Because of You Love Only Lasts So Long

Like every life story this isn't about prince charming even though he might look like a dream come true but this is about how real life crap happens such as anxiety, depression, and even physical disabilities. My story might be like everyone else's but I need to tell it, I need to get it off my chest. So I will start with the real life crap and go on from there.

August 13, 2016

Early saturday morning around 4am my friends and I all piled in the car and looked back at Brandon's outstanding party. “Ok let's go,” my friend Lacy giggles. I look at all my friends noticing their drunk but that's ok we're always drunk I thought. Whoever was driving speed off heading to our house. Singing, shouting, looking out the window and waving to random people, all of us were having fun. Even the driver...which was the problem. The person driving swerved the wheel to the song nodding his head till he jerked the wheel hard enough. Our car turned to fast and rolled down the hill we were driving next to. The next thing I know sirens blaring in the morning sunrise. I watches as my friend crawled out with the help of strangers and hearing them yell my name. I noticed all of them were cut and bruised than men in uniforms made them walk away from the car. I heard cutting of metal and sawing and creeking. I look down. My legs were wedged in between two seats. I couldn't feel anything from my waist down and once I realized what was going on tears started streaming down my face then everything went dark.

August 15, 2016

I squint open my eyes to see bright ceiling lights. Nurses walking around the small room. One came up to me and asked how I was feeling while putting a light in my eyes. I nod and try to sit up. But I couldn't move my legs.

This is how the real life crap happens, you're young and do stupid things because you think their fun. But fun isn't always good, definitely if they could lead to bad things. Such as my accident. I got into a car with drunk people and I was the only one who has to endure the consequences. The doctors had told me that I might never be able to walk again. Now that's the catch, he said might. I didn't listen though. I went into depression and thought my life was over forever. I stopped talking to my friends and soon enough they stopped trying. So there i was alone and lonely and not wanted people's pity. Soon after that my parents got fed up with me and didn't know what to do so my dad suggested we move. I didn't care at that point i didn't care about anything by then so like my dad suggested, we moved.

September 10, 2016

That day we moved into our new house on Pacific Coast Hwy

Malibu, California. My dad bought a house by the ocean expecting that I would go out but first of all how the heck am I going get my wheelchair out there and second of all I don't want hot guys to see me like this.

September 22, 2016

I still haven't left my house and I don't plan on it in a million years. I hate how there's a ton of windows here. There is no privacy what so ever. Sometimes I'll sit in a chair by the window and push my wheelchair out of view so if people will look in they will think I'm a normal girl. I like to feel normal. It doesn't happen a lot but when guys walk past and see me sitting in that seat they might wave or wink and it's nice. But that's the only time I ever get to feel normal. Every time my parents come home they act like I'm 10 and I need the attention but the only thing I needed was my old life back. I hated here in Malibu Because it reminds me of all the stuff I can't do.

October 2, 2016

My parents enrolled me at Fusion Academy South Bay which it’s a revolutionary community of learning where positive relationships and one-to-one classrooms unlock the academic potential in every student and create opportunities for emotional and social growth as my parents like to put it. They think by putting me in some private school it's supposed to make everything better. That day was my first day at school in about two months. I didn't like it any better than Florida. Everyone here is so cheery and polite and all i wanted to do is scream that i'm not like them and can't do the special thing they try to push me to do. I just wanted to be left alone.

October 13, 2016

Thursday October 13 we had a school assembly and the gym was packed. I was at the back so I could easily get out but that's when I saw him. Grayson Garner. Sure i've never seen him before that but dang he was something else. I could only see his side veiw but I was fine at with it at the time. After staring at him for half of the assembly I realized he was holding a girl's hand. Of course he was. Who wouldn't want to date him. And who would want to date me. A cripple and a boring old me. My eyes started tearing up mostly for the hatred of my disability. I stopped looking at him and wheeled myself out of the gym not bothering to stay for the rest.

November 15, 2016

Nothing has changed. Everyone still pitied me and did lots for me which I was ok with because I could be as lazy as I wanted. My parents didn't mind either as long as my grades were good. So I would sit there listen to people say how sorry they were for me and sometimes I would even tell them about my accident so they would feel even worse. I know that wasn't right because I was probably smarter then all of them and could do lots of things the couldnt even in a wheelchair. There was only a few time I would see Grayson in the halls. He was always holding the girl's hand. Yes I got jealous but what's to compete with. She was pretty and I wasn't and plus I couldn't walk or do anything he would want to. I decided to give up on the idea of him completely but he just wouldn't leave my mind.

November 20, 2016

That was the day I got to talk to him. The girl that was always with him walked over to me and introduced herself. I friendly replied and asked about the boy. That was the day I learned his name. And that was the day I found out he was blind.

December 1, 2016

This was the day I realized I liked him. We talked a lot and half of our conversations went like this. “You're going to walk into the wall, turn left,” and he would always turn right and run into a wall groaning ow. “other left,” I would laugh. This conversation happened daily and we bonded over lunch. Britney stopped hanging around us trusting me with directions to lead him. We talked a lot about our old life. About popularity, sports movies and dating. He would talk about how he could have had a successful football career but there had to be such a thing as concussions. I told him about my accident and he would laugh saying we were perfect for eachother. I was his eyes, he was my legs.

December 16, 2016

“I have found out what i'm going to do for you for christmas,” he exclaimed.

“What?” I smile at him even though he can't tell.Like every life story this isn't about prince charming even though he might look like a dream come true but this is about how real life crap happens such as anxiety, depression, and even physical disabilities. My story might be like everyone else's but I need to tell it, I need to get it off my chest. So I will start with the real life crap and go on from there.

August 13, 2016

Early saturday morning around 4am my friends and I all piled in the car and looked back at Brandon's outstanding party. “Ok let's go,” my friend Lacy giggles. I look at all my friends noticing their drunk but that's ok we're always drunk I thought. Whoever was driving speed off heading to our house. Singing, shouting, looking out the window and waving to random people, all of us were having fun. Even the driver...which was the problem. The person driving swerved the wheel to the song nodding his head till he jerked the wheel hard enough. Our car turned to fast and rolled down the hill we were driving next to. The next thing I know sirens blaring in the morning sunrise. I watches as my friend crawled out with the help of strangers and hearing them yell my name. I noticed all of them were cut and bruised than men in uniforms made them walk away from the car. I heard cutting of metal and sawing and creeking. I look down. My legs were wedged in between two seats. I couldn't feel anything from my waist down and once I realized what was going on tears started streaming down my face then everything went dark.

August 15, 2016

I squint open my eyes to see bright ceiling lights. Nurses walking around the small room. One came up to me and asked how I was feeling while putting a light in my eyes. I nod and try to sit up. But I couldn't move my legs.

This is how the real life crap happens, you're young and do stupid things because you think their fun. But fun isn't always good, definitely if they could lead to bad things. Such as my accident. I got into a car with drunk people and I was the only one who has to endure the consequences. The doctors had told me that I might never be able to walk again. Now that's the catch, he said might. I didn't listen though. I went into depression and thought my life was over forever. I stopped talking to my friends and soon enough they stopped trying. So there i was alone and lonely and not wanted people's pity. Soon after that my parents got fed up with me and didn't know what to do so my dad suggested we move. I didn't care at that point i didn't care about anything by then so like my dad suggested, we moved.

September 10, 2016

That day we moved into our new house on Pacific Coast Hwy

Malibu, California. My dad bought a house by the ocean expecting that I would go out but first of all how the heck am I going get my wheelchair out there and second of all I don't want hot guys to see me like this.

September 22, 2016

I still haven't left my house and I don't plan on it in a million years. I hate how there's a ton of windows here. There is no privacy what so ever. Sometimes I'll sit in a chair by the window and push my wheelchair out of view so if people will look in they will think I'm a normal girl. I like to feel normal. It doesn't happen a lot but when guys walk past and see me sitting in that seat they might wave or wink and it's nice. But that's the only time I ever get to feel normal. Every time my parents come home they act like I'm 10 and I need the attention but the only thing I needed was my old life back. I hated here in Malibu Because it reminds me of all the stuff I can't do.

October 2, 2016

My parents enrolled me at Fusion Academy South Bay which it’s a revolutionary community of learning where positive relationships and one-to-one classrooms unlock the academic potential in every student and create opportunities for emotional and social growth as my parents like to put it. They think by putting me in some private school it's supposed to make everything better. That day was my first day at school in about two months. I didn't like it any better than Florida. Everyone here is so cheery and polite and all i wanted to do is scream that i'm not like them and can't do the special thing they try to push me to do. I just wanted to be left alone.

October 13, 2016

Thursday October 13 we had a school assembly and the gym was packed. I was at the back so I could easily get out but that's when I saw him. Grayson Garner. Sure i've never seen him before that but dang he was something else. I could only see his side veiw but I was fine at with it at the time. After staring at him for half of the assembly I realized he was holding a girl's hand. Of course he was. Who wouldn't want to date him. And who would want to date me. A cripple and a boring old me. My eyes started tearing up mostly for the hatred of my disability. I stopped looking at him and wheeled myself out of the gym not bothering to stay for the rest.

November 15, 2016

Nothing has changed. Everyone still pitied me and did lots for me which I was ok with because I could be as lazy as I wanted. My parents didn't mind either as long as my grades were good. So I would sit there listen to people say how sorry they were for me and sometimes I would even tell them about my accident so they would feel even worse. I know that wasn't right because I was probably smarter then all of them and could do lots of things the couldnt even in a wheelchair. There was only a few time I would see Grayson in the halls. He was always holding the girl's hand. Yes I got jealous but what's to compete with. She was pretty and I wasn't and plus I couldn't walk or do anything he would want to. I decided to give up on the idea of him completely but he just wouldn't leave my mind.

November 20, 2016

That was the day I got to talk to him.

The girl that was always with him walked over to me and introduced herself. I friendly replied and asked about the boy. That was the day I learned his name. And that was the day I found out he was blind.

December 1, 2016

This was the day I realized I liked him. We talked a lot and half of our conversations went like this. “You're going to walk into the wall, turn left,” and he would always turn right and run into a wall groaning ow. “other left,” I would laugh. This conversation happened daily and we bonded over lunch. Britney stopped hanging around us trusting me with directions to lead him. We talked a lot about our old life. About popularity, sports movies and dating. He would talk about how he could have had a successful football career but there had to be such a thing as concussions. I told him about my accident and he would laugh saying we were perfect for eachother. I was his eyes, he was my legs.

December 16, 2016

“I have found out what i'm going to do for you for christmas,” he exclaimed.

“What?” I smile at him even though he can't tell.

“So you know how you told me your doctor said you might never walk again?” he asked.

“Ya?” I didn't know where he was going with this.

“He said might,”

“I know I was there” I said

“Now don't be a smart a…” he stops himself. He was trying to be better with cursing but he's been so close to cursing almost 50 times just that day. “He said might, Sky, might, that means you have a chance to walk again,” he always calls me sky and every time he does i get chills.

“No Gray I can't,” I reply

“You haven't tried, and for this Christmas i'm going to help you try to walk,” he says revealing what he had planned. To be honest I thought he was kidding because there was no way he could help me and i'm pretty sure he knew that.

December 18, 2016

That day Grayson's mom drove him to my house. We hung out and later that night Gray said the words I didn't want to hear. “Stand up,” he said.

“What?” I looked at him weird.

“Stand up and come here,” he replied.

“Gray I can't walk, you know that,” I say with sadness in my voice. Ever since I started hanging out with Gray my depression has not been as bad but I hate being reminded that I can't walk. And he knows it.

“Sky trust me, get up hold on to something and try to walk over to me….please do it for me,” he says. When he said that I had a sense of urgency like I wanted to go to him but all I could do is wheel myself over there. He sighed and told me that we would try again tomorrow. After that we continued to talk the night away.

December 23, 2016

That day was the fifth day he tried to help me walk. All that I had accomplished was one step. But as he liked to say a little progress is better than none at all. That showed I could do it if I put my mind to it.

December 25, 2016

Christmas day was a blast. Gray got dropped off at my house and I described all my presents to him. He eventually got bored and made me practice walking again. At the end of the night I could walk from my bedroom door to my bed. Grayson walked over and sat next to me on my bed and held my hand and whispered, “good job,” I leaned close to him and kissed his cheek wishing him a Merry Christmas. He smiles and a little after that he had to leave. That christmas was the best day of my entire life. I will never forget it.

January 1, 2017

By that day I was able to walk a good distance and thought I should do something good for him. I talked a lot with his parents and found out he has a choice to have surgery done. If he would have the surgery he might be able to see again. I asked why he wouldn't have the surgery and the answer was simple, there was a large chance that the surgery could go wrong and he might not come out alive. I respected his choice except that I wanted him to have the chance to see again so I decided I would just have to convince him.

January 5, 2017

That day I asked Grayson to get surgery. He wasn't happy. He was actually kinda mad at me. Also that day he stopped talking to me.

January 14, 2017

It's been about a week and he just started talking to me again. He said he had went over it with his parents. He said he was going to do the surgery for me. I was overly happy and as excited as a child on Christmas. He told me the first thing he wanted to see when he got his sight back was me. I kissed him because I was filled with joy. Of course he kissed me back than said the three little words I was waiting to hear ever since I saw him. “I like you.” He whispered smiling.

January 28, 2017

That day was the day he was getting surgery. I waited outside the room smiling the whole time. That day was the first day he had ever seen me and the first words of his mouth was “beautiful,” he smiled at me like I was the prettiest girl in the world. That was the day I felt loved.

April 24, 2017

January 28 was the last day he talked to me. The last time he said the word beautiful. The last time I saw him smile at me. The last time I felt his embrace. The last time I felt his lips on mine. The last time I felt like I mattered.

June 31, 2017

Grayson if you're reading this I loved you, past tense. I hope you're happy with her.

Mom, Dad, if you're reading this don't blame Grayson he was the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you guys.

Dear Lord, take me to heaven.

Sincerely,

Skylar Swift.

Because of Me

July 1, 2017

That was the first day i've ever cried. My names Grayson Garner. I loved her, whether I wanted to admit or not. She was perfect. So fragile and perfect. And I broke her.

July 3, 2017

I've been thinking a lot since Skylar's death. If I would have stayed and been with her none of this would have ever happened. Things started to kick in that day, guilt, anxiety and maybe depression i don't really know. All I know was that I hated it.

July 14, 2017

That day was the day I started doing drugs. Sure weed was common. But the stuff Justin got me really worked. It helped me forget that I was the reason Skylar was gone. Gosh I loved her. I could even imagine a future with her. And future is a big word, definitely since i hate commitments. But the weird thing is that if I could have saved her life I would have committed to her 100%. That is how much I loved her.

July 30, 2017

By that day I was high almost every day and almost everyone knew it. Just a couple of weeks ago I started training for football again but that day I got kicked off the team. Stupid drugs.

August 2, 2017

Smoking popping sniffing you name it, I was doing it all. By that day I knew I was addicted. I better stop I thought. So that's what I tried. I tried to stop every single drug I was taking.

August 3, 2017

Even though it was only a day I stopped my body went crazy. I Would have heat flashes or I couldn't see, I would shake and I could barely talk. It was almost as bad than if i was on drugs.

August 5, 2017

It was my third day off it and i couldn't handle it. I asked Justin for some more. He gave me more than I expected and said I needed it more than he did. I went to the bathroom and popped five in my mouth hoping it would last me the day, and it did.

August 12, 2017

Present Day

Today I got home and almost everything reminded me of her. I missed Skylar. I haven't thought of her that much since the week after the suicide. I felt so bad. I went to my room and opened my first drawer on my dresser to reveal rows of bottles of drugs neatly lined up. I'm sorry Skylar. I'm sorry for everything I didn't do. I'm sorry we didn't get to date and take long strolls on the beach. I'm sorry I could never take you out to fancy restaurants. I'm sorry I never got to see you on prom looking gorgeous. I'm sorry I never got to bend down on one knee. I'm sorry I never got to pull out a ring and asked you to marry me. I'm sorry I could never see you walk down that aisle. I'm sorry I could never see you holding our baby. I'm sorry I never got to tell you how much I loved you.

I took out the bottle Justin had warned me about. “Only use this in case of emergency,” he had informed. This was definitely an emergency, I needed to forget her. I shook the bottle and four tablets fell onto the palm of my hand. I looked at the bottle and read “fentanyl, treats patients and puts them in a state of euphoria and relaxation” i had no idea what uphoria meant but it sounded good enough. I popped the pills into my mouth and chugged a Bud Light. I put the bottle away and headed into the bathroom. I striped and got in the shower turning it on to feel the cold water rain down on me. I need to forget her. Hopefully the drugs will kick in soon. After awhile I started to feel light headed. I turned off the water got out and dried off. I look in the mirror. I hate the dark circles under my eyes I definitely need more sleep. I change into sweatpants and layed on my bed feeling my heart beat slowly inside me. Before I knew it I was seeing things I knew weren't there. Until I saw her. Skylar Swift was standing in my room. “You're dead,” I stutter. She doesn't respond but instead she walks out of my room. I try to get up but instantly fall to the ground and I have troubles getting up. I finally get up breathing heavily. I lay back down thinking it's all a dream. Or I was hallucinating, it was probably the drugs. Than my breathing stops. I try to cry out but nothing came. I grabbed my throat in agony. I could hear my heartbeat drumming in my ears. Than everything went black.

On August 13, 2017, Grayson Garner was presumed dead. Laying on his bed out cold when his parents got home. He appeared to have an overdose on a highly potent drug called fentanyl. He mixed it with an alcohol and it seemed to stop his respiratory system completely. The funeral will be held on August 23, 2017.

A picture of a grave stone was on the front page of the paper and it said:

Grayson Hayes Garner

(1999-2017)

Beloved son and friend

Rest In Peace

Created By
Maggie Vonderheid
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