reaching the top
The path that I have chosen for myself has ups and downs, broken roads, and valleys to cross. Life for me in general isn’t the worst, it’s exciting and at the same time challenging, and that is honestly what makes it so special. I’ve had death, disappointment, and straight embarrassment over the years, I have failed and i have won, but I have never quit even though I have wanted to so bad. I always keep moving forward, never backwards. Everything I have gone through these past 17 years have taught me a lot and there is much more to be learned about what we call life.
I started out as a little blond kid who just wanted to play all day and watch the clouds in the sky pass. Looking back at my life it’s so hard to do, because so many things have happen to me, good or bad. The first thing i can remember to have impacted me hard was the day my eldest brother and sister left the house, by that time they were only in 10th or 11th grade in high school and myself was only 4, their reasoning for leaving is because my father and or mother wasn’t “treating” them right. When they left me I felt so hurt and alone, I felt like I didn’t have anyone to protect me until I grew some more. After some years past the pain faded because my sister had came back into my life, not as much as I wanted but she was still there. I haven’t seen my oldest brother for about 7-8 years now, reasons unknown. But after a while I’ve learned no matter how close or how much you love someone they will leave sooner or later, and if you’re lucky they might be able to come back if you let them.
A few years pass and I’ve grown stronger and me and my brother Thomas, who is only 4 years older than I wanted to start playing tackle football. So my father decides he wants to give me extra help before I join an actual team, so I don’t get hurt and give me pointers. So the only way to learn is do, and gave me all the gear i needed to be safe, and let my brother and I tackle one another so we have the skills to do it. But during that process I tried to tackle my brother and him being so much bigger than I, ran completely over me and laid me out. After that, my confidence in my abilities to tackle someone collapsed upon itself, I became nervous and pretty much scared to hit anyone. But after I started playing for a few years I just got over my fear and just did what needed to be done. That experience helped me to not care about what’s in front of me, big or small I’m going to get the task done no matter what.
The hardest obstacle I’ve faced is death of a friend, but this friend was so sad and hurt he took his own life. When I found out my friend who’s name I will keep to myself, had passed to the next life I thought it was a harsh joke. But in fact was very real, I didn’t know how to react because it happened so fast and without warning, I guess I was in shock and was still taking it in. After a day passed and I was suppose to have class with him, he wasn’t there and that is when it took over. I felt like I let him down, I wasn’t there for him when he needed someone to talk to, but then again we weren’t the best of friends but we hung out sometimes. Also what I had to deal with was the guilt, and you’re probably wondering why I felt guilty, well the night he killed himself he called me to hangout. But it was late so I told him no, my parents wouldn’t let me hangout, but that wasn’t true I just didn’t feel like hanging. who knew that would of been the last words I said to him, a lie. But when the viewing and funeral came around i still felt like he was just playing sick and just skipping school like he would do sometimes, until I saw him in the box. When I saw him at his viewing, I was still in an emotionless state and just looked at him with a blank stare, examining his deformed face, and all I could think is why? Why take your own life so young, he had so much to live up to and look forward to, so you’d think his life was short and hopefully will never be forgotten. I have learned to never bottle my feelings up and express myself no matter how dark my thoughts might be someone might have an even darker thought. And not only be the one to talk but to listen, and help those who cross my path with the darkness within themselves and try my best to open the window to show them where their light is.
feeling the heat
The history behind my name is pretty comical, according to my parents. Before i was born my parents were trying to figure out what they should name their youngest child. First they wanted to name me after someone important to them so they chose my grandfather on my mother’s side, Melvin Stephen Garzinski. My mother did not like Melvin as my first name because she thought I would get teased, so they made it my middle name and named me Stephen Melvin Rinehart. I guess it’s the curse of the name because I still got teased.