Another Explanation... Or, why death matters

My name is jkhinzman. You may know me as Joshua, Josh, Phloo, Phloo-ID, SPoT or maybe even Kludge, but for right now, my name is jkhinzman. I like to name all of the different artist projects I do. My music has been produced under the name Descent Psychosis for some time. I named my home studio Psychotic! Sound Systems a short time after that. And I come up with a new name for my web designing with just about every new web site I do. I have also used MultiMedia Assassins Guild or LiquiMedia as a moniker for the video work I do. But recently, I decided to make a big change.

A desktop I designed a very, very long time ago.

All of my artistic endeavors are now being channeled into the umbrella name of 30% Studios. This will include all my music, art, design, graphics and anything else I choose to put there. 30% refers to a near death experience I had recently in which I was given a 30% chance of living through. It was a bit of an eye opener and led to me changing my mind about quite a few things.

a logo for 30% studios

One of the first things I realized after pulling the feeding tube out of my face was that being sick was not actually all that much fun. This applied to being considered both mentally and physically ill. It was at this point that I decided that I didn't want to be labeled as psychotic anymore, especially when being "merely" bi-polar was more than enough to cause pain and suffering to many of those who loved me and to myself as well. So Psychtoic! Sound Systems was going to be renamed.

The first meal I finished at the hospital. It was a breakfast, as I recall.

As I lay in the ICU unaware of whether it was day or night I realized that this was as close to rock bottom as I cared to be. There was no further descent when none of my friends came to visit me. My own family members wouldn't stay long enough to see me out of my coma and the two people I loved the most couldn't stop the frustrations between each other long enough to release the palpable tension that they had created. So Descent Psychosis had to change, too.

A very old flyer for a non-event.

So if I didn't want to be labeled as sick, why am I advertising I almost died?

The very first officially released Descent Psychosis CD.

30% is a difficult number to me. It's not quite unsurmountable, but it's definitely not high enough to assume you will live. But it's definitely enough to make you think. I have thought long and hard about it. I was in a coma for four days during which at some point my girlfriend whispered words in my ear to the effect of:

'"All of these people have done everything they can. They've brought in all these machines and specialists to make sure that you live. But they have done all they can at this point. Now you have to take over. If you want to live, it's on you. You have to do it. You and you alone will bring you out of this And I believe you want to live. And I believe in you"'
Thinkin' about being in a coma makes us very, very sad now.

I believe wholeheartedly that was the moment I started getting better. I believe wholeheartedly that I need to be reminded that when confronted with a choice between life and death, I chose life.

A Healthy Life.

So for the time being, while I work through all of this, it's 30% Studios. A reminder that death is only there if you want it.

and a reminder that I can change.

-jkhinzman

jkhinzman as a teenage rebel without a cause.
Created By
jk Hinzman
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Photos and graphics also by jkhinzman

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