I could help but think how accurate it was ;)

Well since this entry basically featured my dad, I thought it would be nice to end with his newest dad joke...

"I've never drank even a sip of alcohol in my life, but the amount of alcohol my hands have absorbed is enough for a lifetime." -Dad, 2020
Get it? Because, like, hand sanitizer...

DAY 17:

It's Monday. Online school has officially been extended till May 1, as expected. Honestly, most of the people around me including me, expect it to go on even longer than that considering May is expected to be the peak of the virus. Nothing about the format has really changed compared to last week, so I won't bore you with those details.

Today, my colorguard coaches sent out an "end of the season email. It was a very long one that was supposed to replace the end of season banquet, I have to say the email was not nearly as fun as a banquet. It was however, a reminder of what life would be like if the Corona virus hadn't made its dramatic appearance. We would be ending our winter season, strong, at state champs. Then we'd all get together, dress up a little, bring food and have one last great time to end the season with an evening of fun and laughter. Then our coaches would present us with awards, member of the year, and most improved for both Varsity and JV teams. Finally we would have made our way to the auditorium and watched the slideshow of pictures from the season. Instead, we ended with one practice weeks ago, and read an email, most of us wore sweatpants while reading it, definitely did not share food, we read the names of who won each award, and clicked on the link to watch the slideshow of pictures. Sad times. For all winter sports.

However, I promise I'm not still crying over an incomplete season, we have improvised as the rest of the world has. Today was our first "Zoom" workout session, and it was a lot of fun! Our coaches sent videos of some choreography we can work through from home, which was super awesome of them. We are moving forward, all of us. We are making the best of this crisis, and pushing through despite the slight nostalgia of a time before corona. I'm proud of us for that.

We move forward. We being the world.

DAY 18:

Tuesday!! I baked today... but I think I baked a bit too much considering both of my parents avoid sugar, and sharing them is not an option. So, I have basically gifted myself weeks of sugary indulgence, as if the boredom eating wasn't enough lol. I guess I was productive at least, and it made me happy...

For your viewing pleasure... those are Pineapple cupcakes with Coconut buttercream and coconut sugar on top.

I also made mixed fruit custard and added it to some leftover cake to make a layered fruit desert. Not sure what I was thinking, but it is done now. My mom was actually concerned because baking takes lots of butter and sugar, which are things we don't want to run out of. Even in the midst of sugary happiness, the dreary reality of quarantine life looms. Even though my mom is a rational person, there is some part of her that fears a future in which grocery shopping will no longer be an option. The fact that she fears that, makes me uncomfortable. As of now we have a system, we don't grocery shop until we re out of milk. Until then, we have a growing list on the counter of things we will try and buy next time at the grocery store. Things aren't that bad, we could all use a reminder of that.

Grocery list!!

DAY 19:

It's Wednesday!!! Our guard coaches joined our workout Zoom call and we got to see their puppies. I mean it was cool that we saw our coaches and all but the puppies were far cuter.

See, they're so cute!!

The only other news from me today is on AP testing. Mr. Chidester explained the format of the test. Instead of a multiple choice section, a short answer section, an essay, and a document based question essay, the test will be one document based question essay completed in 45 minutes. So that means my knowledge of US History will be represented by one response. I have this giant fear that the prompt will be something I didn't study enough, and I'm just going to sit there staring and taking notes the entire 45 minutes and fail. That's the anxiety talking, but there is 0 multiple choice to save my score which makes me take studying for the test much more seriously.

The thing is, all of this stress, fear and motivation hits me as soon as I lie down to go to sleep. During the day, however, everything not school related becomes so appealing. It is amazing how easily I can waste an entire morning, then afternoon. As evening deadlines approach I get the work done, but I know I have to do better than that, especially with the long term due dates. I guess I have realized just how much of my motivation comes from knowing I won't have time to work on whatever it is tomorrow. I know I've said it before, but I have to re-figure out time management now that I have all this time. Luckily, I think I am running out of Netflix to watch, so maybe It'll get better?

oh dear...

DAY 20:

Thursday today! It is officially April 2, so if the universe was playing a prank on us all, it is officially not funny anymore. The numbers on T.V. continue to rise. There are exactly two types of news stories airing right now: Corona related stories, and the weather. Nonetheless, the news anchors have become part of my family. They are there while I eat dinner every night, and really any other time of the day. If watching the news made us anxious before, it has now become the new normal. I also get occasional news updated from various group chats. There is one in particular in which a friend of mine announces the death toll or number of cases every single day. I know she doesn't mean any harm, but It's pretty depressing to be greeted with that everyday.

It also makes me feel a little guilty for not being more affected by that number. As insensitive as it sound, the emotional distress the pandemic has caused me so far has been dim, a feeling of dread and anxiety in the background. When I see those number, I know I should be feeling something more for each one of their deaths, but I don't. Those are just numbers, people I never met now gone because of the pandemic. The sadness I feel looking at those numbers is superficial, it doesn't actually hurt me. I do, however, fear a time when that number does start to have meaning as it gets closer to me day by day.

That was a depressing entry, so here's a flower to cheer us up:)

DAY 21:

Friday!! The week is ending quickly, and my days are starting to blur into one.

I had a dream last night, and haven't been able to stop thinking about it all day. Normally I forget my dreams right away, but this morning I willed myself to remember. I dreamt of the day everything goes back to normal. The day everything goes back to normal, in my dream, was a late summer day, and perfect outside. I was walking on the sidewalk in front of Kilbourne near the music wing; and you know how the bricks of our school look during sunset, more red than brown, perfect for taking pictures in front of? It was like that. But the best part wasn't the weather, it was that I wasn't alone. I dreamt of people. I dreamt of my friends, and of reunions. I dreamt that people were hugging and laughing together, there were even a few tears. Extremely cheesy, I know. The weirdest part, was that I was laughing and hugging and even making plans with people I've never been close to, mere classmates.

I guess I miss more than I thought I did, because I don't just miss my friends, I miss every part of my life before the pandemic. Every time I think of it, I feel both happy and sad. Happy because it was such a beautiful mental picture, and I was so genuinely happy and content in the dream. But at the same time, the fact that my most vivid dreams are about going to school and seeing people is a bit depressing-- okay, a lot depressing. I don't want a new normal, I want my old normal, and my subconscious confirms it.

Anyways. We are all lonely together now. I hope our relationships with the people around us are stronger after we get through this.

I miss it


Created with images by Brian McGowan - "Have quarantine. Will get creative." • Kelly Sikkema - "clear bottle of hand sanitizer" • Hello I'm Nik 🎞 - "There’s a derelict factory grounds very close to me, this wall has been erected since the car park was closed to stop cars entering. I love the engraved arrow, rather than the usual, obvious plastic signage. I’m always looking for direction, this photo reminds me that every way is a way." • raquel raclette - "untitled image"