I am officially done with college. And not in a, "I'm over it, I'm breaking up with you" way, in a, "I have completed the requirements set forth by the university to receive my degree in advertising," way. I will say, I am writing this before final grades are sent out, so this newsletter is very premature. It could turn out that I did not pass my final two classes, and that I have to retake them in the winter. That seems like something that would happen to me. Like maybe I forgot to put my name on one of my finals. Or maybe I forgot I was enrolled in a class this whole term, and that was the final class I needed to graduate. Or maybe one of my professors isn't a fan of this newsletter, so they decided to teach me a lesson. I would respect it.
If I were a teacher, I would make the final for my class extremely unconventional. I would require my students to do out of the ordinary things. For example, one year I might require my students to put on a successful county fair. I can think of no better way to teach my students teamwork. Or Advanced Algebra. I think one year I might have them get their own Netflix stand-up special. But it will have to be about the Millard Fillmore administration. (If you did not know that someone named Millard was once president of the United States, then how do you sleep at night? It will be on the final.) I might get real abstract one year, and have the students make a Pintrest board for the final. If they don't know how to properly Pintrest, then I would feel a sense of guilt letting them run wild in the real world.
I wish they weren't called "finals." That sounds too intimidating. There's too much pressure that goes along with that term. Why can't it be called something more fun? How about "This is a normal test." Or "It's pretty nice outside today, we should do something." Perhaps, "hey did you get my email? If not, no big deal, we can talk about it later." I want a test that determines how successful I'll be in life to at least be polite. "May I take your coat, sir?" Would be a wonderful name for a test.
Graduating means that I will be moving back in with my family. I wonder if they'll remember who I am? Now is my chance to drastically change my personality, and start over again. Maybe I'll say my name is Shane and I received a degree in architecture. Yeah, they'll believe that. I'll even start the Shane Peeler Newsletter to really commit to the bit. I wonder if they all changed their last name after I left? It would be awkward if I was the only Peeler in the house. The only Peeler in the house is also the name of my autobiography. It will be out next year. When I move back, will I have to pay a "went and lived in Portland for two years, and now I'm moving back in," fee? I think that was in the fine print of the contract I signed with them when I was born. I really should have had a lawyer present, but I was an infant, and was unable to communicate. Ah, to be young again...
I have three younger brothers, and moving back means that I will get to spend more time with them. We'll get to do all the fun things we use to do before I move out. Things like, waking up every morning and hand-making each other sweaters while we eat breakfast. Going to the recording studio, to work on songs for our family band. Heading to our day jobs working at the local newspaper to copy edit all of the articles. Finally, we wrapped up each day by hosting our public access television show, We are the Peelers, how may we help you? It will be a hoot having the team back together.
Well, college was cool. Now it is time to not be in college. I'll let you know how that goes.
My brothers Justin and Ryan have been wanting to be shouted out during one of my newsletters. So here you go, guys. Shout out to Justin. Shout out to Ryan. My other brother did not tell me he wanted a shout out, so I will not mention his name.
See you next week.
Credits:
Created with images by MILKOVÍ - "Vintage Words" • Matt Ragland - "Back to School Essentials" • JESHOOTS.COM - "untitled image" • Chris Liverani - "Math exam" • Daniel McCullough - "Architect at work" • Pexels - "fashion sweater clothes" • PublicDomainPictures - "unsure formals sign adult people worker impatient"