The Great Bread and Butter Debate by Jonathan Rowen

The Argument:

For a completely free price, we are giving away very useful information. So please listen up because you will NOT want to miss out on this! A slice of buttered bread that is buttered on one side will not always land with the buttered side down. While it is true that it is possible for the buttered side down to be face down after it is dropped, this is not usually the case.

The Reassuring:

What you [The Church] has said about bread is simply false. This is not a question of power or authority, it is merely an amendment to what you have stated as fact. We are trying to help you for FREE. I know you may not believe this to be true, but listen to our compelling case.

The Evidence:

It was proven that bread dropped has a tendency to result in many forms. Some examples of the forms were butter side up, butter side down, or even that the bread folded in on itself. This in itself proves that the bread can end up grounded in many ways, not just the traditional butter side down way. But we went a step further to convince you to release our findings. Out of our 15 trials, the butter only landed butter side down 5 times. That means on average bread will land butter side down 33% of the time. We added a tablespoon more of butter each time we dropped the bread to be check if the amount of butter plays a role in the result of the bread. But, no evidence supported that theory.

The conclusion:

As you can see, the bread can land in a number of different ways. The provided evidence proves that your statement should simply be edited to be more accurate. Science shows that you were not entirely wrong since bread can land butter side down, but you were not completely right since the bread lands in many ways. We are not heretics, we are scientist trying to improve your statements and get the right information out to the world. And through doing this, it makes you, the Church, sound more accurate, honest, and knowledgeable.

Works Cited - “Butter Side Up.” ExtraDigital,

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