I may be a delicate and sensitive person but when it comes to grudges I hold them hard and heavy to my soul. It’s become natural to feel a way about someone, even about myself to the point where I have reached a point of ready to let go it feels as though a space is missing because I’m so used to a heaviness placed there centred around pain, hurt, anger that comes side by side with a grudge. That surreal feeling of emptiness, something missing is room for more love and abundance to come to overcome and better the feelings that resided before.
Instead of doing what I normally do being too emotionally involved with a situation to the point of no return, I really had to sit with myself and be open to face what was truly going on, answer my own questions honestly and get to the root of it all, I was just so damn tired of feeling there was no way out to how I was feeling and why.
I hate myself i hate myself i hate myself
As I was alone with my thoughts. I was speaking of myself that way. Without overthinking it I started a dialogue. I didn’t hate myself, not really, not truly. I hated the deep rawest forms of emotions I was feeling, I hated feeling that from a situation I was in, I hated the person who had put me in that situation unbeknownst to me of his true intentions.
It’s strange how simple it seemed to get to the root of why I was feeling the way I was without emotionally hurting myself after months of mental torment. A simple case of being honest with myself of why. Continuously: WHY WHY WHY; in the healthiest way possible of course just really allowing myself to be challenged and to be extremely raw and completely honest.
From a simple word of WHY, followed through a conversation, then followed with okay this is where I’m at, these are the people involved, this is the situation now what?
FORGIVENESS: Let’s face it, its shite.
I didn’t like it, I didn’t want to do it but I had to. Forgiveness isn’t about letting people get away with the wrong they’ve done. Forgiveness is about choosing your own happiness. It’s not about forgetting what happened but about not allowing yourself to be defined by a situation that doesn’t support your happiness. Forgiveness of a trauma can be fearful but fear is an energy and energy can be changed.
The emptiness of releasing what no longer serves you will; be replaced by something bigger, better and happier.
Credits:
Created with images by Martin Adams - "Having recently seen an inspirational video on lightning photography, I thought I’d give it a shot when early one evening, the sky began lighting up like crazy! I pulled out my camera and started shooting for just less than 1s exposures with the shutter in continuous mode. Of course, once I started shooting, it seemed that no more lightning flashes wanted to show themselves. However, after 5 minutes of waiting, I was rewarded with a 1.5s lightning strike (see my other shot). After 700 pictures, I was rewarded with this beautiful arc of high voltage electricity!" • Sincerely Media - "Pink Bricks" • Paweł Czerwiński - "That’s a location somewhere near the Zoo. I couldn’t live with one of the edges askew. Correcting the perspective made the gutter askew. So I played a bit in Photoshop to make it right ;)"