You guys have been to a grocery store before, right? OK good. Just had to check. Why? Well, I'm glad you asked. You will receive participation points for today. Because this weeks newsletter is about my recent discovery of a new grocery store. (Please don't tell my current grocery store. I'm planning on breaking the news to them this week. I don't want them to think I broke up with them via newsletter. I made that mistake once before. I broke up with my first grocery store via newsletter and I received a very angry response newsletter back from them. They said, "our bond was stronger than any coupon." (I. disagreed.)
Last week, I was aimlessly wandering around downtown Portland. I do this quite frequently. I mostly do it because I'm just waiting for the day when I'm walking around the city and I encounter a big shot Hollywood agent wearing sunglasses and yelling on his 1980's cellphone, when he stops in his tracks, looks at me, and goes, "you." And I go, "me?" And he goes, "yeah you." And I say, "what do you want? I have to go study for a test." And he replies, "you're gonna be a star, kid. Hop in my limo and let’s go make a bunch of money." And then I reply, "OK." I very much want that to happen. Realistic fame dreams aside, I was wandering around the Pearl District when I walked past a Safeway. Now, I had never been inside this Safeway. Why? Thanks again for asking. You'll get extra credit for all your participation today. But I had never ventured into this Safeway because there is a Safeway literally three blocks from where I live. While I had never walked inside, I always wanted to. So, on this random late September day, I decided to change my life. I went grocery shopping at another Safeway. [Insert dramatic music]
When I walked in, I was starstruck. I had always seen photos of this Safeway on the grocery gossip sites, but this was my first time seeing it in person. Initially, I was lost. I had no idea where anything was. Luckily, there are only so many ways you can design a national chain of grocery stores, so everything was more or less in the same place as the other Safeway. The big difference though, was that this Safeway has bar. That's right, a bar. "Hey guys, let's meet up after work at Safeway, grab a seat at the bar, and watch the game!" That's a thing that people have said. One of the best things about the Safeway Bar, was that there was no cover charge. At least not when I was there. Maybe they do on the weekends. Who knows? This might be the most popular bar in Portland. At what other bar in Portland can you get bread, trash bags, shampoo, and conditioner?
Honestly, everything else about this Safeway was the exact same. Sorry. (Refunds will be available after the show. It may take up to five business days for the money to go back on your card.) While the Safeway's were similar, I think I found a new hobby. Walking through different Safeway's. It was so fun. Good, wholesome, fun. It was fun trying to discover if this Safeway offered any different items than the other Safeway. I was looking to find out if this was some elite Safeway that offered food that was too good for the other ones. That didn't really turn out to be the case, but like I mentioned earlier, THEY HAVE A BAR! They also have a Starbucks. I went inside a building that has a Starbucks, and a Bar. I think I've reached peak Portland. I'm just waiting for the day where there's a Starbucks inside a bar.
I think I want to visit all the Safeway's in the state of Oregon. It will be like touring different colleges. "Today, I'd like to officially announce that I am committing to shopping at the Pearl District Safeway. I'd like to thank my coaches, friends, mentors, and family."
Safeway having a bar inspired me to think about what else Safeway could do to attract more customers. The most logical answer? Safeway concerts. Safeway already sounds likes a cool, local music venue. "I saw Aisle 5 at Safeway last night. It was crazy. They gave out rewards cards to everyone." I'm thinking a Safeway music festival? A performer in every aisle. They've already got a speaker system, food, and cleaning supplies. It's perfect. Safeway, let's talk. Hop in my limo and let's make a bunch of money.
See you next week.
Credits:
Created with images by DariuszSankowski - "knowledge book library" • Liza - "number number 2 two silver metal screwed" • stevepb - "shopping supermarket merchandising" • cadop - "piano black and white player" • RondellMelling - "bar human bottles beverages alcohol lamps club" • Eric Muhr - "untitled image" • Priscilla Du Preez - "untitled image" • Sarthak Navjivan - "Hands Up"