Camille Belton~~~Ellimac~~~Bard~~~Journey Log 7
January 10 2017. This was the start of the new spring semester. I had made it through my first semester of college. I was entering my second semester with high hopes, expectations, and goals.
The good part about having high hopes, is that it allows you to form some sort of path to follow. Personally, I like to create a path or plan and try my best to stick to it.
The part about having high hopes or setting your goals high they don’t tell you about is the failure. The higher your goals the more room for error and chance to curve the path.
This is what I have come to realize over the past week. All of my high hopes for the semester have been buried six feet under the ground
I was failing and failing hard. Not in the literal sense of having F’s in all classes, but it was more in the sense of not reaching my goals.
This week was key in seeing my failure, because I finally slowed down and analyzed what was really going on.
Mentally, I was done. I could not even spell focus if I tried. My mind was everywhere expect where it needed to be.
Physically, I was tired. Waking up for 8ams then going to bed at 11:30 pm every night was not fun. I looked like trash with a smile taped on top
Emotionally (and academically) I was sad and lonely. I had done terrible on my midterms. All my friends are home having fun for their spring break, and I am here in Clemson eating Wendy’s at 12am every other night.
This week it truly felt like a failure. Not only to my family, and community, but personally I was hurt. I didn’t know how I got to this point. I don’t know how to save myself.
With a little help from my sister, my plan to make it through the semester pretty much includes: flexibility and openness
Flexibility it the ability to adapt to situations, expectations, or demands. Right now you could say, I’m acting ridged. If one thing goes wrong it’s the end of the world. Instead I just need to accept and move on. Circumstances change and I have to change with them.
Openness is the willingness to consider new ways of being and thinking in the world. As open and positive I am with other people, I do not show the same manner to myself. For so long I’ve been contained a box of expectations, but this is college. If anything this is the time for me to step and explore different sides of myself. It’s scary, but it’s probably necessary.
Overall I know even though I feel like a failure, I’m not. This is just a low moment and I need to readjust my path. Perhaps I need to set more obtainable goals.
I think after spring break I’ll feel better, have new motivation, and a new plan. I’m not giving up. I’ll keep pushing.