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Wear a Fucking Mask By Nick Werren

Article contains strong language throughout.

On July 13th, Tim Stanley wrote an empty thought-splurge for The Telegraph: “Face masks don't build confidence in this horrible 'new normal', they destroy it”. In this little piece, Tim laments the inhumanity of face masks, which have been made “mandatory” to save human lives. Very cool, Tim! Then, about a week later, Camilla Long shared a fun Sunday Times article she had written and somehow decided was acceptable to be seen by eyes attached to a brain. The headline of her article reads: “Lighten up, facemask Nazis. I was having my nails done, not filing my way out of jail”. Say what you like about Camilla Long, but I think we can all agree that it’s awesome to call people nazis for asking you to wear a face mask to save human lives when there are actual neo-nazis on our streets saluting in front of the Cenotaph. She shared this sassy write-up on Twitter, accompanied with a claim that “There is zero clear evidence on the effectiveness of masks”. She has since deleted that tweet, probably because it was an incredibly stupid thing to say.

I would now like to ask the following question: What the fuck is going on?

Are these people fucking stupid, mad, or simply murderously disingenious? And why the fuck are The Times and The Telegraph giving them a platform? Do I have to explain how masks work and why they prevent a deadly virus from spreading when coughing is one of the symptoms? Is that something I’m going to have to do? Do we live in fucking hell? Fine. Let’s do it. Let’s talk about why covering your mouth stops a contagious disease that is carried on the mucus you cough out when you have the disease. Christ, I hate this.

When you breathe, speak, cough, or scream into the void you are ejecting tiny droplets of fluid from your mouth, throat and lungs. These droplets range from between 20 to 500 micrometers [1] and masks with fine weaves prevent this [2]. That second link is from the World Health Organisation, so if your brain has been eaten by maggots and you’ve decided to deny anything they say then go ahead and test it yourself. Here’s how, get two petri dishes and fill them both with agar jelly. Cough on one with a mask on and cough on another without. Cover the dishes up and see what grows [3].

Okay, now we’ve got past the science stuff, let's address the second particularly thick and nasty component of the anti-mask movement: “being forced to wear a mask infringes upon my personal liberties”. To which I say: shut the fuck up! You can’t walk around in public completely nude, does that infringe on your liberties? Yeah, it does a bit, but the public don’t want to see your bare ass, buddy. We’re literally trying to stop a pandemic here.

This all reeks just like the manure that is shovelled daily out of the drooling mouths of right-wing pundits in America. Alongside chlorinated chickens, we appear to have imported a tragically stupid culture war that tears countries apart. It’s propaganda which is being used to construct a completely artificial reality that intentionally fails to reflect the disastrous road we are being led down by the actual morons in charge. It is so stupid and I cannot believe this is where we are as a society.

Ultimately, these chuds who are paid to scream about the injustices of mandatory facemasks are the very same people who claim that free speech allows us to weed out weak ideas through debate. Do you think it is worth anyone’s time to debate why you should wear a mask? The answer is obviously no. These pricks believe in nothing. Wearing a mask is the easiest fucking thing you can do and an utterly basic gesture of decency to keep the people around you safe. This ridiculous fucking moment makes it clearer than ever that there’s no convincing these people to do the right thing. Debating them is a complete waste of time. They just want people to hear their nasty little fucking ideas and get paid for it by other nasty rich pricks.

[1] https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMc2007800

[2] https://apps.who.int/iris/rest/bitstreams/1279750/retrieve

[3] https://twitter.com/richdavisphd/status/1276629360212979712

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Created with an image by Anshu A