Part 1 Identifying Three Different Voices
Part 1: Identifying Three Different Inner Voices.
Inner Critic: "I'm not good at it; that's why I can't do it." The Inner Critic in my mind is my biggest enemy. The Inner Critic is a concept that judges or demeans a person through a voice in that person. My Inner Critic has a pretty strong voice and is cautious of some of the things I do. My inner critic can produce feelings of shame, deficiency, and self doubt. However I have began treating it as an ally which has transformed those negative thoughts into motivation and advice. It has helped a great deal and I have myself free of the great deal of stress coming from my inner critic. However, my inner critic was a big enemy of mine in high school. When I was in middle school I was nothing but a trouble maker and did not have good grades at all. Because of my mistakes I was forced to transfer to a new High school named Heath wood. When I arrived at Heath wood I was more mature than I was in middle school and was looking for a fresh start. I got off to a good start but my inner critic kept bringing up my past actions which began effecting me. For example, during my freshman year at Heath wood, which was an academically challenging private school, before I would took a test, my inner critic would tell me that I was going to fail it because I was that same dumb kid from middle school. My inner critic would constantly psych myself out even when I knew the material because of my questionable past. However, as soon as I began making decent grades and got to know the school better, my inner critic's voice was not nearly as loud.
Inner Defender: " I would have made that shot if the crowd wasn't making noise." Inner Defender is a Critical Voice that is in your head. Your inner defender is the voice in the head that defends you in many situations and finds ways to put the blame on others. My inner Critic is strongly heard in sports. In High School I played Football and soccer. On those Friday Nights under the lights my Inner Defender was most prominent. When one of my teammates would miss a block or an assignment that then made me commit an error, my inner Defender would put the blame on them at the moment; but shortly after the play I would realize I was at fault too. I would put most of the blame on others when I was a younger player on the team. However, As I grew as an older player on the team, The voices from my inner Defender Changed after one particular moment. When I was a junior on the team we were supposed to win state. In the semi finals we played our arch - rival Hammond. The game took place on a rainy, cold night and it was one of the best games I have ever been a part of. The game was also one of the most physical and competitive games I have ever been a part of. The whole game was tied, until we kicked a field goal with about two minutes left in the fourth quarter to go up by 3. All we needed to win was to keep Hammond out of the end zone to go to state. However, Hammond drove the ball down the field all the way to our second yard line with 5 seconds left to play. Instead of kicking the field goal they choose to run the ball. As soon as the ball was snapped I knew it was a run. I met the running back in the backfield and thought I had him wrapped up, but he slipped out of my grasp, took it to the house, and Hammond won the game. As soon as that happened, I remember looking around at all the seniors on my team balling their eyes out because they knew it was the last time they would ever put the pads on. My inner Defender wanted to find someone else to blame, but after seeing such emotion the only person that could be blamed was me. I held my self completely accountable and ever since that moment, my Inner Defender has been humbled.
Inner Guide: "I messed up, and need to fix it." My Inner Guide has always guided me in the right direction. It has always kept me accountable, and helped live by a code of ethics. At a young age I was taught to say yes sir no sir, hold the door for women, treat others as I want to be treated, and to not get involved with the wrong crowd. One time I was hitting golfballs off my front yard across the street into the woods. However, I shanked one and hit my neighbors', who were out of town at the time, car window. I easily could have ran inside and no one would have ever know it was me, but my inner Guide held me accountable and I called them and let them know what happened (Which ended up helping me in the long run because their cameras had caught me redhanded). My inner Guide has taught me live by a set of standards. It has upheld these standards I was taught to live by at a young age and expanded on them, which has successfully kept my head on straight. My inner guide also forces me to act instead of watch. For example, when I was in elementary school , I had a friend named Blair who suffered from dwarfism. I had grown up with Blair and his family was very good family friends of mine. However, Blair was not treated like everyone's friend at my school. He was constantly bullied, harassed, and teased because of his height. One day during recess, Blair and a couple of my buddies were playing basketball during recess. As we were playing, one of the kids that picked on Blair joined the game. As soon as Blair got the ball, he came over and stole it from him with ease and just held it above blair's head just laughing at him. As soon as I saw this, my inner guide snapped. I ran straight at the kid harassing Blair and we went toe to toe. As a result, I was suspended from school for fighting. This is the case with my inner guide. My inner guide forces me to act when I want change, not just stand by and wait for something. I have always acted spontaneously on the behalf of what I believe is right and the result of the decision from my inner guide is viewed as right in my book but has been considered bad bad by others. Because of this I have been trying much harder to think as much as possible before I act.
Overview: I have picked a speech by a man that describes the mindset I would like to have. While battling cancer, Jimmy V gave a historic speech. His speech emphasized to never give up, and also emphasized several points of a growth mindset.
Growth Mind set: Jimmy V https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNuCS5ZtPJg
Reflection: In my life, I have many different inner voices ranging from exceptional to dreadful. Many times my inner voice is destructive and negative towards myself, but is also confident and positive. My inner voice always reminds me of my purpose, and reminds me to work hard. But if there is one default setting my inner voice is always in, it is always curious. Almost every day my inner voice questions and ponders my interests, wildest dreams, beliefs, and myself. It's almost like my inner voice is never satisfied because it always has a hunger for new people, new adventures , and new ideas. I think my inner voice is always curious because I am a person who always wants to experience something new. Ever since I was little, I have been known to push the limits a little bit and test my boundaries. For example, I have hiked Mount Washington, been scuba diving, lived out west, backpacked the grand canyon, and have just done so many different things that people I have grown up with haven't; and all of these new and beautiful places I have experienced have given me all kinds of ideas and experiences that my friends and family are accustomed too, which has resulted in a constantly curious inner voice of mine. However, I don't always like a curious inner voice. I don't like it because it always wanting something new and it will question myself to the point where I can't even sleep. It will be content at times, but it's almost like it will never be content with the big picture of my life. To fix this, On a daily basis, I need to reflect on just how blessed I am where I currently am and life, I need to remember that it's not always sunny on the other side. That's why I always need to remember Jimmy V's speech. As Jimmy would say, "I need to enjoy the precious moments in life, and not wish my life away.