My Parkinsons And Poems. ( 1)

Parkinson's is not just my story , but our story , meet my husband Andrew

41 years this year

Hi every one , today is the 4 of July 2016

Hi all , well this is a new one to me , Iv never written a blog before , if fact I'm not very good at writing, I so wish I was , it opens the world to you, I have started a book , it was a while ago , at the moment I'm try to put it on my computer , and may be get it finished, now let's see how we go ,

I hope that you also enjoy my art work , I'm also new to this ,and it's something I have come to enjoy 🌸

Andrews up bright and early , as always , I never hear the alarm, he's so sweet , brings me up a cup of coffee every morning, It's 6.30, near time to get up , he'd say , As I'm waking up I relised I'd got my appointment at 9.30 At the Heartlands Hospital Birmingham, With the neurologist, my first appointment , I sat up in bed I can't understand why it's so difficult, I sat drinking my coffee and listened to the news, wondering at the same time what the verdict was going to be today , my biggest fear was cancer , have dealt with that one with my sister and my mum , and then I had a lump to , and motor neurone. Iv had people at work suffer from it , Iv seen what that can do , both really not nice,

After crawling out the bed , and slowly getting to the bathroom , I managed to have a shower, and get myself dressed, I'd been feeling so tired for so long , and ached something chronic, by the time I got down stairs it was near time to go, Andrew was pushing as he never been to this hospital before , he had set up the sat nav , so it should be easy to fined, I put my coat on and went out to the car, as Andrew pulled away this fear came over me , for some reason I hated the car, I felt nervous for some reason , yet I been driving for many years, it didn't help that I'd had an accident just months before , I had only just brought the new car to , lucky it wasn't a right off, all the way to the hospital I'd felt hot and sticky with nerves ,

Well arrived safe , no more than I should have exspected , as Andrews a good driver , it's me , it's in my head , well made it to the hospital on time , sitting in the waiting room , it was crossing my mined , what's wrong with me , for some time I thought it could be MS, the syptomes I'd got were just like those you got with MS, we both sat in silence waiting for my name to be called out , then this voice asked for Mrs Gage, well this is it , nows the time I will find out what is wrong with me ,

We went in to find a nice young neurologist a Mr Awade, He asked us to sit down , ok Mrs Gage , tell me what's happened to you and how you are feeling, Well we're do I start,

I told him I'd not felt right for some years, I felt so tired , and ached a lot, he asked how long had I been feeling this way , well I said , it goes back afew years , at least ten , but not as bad as it is now , i told him it started in my face , I noticed my face muscles would go tight , and my left eye would open and shut on its own, and would twitch, it was funny , one old girl said to me one day at work , would you stop winking at me , what's up with you are you one of those queer ones, , I would burst out laughing, she was such a sweet lady really , I use to get really tired and ached a lot , but I put it down to working 14 hours a days , I use to then loose my balance, and many a time ended on the floor, I lost count at the old house how many times I fell down the stairs, I u use to get unsteady to, but it's nothing to what I feel like now I told him, ten years ago I was under a lot of strain , my sister was living in Spain, and became very ill , I was out one morning when I got a text from my niece saying that she was in hospital , after making phone calls to Spain ,I found out she had cancer, she had a mastectomy , and they found she had ovarian cancer, we brought her back from Spain and she lived with us , Steve her husband managed to buy a place round the corner from us , and we nursed Linda till she passed, breast cancer affected every female in our family on my mothers side ,my mum passed back in 1990. Linda passed in the August 2009. and in the October , my dad then fell ill , he had prostate cancer and lukimia, we moved him from ,Gloucester to Peterborough , he was with us for four years and then he to passed , looking after dad wasn't easy, we never really got on , but it wasn't so bad , dad mellowed over the years, I hadn't seen him for 25 years when he moved in with us, he was not really interested in family , only women , and married a woman and left us all after my. Mum passed , but I done what I felt was right , I was his daughter , and I couldn't leave him so Ill to take care of him self, towards the end of dad's life , we had a room built for him , it was only a couple of months before he needed palliative care, I needed to be there 24/7 , so slept for months on the settee, by this time , unknown to me that I had pd , I was totally exhausted, there was no offers from the doctors to get help , I couldn't have carers until he was dying, things got worse , Andrew was working , I had to pack up my job , so financially it was also hard,

Eventually the Mc Millian nurse arranged for carers to come in every morning to wash and dress my dad, I just couldn't lift my dad any more on my own , I was so tired , I can't put it into words, through all of this I to had a double mastectomy, then things went wrong with the surgery , I believe today I had the implants that were produced in France, made by pip , I became really ill , it took five ops to put things right , I had the last one February 2016 , and lost after all the operation my breast , as I couldn't have implants replaced, I do wonder if the chemicals in the implants is the cause of my pd, I think it's something I will never know, But I have to be greatdul im still here ,

Oast houses Kent ,

After my dad passed , the day after I put the house on the market, we both felt we need a new start, we had been through so much, I didn't really know how I felt at the time , I was so confused,, it was like I wanted to escape I couldn't think any more, I couldn't think straight , I wanted to run , it sounded crazy , but that's what we did ,

In the February 2015. we moved down to Birmingham, to be near my son Jonathan and Jo Anne and baby Sarah, we found a lovely house , two bedroom , in a quiet street, I called it my Wendy house,we worked and got our house round a bit , I dug the garden and planted up, and it was in full bloom for the summer , I noticed a big difference in my self, was becoming very slow, my mood had changed, I was getting up tight over small things, and things became harder to do, I kept saying to my daughter in law , I don't feel right , there's some think wrong , but I can't put my finger on it, I was loosing interest in things to, on April 2nd 2016 , it was my 60 th birthday , and I spent the weekend up in Peterborough , we had a lovely weekend, May came round , things got worse , I got up In the morning , and didn't want to get dressed, I didn't feel like doing any thing , my brain couldn't take any thing in, Andrew would start up a conversation and it all was a muddle in my head, I got bad tempered , and that wasn't like me, I became forgetful, I noticed my writing was get bad, and my speech slur, it was a lovely day , and I was sitting in the conservatory on my iPad, it was lovely and warm , and I was really relaxed , after awhile I got up to make a coffee, I took two steps , and then I couldn't feel my legs , i tried to move, and lost my balance and ended up on the floor, I couldn't get up and called for Andrew , he rushed in , and managed to get me up onto the settee, I told him what had happened , and I knew something was wrong for real , on the Monday I went to the doctors , she done some tests and made an appointment for the neurologist,

After explaining everything that had happened over the last six months I the neurologist , he then done some test, writing , finger test , all sorts, of tests, he sat back and then just come out and said I had Parkinson's.

Well andrew and I just sat and stared at each other, it wasn't what I was exspecting, I thought he would say I was over tired , or that I had MS , that is what I thought it would be if any thing, I'd got it in my mined, we were in total shock , Andrew was speechless, the first thing the neurologist said was I'm not going to die from it, but I knew that , I left the hospital thinking my life will never be the same, he wrote me out a pricription and said he will see me in six months,

When I got home we just sat drinking our coffee, and wondered what are we to do know, we had just moved into our new house , and it would be no good for some one that can't walk , I just sat and cried, I couldn't stop, the next day Andrew went of as usual to work , me I sat at home just crying , I didn't know much about PD, all though I had nursed people with it ,

I went on Facebook , to let my friends know what had happened , and then typed parkinsons into the search bar , and I found a wonderful group, so friendly and helpful, I left a post saying I had just been diagnosed with Parkinson's, and they gave me all the info I needed, I'm still in the group and feel a big part of it, it's like an exstended family we all share

As the weeks went by , I took the meds , it made me feel so sick at first, but I got use to them , I still couldn't get going , that apathy was hanging around, my tremor was getting worse, and I couldn't face food, I lost my appetite and could not taste any thing , couldn't smell any thing , my energy was so low, I had no interest in any thing , and yet at the same time I so wanted to get up and do the things I use to , it was like greiveing for the life I use to have , I so missed being able to get up quick like I use to and rush around like a cat on a red hot poker, I missed the days when I could sit at night and run a long list of that I had done during the day ,

My poor husband , I use to look after him , and now it the other way round, the grieving was not just me or the anger,, I think Andrew was feeling it to , we done so much together, because I wasn't hungry he would not eat, we both went down hill, and both ended up on antidepressants, Andrew came out with shingles, we were at our lowest, and still taking what life through at us, Andrew had problems at work , he was worried for weeks about his job, I could no longer work , work was some thing I miss , I miss the chats and meeting people, I really want to go and get a job , but I just can't see me coping alday as I am at the moment, l started to get more symptoms , the tremor got worse , I was getting a lot of pain , that I think is the fibromyalgia, I was diagnosed with ten years earlier to, also the none motor symptoms were to getting worse, id been suffering with Indegestion for a few years , but was now getting it nearly every day , and sweating the bed out , I know it's not the menapouse as I'm way past that, Iv had an appointment with the Parkinson's nurse and she made arrangements with the physiotherapist and the dietitian, Iv been to those and am start exercises and tai chi when there's a place, the dietitian was also very good, Iv not been eating well and that affects Andrew to , so she has advised us on getting into a routine of eating, and I hope that will improve, our lives now are so different , one thing I so wish is that the people around me would read about PD , my son Jonathan , has very little understand of it , he thinks it just a tremor and I can't walk straight , may be he's worried what he might read I don't know , but it helps for all the family to have the knowllage and understanding of pd, also andrew I would like him to join the group , I think it would help him a lot , but he won't at the moment , I'm not going to fulse him, he will in time ,

At the beginning I found it over whelming to , as every one looked on the worse scenario, Andrew was out side measuring up for an extension and patio , stair lifts , and knocking out walls , had all these ideas , it took awhile for me to understand that he was in a panic mode, and it took time for me to get him to slow down , I'm fine, it could take years before I need any thing like that, so sit back and relax, no worries , Andrew has been amazing, , he's helped , all those years I looked after him , done what I could so he didn't have to worry about home, just go to work and relax, I can't thank him enough , he has put up with so much over the last few years, while I'd got what I call hidden pd, I'm a placid person, but I must admit pd does bring the worse out unexpectedly,

Underneath I have worried, no one knows what tomorrow will bring, Iv got passed my grieveing stage, and my anger , I'm slowly excepting that this is how my life is, I try every day to get up and do three things, if I get them done , I know I should be happy, I get the good days and the bad, some days I can't do much , but there's a lot I know I can do to help my self, exercise for one, and Iv now got my exercise bike , I go all over the place in my mine on it, While I'm siting on it peddling away, taking up a hobbies also does the mined good, when I was at my lowest , I had no interest in any thing , so I started painting and crocheting, I found I could do this and it was so good , i relax , it made me feel calm , also I started to write poems , some thing Iv never done , but again have so enjoyed it ,this pd has a strange affect on the brain, Iv surprised myself in what Iv achieved,

it's now six months since I first got diagnosed with pd, Iv got a better understanding of it , and as odd as it sounds , this parky friend , that started as an enemy , can be a friend some times , it's slowed me down , I enjoy what I see in the world today , I look at the beauty of what's around me, it makes me think about what we have and to be greatful , slowing down gives you the chance to see the whole world in a different picture,, and to enjoy it at a slower pace

I do look back on what Andrews and I use to so enjoy , we would be out every sat night , had a great group of friends and we all go dancing, we went to lessons, learnt the waltz cha cha the tango , we all get dressed up , and be out there on the floor , we loved line dancing, loved our cow boy and girl out fits, went every Wednesday for it , and use to go away for weekends doing the line danceing, andrew loved shooting , and I'd go beating, it was lovely on a frosty morning , I'd make slow gin , and we take it with us , it use to warm us up. We also had a caravan , near sherringham , it was lovly there we go every chance we had, but we worked hard , Andrew would run the business , I'd done 14 hour shifts and the books , and when we could we be up cutting grass and going to help friends lay lawns , it was fun back then in so many ways,

Eve of a new year 31 /12/2016

Meet our Millie
My Millie mo

I have a little dog

Her name is Millie mo

Iv had her since she was one

From a rescue place I know

She's not to big And not to small ,

But she's like a big fur ball

and has the most beautiful tail

That Iv ever seen

I love her fur it is so long

And the colour to

She has the most beautiful sable fur

And grooming I must do

You see she has this wonderful tail

It hangs there to the ground

And every one do comment

It is a lovely blonde

She hides away when bath time comes

And moans that she don't like

But once she's in ,She starts to sing

And has a great time,

She loves her walks

And plays with her ball

But She's the boss and she does rule

The house is her domain

She's taken over the bed,

And squeezes In between

She hates the vets and gets upset

Her nails she hates to have cut

She crys and crys

And there's tears in my eyes

I hate it when she's upset

She is no good and guarding

Any one can come in

She licks them till there soaking wet

And won't leave them alone

She get me out for the walks

And loves to run around

But Millie mo is a wonderful dog

She keeps me company

I don't know what I would do

if she wasn't here with me

Sue gage 🌺

31/12 2016

Well it's New Year's Eve , and won't belong untill we're in the new year, of 2017. I'm not sure if I want to make a New Years resolution, it never seems to work for me, but one thing I do want this year is a stress free life with Andrew , after the last ten years it's been nothing but worry and hurt, I also would like it to be a positive one, this last year has thrown us , and our emotions seem to over take and we loose the ability to stay calm and think straight, I want today to be a relaxing day for both of us, and go into the new year as we mean to go on,

Meet my Millie

Well what would I like for next year apart from a smooth and happy one, we do need to be think of the future , I wouldn't at the moment normally , things haven't got any worse my pd seems to be under control as much as they can get it , but our neighbours came round before Christmas and mentioned that the bungalow next to them was going on the market in April, Andrew and I have spoken about it and feel this could be the opportunity to move and would ease our mined for the future, we could relax for a bit , until the next stage of my PD, so we will have to arrange to see this bungalow before we make up our mined to put our house on the market, i. do love this little house , it reminds me of my childhood , it's small but neat , and easy for us to clean , Andrew and I call it our Wendy house ,so let's see what happens next year,

This last year our lives have been upside down , so this year , I would really like to get back to how it use to be, I know things aren't easy ,with pd, but to get out more, meet people like we use to, I'm finding we're we live a lot of things going on, we have a shop on the green up the red from us , it's called the crafty cow, full of lovely craft things , wool paints alsorts, but behind it a lovely conservatory we're they have a craft afternoon, so I think that's one place il be going to,


I saw a Bird

This morning I saw a bird up in a tree

A most beautiful bird I ever did see

A pure white dove as white as snow

It came for a visit to let me know

Good morning my friend

What a lovely day,

Iv come for a chat ,

Please come my way

He flew to the bench

And sat on the arm

I sat down beside him

He had such charm

He said it's like this

Iv been sent from above

There's no need to worry

Gods message has come

He stands there beside you

There at your side

He knows you are hurting deep inside

He knows your in pain,

And life's hard as you know

He sending an angel

I thought I'd let you know

He knows you are grieving

For the life you had

And he said for me to tell you

Just give it time

For each flower that opens

Into a beautiful bloom

Time will be passing

It will heal your wounds

God is beside you

The Angels are here

Just hold out your hand

And they will be there

The beautiful white dove

Had to say good bye

As he flew off

Angels fill the sky .

I sat on the bench All alone

I knew God was beside me

I really wasn't alone ,

Sue gage 🌺


Since new year , Iv had a few problems, my meds I feel need changing , there not lasting the day out , but I'm not sure if any thing will, I'm in this lovely group and reading some of the post there , it seems to me that meds are there just to relieve symptoms, others still get that awful ache and tremours , it takes the energy out of you and you become stiff in the muscles so it makes it very difficult to move, even my fingers I have problems with , but not long before I see the neurologist, 14 Feb, Iv had the most awful cold to , makes the pd worse, I felt like I had the flu, but it's just a cold, the worse thing is my eyes at the moment , it's all very strange, over the last il say six months , it could be longer ,Iv noticed that I can't see the tv so well , it's been gradual, and Iv been having these well they call them zaps in my head , like electric, it only happens for a few seconds , when it does it put everything out, my mind goes blank and It very disoriented, I don't know if my eyes problem is connected, my eyes I can feel the muscles moving , it's as if one eye goes one way and the other stays in place, my left eye is the worse, as the day goes on my sight gets worse, I went to put something on the floor the other day , and I put in down and it stopped , what I could see was the floor was further away , so I picked it up to see what was stopping it , and it was the floor , things that are close become closer and things that are further go further , very strange , Iv had my eyes tested , I'm praying that the new glasses will sort this problem out , the zaps I get come on in the evening, some times morning but most evenings, it starts when some one may simple put a cup down ,or coughing , I have no idea what it is or why I have it , but il ask the neurologist when I see him ,

The other thing I must try and get over is not wanting to go out, I need to if I want my life back , it worries me now meeting new people , I sit at home and so wish I could go and simply have a coffee with some one , I had a nice lady I met from our local Facebook , Gail , she got in touch and came round for a coffe , but I was going to hers this week , but Iv got this cold , it's not a nice one , and rang her , I will go and see her soon , make arrangement , but this not wanting to go out seems to be a pd thing , there's lots in the group the same ,

I wake up from my dream

I wake up from my dreams

To a beautiful day

The sun is up its like the bloom

Of the sunflower that grows so high

And in my dream it comes alive,

With the flurry of birds flying through the sky

And there I fly by there side ,

Over the hill up so high

Oh how I wish I could go any we're I please

Fly across the ocean, and in among the trees

sit amongst the branches and watch the world go by,

And be as free as a bird,

I'd fly and sit on the canopy

High up in the Amazon,

The forest full of palm trees,

And full of colourful birds

It comes alive day and night

You can hear they music playing

It's is full of life ,

It's free , it's wild , and amazing

The toucan sits , so colourful

There's monkeys swinging high

From the unhurahui tree

As I watch fro m high

I could fly off to a desert island

And watch the waves roll in

And as they gently roll Over rocks near by

There's a starfish sunbathing

The sea is clear like tinted blue glass

I can see the fish so clearly

There swimming in and out the coral

It's like looking at a painting

There are so many places that i could fly

When I'm in my dream

The world is so full of wonderful things

I only wish I could see them

There is so little time on earth

We can not see it all,

But we can dream a wonderful dream

And hope our dreams come true

Susan gage 🌺

Thinking positive that's my word for 2017

Well this year we want to be positive about our future, well positive about everything , it's been just over six months since I was diagnosed, and I'm feeling in my mined a lot better , im still forgetful ,but Andrew helps , I forget to do the simple things , like I can't remember if I go to the shop what I have to get,Andrew helps with the cooking, as I tend to leave the cooker on , did one day and the tomato sauce bottle started to burn, well it ended up with no lid, Iv in the last six months left the cooker on at least once a month. House work is difficult , the Hoover seems heavy now, I don't know if the hoovers put weight on , or it's me, getting weaker, but we have got our heads together and organised our selves so we're not stressing , about what we need to do ,there is so much that is negative about PD that it's very difficult to stay positive. But Iv done some thing that other are surprised , and this is what I said, it's a post that I put on my Facebook page, I had a couple of comment asking how can I make friends with PD , you will find it further on ,

I'm holding a group BBQ this year for the group! I'm looking forward to it , but it's a while since I've done one with so many people , we do all chat with in the group , but we have never met in person, and I'm a little nervous , it's again a PD thing ,

Have a positive day

When life seems hard , and it get you down

And you don't know we're to turn

When the hill you walk seems so steep

And your tired and exhausted

Then sit and rest for a while

And take a look around

As some times we will fail

But we learn to get up and walk on

As every one of us will learn

Ever one has failures

And if your down then up you get,

And start all over again

Your mined must not be idle

It needs things to do

A hobbies , or a bike ride

Any thing to cheer your mind

Don't look back ,to see what's behind

Look forward to the day

The negative feel get rid off

Make positive your day

Embrace your day , get rid of fear

Let go of shame and doubts

Make today the first day

To be positive and let the sun come out

Susan Gage🌸

Being positive

My Facebook post , this is how I come to terms with by PD

Thinking positive that's my word for 2017

When I was diagnosed with PD , I was devastated, like all you lovely people , I hated not being able to get up and do what I wanted when I wanted, and like some in the beginning I wanted to curl up and die, but now I want my life back , I know it's going to be different , I want control, so the only way is to befriend Mr PD, what he has taught me is time , time that I have to may be make the most of , but also the time I have on my hands now , I'd always been a busy person, and when I was diagnosed On my worse days , I'd sit twiddling my thumbs and crying, and I felt guilty in not using the time to do something , any thing ,

So I have befriended MR PD, and Iv thank him , not for all the nasty things he's done to me ,and what he's going to dish out in the future, but for what he's given me,

He has made me sit down and take a good look at my life ,

He has given me the time to look on this world and enjoy it , the nature , no matter we're I am , I look out in the garden and now enjoy what's living in it and the birds that pop in and out and come to my door for feed, i enjoy the flowers I have planted, and the people that are around me , When I go out , I look at people and some I think they to could be like me ,I see things so different now

Iv always been in To craft , thanks to my dear mum, but never really had the time to sit and enjoy doing it, iv always enjoyed my crochet and baking when I had the time, Iv found that I enjoy other things as well now, never in a Million years would I have started to write poems , I never thought putting in writing how I felt would help so much ,and that I could actually write a poem , Iv enjoyed my writing, Iv also enjoyed painting, I'm a beginner again never done it before not since school , I know Iv got a lot of practicing to do , but it's so relaxing, Iv found out things about myself , things I never knew before , and things I never thought I could do , on my worse days , instead of just sitting I do my craft , and it helps to keep my mined of the pd, so there is a good side to all and I make the most of time, as we don't know how much time we have to do the things we enjoy, my next thing is to get out of this house more , see what's about , and to enjoy other people , a few years ago I started to write a book , I'm not so good at writing , never now where to put my false stops ect, and my spelling has got worse with this pd, but I'm transferring what Iv done onto my iPad, I just hope it's got enough memory , and I can finish it ,

With pd , it's with you 24/7 and it can make you very low, Iv separated my pd , from my mind, I have pd , but it don't have my mined , not yet, so when I do my craft work , I concentrate on the craft I'm enjoying, but my pd is at the back of my mined,

And if he pops out , I make sure he pops back , we have come to an arrangement , he don't interfere when I doing my craft,

By concentrating , I do forget about pd, I think finding some thing that you enjoy doing ,and do each day , helps loads, and it's rewarding . I also try and think positive, and I have control, the reason being , I have pd, pd does not have me, my mined is me and I will fight tooth and nail to stop PD having me ,

I think it's important to keep your mined occupied and why not do it , doing some thing you enjoy ,after all most of us , can't work , we have a opportunity un like those that are working , to start enjoying life in a simple way,

So have I accepted pd , yes , why , because it's life , and we all get dished out cards that just don't play fair ,I have it , I can't get rid of it , if I don't accept it , it will destroy what life I have left, it will eat me away , it will make me angry, and it will make me into some one I'm not , so yes I accepted, but I'm in control , I like me , not pd x🌺💕

Music in the trees

I woke up early one morning,

Just as the sun did rise

The mist was slowly moving

Across the fields In sight

My little dog was happy

Greeting with excite

She's wagging her tail to tell me

She want to go out side

We walked along a muddy path

With tree on both sides

I looked up as the sun shone through

What an amazing sight

There's dewdrops on the branches

And webs been cleverly spun

The morning birds are singing

I can hear them every one

My little dogs impatient

She wants to run and play

And walking down this little path

Theres a river hidden away

We sat and rest on a grassy bank

As we watch the river flow

The ripples of the water

Ran softly over the stone

I sat and listened quietly

The music all around,

the bird song and the water,

The creaking of a brunch

The rustle of the field mouse

Running through the leaves

They each and every one

Play a note of melody

The music that comes from with in the wood

Is a orchestra of its own

The wood it self it comes alive

With each and every note,

I sit here it so peaceful,

My little dog by my side

She sits here very quiet

I wonder what's on her mind

I pray to God and thank him

For every music note

For if there were no trees and streams

Or creatures with In a wood,

We'd have no music notes

To make an orchestra

Our world would be a silent one

With out gods creature here

Sue Gage 🌺

Well that's it for know folks , will be back and up date soon 🌸

Well at the moment with some of the problems Iv got with this PD , I need to get sorted , my eyes , fingers crossed the glasses will help, and the meds, I do get a lot of off days , it's odd really , because yesterday , I had a really good day , I cleaned the house , not something I do on my own often , but for one day I felt normal , well until tes time , and then all of a sudden he comes back , but for those hours it felt so nice,

I started my tai chi a couple of weeks ago , I so enjoyed it , there were eight of us , it was at the hospital , I sadly missed the second one due to haveing this cold , but am looking forward to going next week , I had never done tai chi before , was amazed how relaxing it was, and when these at the hospital finish , I'm going to stat tai chi at the church ,

Over the last year with this PD, Iv not done much exercise , but we have a big thing coming up in June, the group are found to climb Snowdon , it's nine mile walk , it's for charity for Parkinson's uk , it helps to try and find a cure , I'm so looking forward to this , we will be away for a few days , it's beautiful there , I do worry if il be able to get up the top, but there's a cafe half way , and if I can go as far as that .il be happy, it's nine miles to the top , I need to get ready for this , so I'm on my exercise bike every day , Iv put weight on , so must loose some , but I think PD is going to do it for me, I'm going through the same thing as when I first got diagnosed, I don't want food , I cook dinner , but can't eat it , I know Iv already lost some weight,

We are booked in at a bed and breakfast, it looked lovely there , and we're all going out for dinner , this will be the first time I will be meet some from the group, my confidence with people has gone, but I am trying very hard to get back some normality with people , out of the two of us I was the chatty one , the one that wanted to mix, Andrew is the quite one, I have with some talked on Skype and I do enjoy that , it's like having coffee with each other, some live in the uk and others abroad, it's like sitting in the same kitchen , I have a friend Denitia, and we Skype often , she cooks dinner , while we're talking , some times I'm sure I can smell the aroma of her dinner cooking ,

Behind the Stars

As I lay beneath the stars,

I wonder we're are we from,

we're just a tiny speck of dust ,

Compared to what's up there

The heavens are so vast,

It's never got an end

But there's some thing beautiful

In the darkness of outer space,

The planets that all shine

There stars that twinkle in the dark

Even the moon comes alive,

It lights the way at night

There's a wonderful place behind the stars

It's called heaven

It's were we go when it's time

To meet all our loved ones

It's hidden up there in space,

You never know it's there

Until the golden gates are open ,

And your invited in

And when you enter through that door

The peace there's nothing like it

It's an over whelming feeling

Of life as you have never known it

The sky so blue , and the sun shines bright

the air is so fresh, there's fields of green

And lakes of blue ,

and flowers of all colours,

We're butterfly's and bumble bees

are in and out each flower

The sky's so full of bird,

In all sorts of colour,

And all the souls in heaven,

Are angels with there wings

The music it's so soft, as they all sing

I am happy here looking up at the stars,

But one day that door will open ,

And all my loved ones that have passed

And all my little pets , Will be waiting there

To meet me , when I'm ready,

Susan Gage 🌻

I'm going to finish for the moment , and il come back at some point to update, as you can see , it's easy to roll down and start when you have left off, I hope that you enjoy my blog, I would be greatfull for comments , as this does help me for my future , updates ,

Thank you for taking the time to read ,

Well I'm back , I though I was going to have a good start to 2017. I was so positive at the start, my zaps I was getting in the brain which was like and electric shock has near gone, but know I have another problem my eyes , Iv been seeing double and my eyes go blurred, it's not all the time , I find at times using the key board hard , the keys go away from me and the letters over lap , so Iv not been in face book much , been resting them as much as possible ,I was outing some thing on the floor beside me , and it was funny , I put it down and it stopped but the floor looked another six inches away , I couldn't work it out, but I had put it on the floor , I found my iPad the same the keys seemed to come away from the iPad , all very strange, any way Iv been to see the nurolagist, he has checked my eyes , apparently according to him it's not to do with my pd, but it's another nurolagical problem , I'm going next week for tests in my eyes and muscles, and hope they can find out the problem and treat it , it is worring ,

At the moment I'm not doing my craft work much , if I do I start it in the morning , just for a little while,I find if I do to much the symptoms come back , so Iv not been on face book , I'm in this group , there all wonderful , but I found it very hard to type , with the letters going over each other , andrew has helped with some post, it I so miss them all , I hope things will get sorted soon,

the other thing to is im now on another drug three times a day , madopar, the mirapexine I took in the mornings , it's slow release and I found it soon stopped working after a few hours, and I got that terrible ache that you get with pd , I still take it , but I also take the madopar three times a day , it's working well , it gives me another couple of hours. Window inbeween , and I do feel a lot better, Iv been going for phisotherpy and my tai chi, I do enjoy it , my balance it's still the same , I still go off to the right , my right leg is stiff, and my step is smaller than the left, but the tai chi is very relaxing,

Spring is just round the corner

As winter goes and spring arrives

The daffodils they dance in the sun

The breeze blow the tree tops

As the birds sing there morning song

The flowers come out and spread there colour

And Roses of wonderful perfume

Daffodils dance in the breeze

And the bluebells ring like heavenly bells

As Mother Nature ,comes alive,

It burst into song

Spring it yields so many things ,

It's the best season of all

And all the trees are bursting into leaf

They burst so quick you can't see

It's time for new and rabbits are born

The lambing time is here,

I can't wait for spring to come,

when every thing is new

When all the plants are just budding

And the blossom is in bloom.

Every thing seems so clean

It's fresh all covered in dew,

And as the early morning rises

The mist flows slowly across the dune

The gentle tide roll in

And the sun rises over the sea

The fishing boats were launched early

Out catching fish for tea

Along the path the primrose blooms

A tiny lemon flower ,

so delicately it moves In the breeze

It dances the morning ballet

The path I walk whines through the wood,

My little dog loves her walk

She plays among the bluebells

While they ring like church bells

And way above the canopy

The birds begin to nest

As they rush around to fine

Twigs to build there nest

Every thing comes alive In spring time

It's the season when all is new,

It's clean ,

it fresh ,

and bright .

Susan gage 🌸

Well I have been and had a conduction test , it wasn't very nice was painful , they put needless in different parts of the body , and some round the eyes, the eyes was so painful , The doctor and nurse looked at each other with an odd look , after I asked why , apparently there was a problem with my test and it showed I had problems with my muscles in my legs, I found out later I had also got problems with my eyes , it was myasthenia gravis , I Waite dot be confirmed with the neurologist, but never heard a thing , that was in Feb this year 2017 , I'm now going on the 7 th of Nov , my eyes are getting really bad, I can't read well now and itsgot were my muscles pull and I see two of every thing , some could be pd , but until Nov I won't know ,over this year I have got steadily worse , my balance is not very good , I have to use a elbow crutch , my walking and stamina have to , Iv fallen down the stairs a few times , so now have a stair lift and wet room to, at the moment I'm still trying to work out why me and only me in the family , over the years Iv had head injuries , to three bad ones, but it could be chemical to , I don't think il ever know the reason,

I wrote my first book this year , poems about Parkinson's, and many more different ones , it's a group book very colourful and well worth the read

So I'm waiting for Nov , when I have two appointments , one for pd and myasthenia gravis , and the other for possible tumars on the para glands , I will know so how my future is planed

Soon il be back to write what that is , 🌸

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