The life that never changed by: Dali bellegarde

Things were going bad enough. I had a bad enough life as it is and all I needed was for someone to finally understand. But Then it happened, I finally told someone what has happened to me and I met someone who made things better, who made me think and see more clearly that the world is not that bad of a place. I finally felt happy with this person and I hope and wished that we were going to be together forever but sadly one day that all changed.

I didn’t feel like I was the right person that belonged in a world like this, full of excitement and happiness because I was never really like that. As I kid I was the happiest kid in the world with a loving family in till my family fell apart then I became quiet and shy and scared if I say something someone will smack me or yell at me I couldn’t ever defend myself cause I'm afraid of others would do if I did. I never wanted to tell or for anybody to find out what has happened to me or tell them what has happened cause I don’t want my life to go back to the way it is.

As a kid I was bullied called names, pushed into lockers for the way I dressed and looked cause my family never really had a lot of money to care for me. My family doesn't really care about me all they did was hurt me in a way no kid should be treated. I was thinking thought of telling someone or speaking up but I never did cause I knew that no one would ever believe me or my parents would find out and tell them it's not true cause no one ever really did believe a fourteen year old girl. If I did speak up no one would understand or get that I came from an awful home that’s not good to grow up in and to learn from.

I never really had a family I had to show me what it's like to be a kid or how to do things on my own when I get older. I basically had to find out how to do things on my own cause, since the age seven my family didn’t care about me at all so I basically left on my own with no one or anything.

I've grown up good parents in till the age seven years old like I told you, where everything when wrong or bad my family was never really home my parents were always at work but then both of them lost their jobs and cars. So I had to walk to and home from school by myself so they had more time to take care of my little sister, so now all the care about is my stupid little sister which knows nothing. I finally had enough of them only caring about her so I moved out on my own with again nothing at all just the clothes on my back with little money and just left.

TWO MONTHS LATER..

Finally I was tired. Tired of being quiet and being on my own alone still knowing nothing and doing things for myself. So I finally found someone who could help and told them what has happened to me all my life. I felt good and happy that I've let out and told someone everything and they actually understood and helped me to have better care and life.

They put me in school again and they got me put into a foster family were I can actually have proper food and actually have clothes and a bed and a shower and have real proper love and care from a family. I never felt like this in a long time and it felt good.

Later that week I started school again I was nervous cause the school I was going to, Flower Hill drive was a lot bigger then my old school I went to so I didn’t really know what to do in a new and bigger school. But as I was thinking about all of this and what to do. A middle aged brow haired teacher came my way welcoming me and showing me where everything is

I finally made it to my first class everyone just glared at me and I just stood there frozen cause I didn’t know what to say or act in front of people I didn’t know before cause at my old school I knew everyone, all I did finally was sit down at the desk in the far back corner silent and not making eye contact with anyone. Then the teacher came beside me and I just looked up and smiled.

'' What's your name miss?.'' the teacher asked me with a smile

'' Katy.'' I responded with a quiet shy tone

'' well it's nice to meet you and welcome to Flower Hill high school .'' he said again with a smile

I just smiled back to be nice and just listened for the whole class cause I had no clue what was going on in that class cause I missed 2 months of school and everything is different here. At the end of class I rushed out of the class cause the teacher told me first got there said I had only had 5 minutes in between classes so I quickly found my locker. It took me a while to find my locker but when I finally did I opened I dumped all my textbooks and supplies in there and in that moment the bell rang to go to the next class.

The second class was the same just walk in having everybody stares at you and I sat in the farthest desk at the back again and the teacher introduces its self and still being confused and not knowing anything still. But I had to accept that this is how it's going to be for a while in till I learn or catch on to things and figure out how everything works here.

Finally it was lunch and being the new girl and not knowing were anything is. I was standing there looking around hoping someone will come talk to me and guide me were to sit what to do at lunch cause at my old school everyone just went out for lunch so I don’t know what to do in a cafeteria. But then someone finally did a tall thin brown haired boy was walking my way.

'' Hey!'' he said in a happy tone

'' Ugh.. Hi'' I said of unknowingly what to respond with

'' I'm Tyler and you must be Katy the new girl Katy right?.''

'' Yeah'' I lightly laughed and smiled while feeling my face get warm of embarrassment

Me and Tyler started to talk and helped me find my way around school and we lunch together that day and we hung out after school so we could get to know each other more. I really started to have feelings for Tyler in a way I never have I only though it was maybe a crush, I've never had a crush before, so I didn’t know what to do. I heard of them before but never had one.

The rest of the day at school and I just kept thinking how sweet and cute he is instead of paying attention and also trying to figure out how to tell him how I really feel or if I even should. I was never really good at expressing my feelings to others but I decided on telling him tomorrow at school how I feel and hoping it goes well, Tyler was my only friend so if this didn’t go well I'll go back to square one being the new girl with no one to talk to.

The next day I was went to school nervous as ever. I've ignored any contact of talking to him at school cause I was so nervous to tell him. He realized that I has been avoiding him to he finally went up to me to ask why I was avoiding him and asking why I was being so weird.

"Hey!" He said with a cheerful tone

"Ugh hi..."

"You don’t seem to happy What's wrong are you okay and why have you been avoiding me all day.?"

"Ugh no reason just tired you know late night trying to figure out what in learning in my classes." I said quietly cause I wanted to change the topic so I didn’t have to tell him how I feel about him.

"Ugh okay well maybe I can come over after school and help you?"

"Yeah sure I guess"

"Okay see you after school then" he said while walking in the other direction.

I was in relief! That i didn’t have to tell him in that moment and I started to get nervous cause he was coming over after school to help me with my classes, but as I was nervous. I thought that was a right time to tell him that I likes him.

Later after school me and Tyler were walking to my house and I couldn’t take the nervous feeling anymore so I stopped in the middle of the side walk and told him.

"Hey Tyler can I tell you something?." I said unsure and quietly

"Yah! Sure anything."

" Well there's this feeling I been having for a while and I'm guessing what I'm trying to tell you is ugh... that umm... I like you.."

30 seconds of silence happened I was nervous what his response would be he just stood there staring at the side walk to no facial expression.

" Really?" He responded with unknowingly

"Yeah."

"Well.. I'm glad you said something cause I like you too."

I stood there with the biggest smile on my face, the hugged cause they were so happy and they both smiled they rest of the way home.

2 months later

2 months later there still dating still happily in love, they were perfect together they would so cute things like write love letters or notes to each other telling them how much they love them, and just did romantic and non-romantic things to make them feel loved and special in a way I've not felt before I liked the feeling of what it felt liked to be loved I didn’t want this feeling to end I wanted to last forever. But sadly that didn’t end up happening.

Then came the day where I finally needed to tell him who I really was and what happened to me all my life and by me saying all of that hoping he would understand, but at the end of me telling my story to him sadly he didn’t understand he said that he didn’t think he could handle a girl like me that Is mentally ill and that has anxiety over little things he just couldn’t do it. So he told me he couldn't and they had to break up. I begged him for not to leave and that they could make it work but he didn’t want to he just broke up with me and left.

I sat on my bed crying for hours and now knowing that he is gone the feeling of being loved was gone and ended going back to the way I was lonely and un loved, my anxiety got worse I came more depressed then normal, I felt like there's was no point in living anymore if the person I loved left her with nothing but a broken heart.

I wasn’t at school for weeks all I did was lie in here bed crying for hours and hours I thought with him I had an escape from my past that I've would of forget about what all has happened but he only made it worse, I just wanted to go back to my life before were I was actually myself and not pretending for people but I guess this is how my life just is. It's now just broken hearts will happen again and I will just have to learn from my mistakes over and over again in till I learn but I don’t think she will ever learn she will just et broken over and over again without knowing or feeling anything.

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