Game Changers

An UNREASOBABLE one, at that.
Just fact sharing, Jeff. We have this in common.
The only choice I have left.
A feeling so horrible it has no words to describe it.
My fault. Not yours.
Get lost in the words...every time.
I think happy might be overstating it. But accepting. I accept it.
Nearly three years of when the spirit moves've taught me.
Like a bolt of lightening.
Truth, Jeff. Just because I wasn't good enough doesn't mean I didn't give you my entire bloody beating heart.
You were given. No matter how much it made me bleed.
And that's that...
I feel it all...
I hear every word, triggered by one word, and the fucked up thing is you're the only one who can heal it. You just don't care to. Your pride is expensive.
I love reality and all the ways it burns. Know why? Because it's REAL.
Or beg.
No shit.
You really would. It would break even you in half. A whole lot of reason I don't bother, with the other half being for Dr. Jekyll...I know he just doesn't care.
Or maybe I didn't.
Changed...I'm rewritten. I'm sorry you don't like that.
And I sit on it, praying for you to just SAY it. Take the wall down. Know what I discovered? You said it to the one who mattered all along. And I was there to support you, love you, encourage you, because I LOVE you and that means you before me, ALWAYS. You said it to the one who ninja destroyed your life, you, while I waited patiently for you to naturally work it out. You gave her the confession and honesty I'd die for-the only thing I've ever needed. And she rejected you, played with you in your most vulnerable state that she didn't even realize and where did you come, Jeff? Home. To me. You came home, to be healed, stabilized, and loved. But she's ALWAYS been first. You thought it was me choosing him, but it wasn't. There's your moment of truth. You fuck around but when it was costing you her, she's the one you got naked for. And out of your truths to her came the truths about me and they finally burned me to the ground. You are so focused on her-which, that's what you want, you should be-you didn't notice them slip. But I notice everything when it's you. I didn't get the truth I needed from you to move anywhere forward with you. But I hope I helped you grow in to your skin anyway. It was worth every tear.
It's a new day. You've managed to keep her in your house. You'll manage to fix it.
I wish you saw what I see.
FYI...information sharing.
I can't anymore
Because science and mindfulness. You seem to be the only creature alive who lights me up.
Real shit, bear.
Not anymore. I'm done with it.
I gave you this. I hope you knew it.
For us both
Yep. You are no longer my solution. You can't be. I've got to find my own.
Therapy 101 yesterday. I never realized. Now I do.
I hope you felt this, bear.
Otherwise you would hear me. There are no riddles. It's hard for me to trust you enough not to just say fuck it and fuck you, then walk. I do the best I can. Again. Not good enough for you.
Especially when that last jab stabs.
Reasons I like silence
Still figuring out which you are.
And THAT is why they're being enforced
The hard things.
My most fabulous bear...I wish to God you saw what I do in there.
Every morning. Every afternoon. Every night. No matter what I'm doing.
Your wish, mia Luna.
And that has been my practice because you didn't need MY shit, too. It made a hell of a tornado.
Heart. Break. It'll heal.
God, so fucked up.
Everything you don't want.
Somehow you were always value number one. You don't see it that way. You don't see the big picture.
I think the ache...the shocks sucked. Hit me right in the gut as they cut ties. But the ache just never ends.
And there's the actual truth. All of it.
Next life, you're mine. No more life cycles trying to get it right.
Truest damn words I've ever heard. Our after this will be different. I've heard your words and the lines between them. Words you let slip but answered things I NEEDED to know, even if it took my breath away. Slivers, hopes, one days...they are all burned to the ground. I went with them. But I ALWAYS stand back up. This time, I am your friend. I am only your friend. I am not your Barbie friend, your friend with benefits, your friend you fucked -that girl is dead and gone - I am your friend. You do not love me. I am not an exercise in obtaining affection, validation, and real love you otherwise don't get. You do not get the parts of me that are vulnerable and can be broken, which incidentally you undervalue and love to exploit. You are my friend. Take it or leave it. Then stop playing and go home to your wife.

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