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Dancing in the shadows Experiencing imposter syndrome on dance team

By Neysa Singh

Dance is my home – my safe space after a taxing day at school. I can leave all the stress of school and relationships outside of the studio and just be present.

Unfortunately, dance hasn’t always been this place of comfort for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love dancing, and it shaped a lot of my values and beliefs. But it has also been a place of insecurity and hardship. Despite the fact that I’ve been dancing for four years now, it is only recently that I have finally felt at peace with myself and my skills.

I started dancing in seventh grade, which is later than most competitive dancers would. My first days of dance are a blur, but I can remember instantly falling in love with it. Despite my late start, I was determined to improve quickly, and with a lot of hard work, I did. However, all of this changed coming into high school when I auditioned for the MVHS dance team.

Just auditioning for a team with such an esteemed reputation was nerve-wracking. I was hesitant to even try freshman year, unwilling to leave the comforts of my studio. But sophomore year, I built up the courage and decided to make the jump. My first workshop was extremely stressful to say the least, but I definitely felt a sense of belonging. The audition routine was fast, intricate, and when we did technique across the floor I couldn't stop the burning feeling of embarrassment in my chest at the officers and teachers' intense scrutiny. So you can imagine my surprise when I got the email that I made the team. After my elation faded, I was left with a pit in my stomach that I couldn't quite figure out. I made the team because I’m a good dancer, and I deserved to. Right?

My first practices weren't my finest moments. I knew coming in that the shift from studio dance wouldn’t be easy, but I was still taken aback by the contrast. Dance, a place where I had always felt safe, had become a place of insecurity. I constantly doubted if I truly belonged on this team, and if I was really good enough to be there. Small mistakes like falling out of a turn became large failures in my head and I felt like a fraud. Even now, in my second year on the team, I feel the need to prove to myself and others that I deserve to be here. To an extent, that has helped me with my dancing, and pushed me to be the best I can.

That doesn’t mean I’m completely over my initial insecurities, and still face feelings of imposter syndrome on dance team. However, I’ve learned to acknowledge that that's all they are: feelings. Now that I’ve matured and can control my emotions better, my self-doubt actually helps me stay focused and motivated.