On Novemeber 1992, I was adopted from a private adoption agency in Jackson, Mississippi when I was three days old. I was adopted and raised by the only parents I knew of until a family member shared with me that I was adopted at the age of 6. The family member told me I was found in a trash can but of course that was not true. My mother who adopted me wanted to tell me when I was older because she felt that I was to young to know. It really hurt her when that family member told me before she could.The lady who raised me was a business woman who had owned a clothing store that was doing really well. When I three she had a nervous break down that is still unknown what caused the breakdown. She then was diagnosed with a mental illness that was beyond her control. She was abused sexually, verbally, and mentally and some of her family members treated her very bad from the time she was a child until she was a teen. After her breakdown my life was turned upside down. Starting at the age of five I saw a lot of painful and horrible things that no child should see. I watched my mom who raised me go in and out of mental institutions part of my whole childhood and had to be raised by different family members. People made fun of me because my mom was "crazy" in their eye sight. One of our family members took me in willingly but the others would say so many horrible things about me and my mom to me when I was a child. My dad who raised me was an alcoholic who was in and out of me and my mothers life. Even though she divorced him when I was three she still loved him and felt she needed him. He would break promises and would pick fights. We sometimes needed food and he would not be found when we needed him. They fought so much that I was such a nervous and angry child.I cried every single day and would go many sleepless nights worrying if tomorrow would be a better day. I sometimes would have to jump in the fights between him and my mom. It was horrible! We all know that no child should worry and have to jump in fights at such a young age. I was also abused when I was younger. Physically, verbally, mentally, and sexually. I would try to open up to certain family members but since I was an outcast to most of them,no one took me serious. Since I was adopted some of them disliked me for no reason. All I ever wanted was someone to listen. Some of our family members would verbally abuse me by saying horrible things to me. They would say I was a nothing, curse me out, say I was going to be like my mother who raised me, say I would not make it through life, etc... I really felt like I was a nothing. In elementary school I would get in trouble and talk back due to me having to endure so much pain and misery at home. I had to repeat the third grade due to me being so worried if my mom was going to be ok and me wondering if my dad would hurt her anytime I was not home.
At twelve years old,I was sexually abused by a family members boyfriend on my dads side. My mom had no control over it due to her being in the hospital. For a long time I felt dirty after that was done to me. I felt less than the beautiful young lady I was. I also opened up to a family member about that situation but I was told to not tell anyone.. Not even my mom. As years passed there were so many other things that happened in my childhood. I never really had a normal childhood because of the things I had to endure. I was a very broken young lady and felt like everyone was out to get me. I trusted no one. I played basketball/ran track and my parents very seldom came to any of my events when I was younger. I believe my mom came to one event when I was younger. My dad was out in the world living his life and my mom was to busy living hers. They would rather hang out with their friends rather than coming to my school activities. I grew angry and no one understood why. I would get very angry. People would judge me and say I was miserable for no reason but never knew my story. Some knew but I come from a town where people keep secrets. I felt as if I wasn't worth nobody's time. I hated me for a long time.
My mother and I never saw eye to eye. At this time she was never home. All I wanted was her there with me. I needed guidance. I needed love and support from the both of my parents. At the age of fourteen I went looking for love. I felt no one loved me. I felt as if I was nothing too no one. When I would get home from school my mother would be gone. There would not be anything to eat or nothing.. I met an older guy who was eight years older than me. He showed me all the love and support in the world. He made me feel loved. After months of messing around, I ended up pregnant at the age of fifteen years old. I had her at sixteen. I knew if no one else loved me he and my baby would. I cared so much for him. I just knew he would be the one who loves me through it all but I was wrong. He was very abusive. For five years I took all of his abuse and torture. I was so used to being in an abusive environment until I felt that this is what life is supposed to be like. I had low self esteem and felt no one wanted me but him. My self-esteem was so bad that I would need several people to tell me I was beautiful before I really believed it. Then when people told me I was beautiful I would freeze up and get very uncomfortable. It was bad! That was because all I have ever known was pain and felt that I needed someone else to justify to me my worth..
At the age of twenty-three I was reunited with my biological mother after twenty-three years in October of 2015. I had been looking for her every since I was in the sixth grade. I wanted to find her so I could know if I had any siblings and know my medical history. I was so lonely growing up due to me being an only child, that it excited me to find out I had siblings! I also found out she has businesses and is very successful! When I met her I was filled with joy! I never thought I would get a chance to meet this lady after all these years. I found out I had two beautiful sisters that she raised. They are thirty and fourteen years old. As I got to know her, I would ask her questions about my biological dad and my other siblings on his side and she would get frustrated. She told me I just needed to move on with life and not to worry about why I was put up for adoption. She just told me my biological dad was 20 years older than her and he died 5 years ago of kidney failure. She also told me no one knew about me not even him. The only people who knew about me was her, her mom , and her siblings. My curiousity led her not wanting to have anything to do with me at this point of my life. She told me instead of me being grateful for us reuniting I'm asking too many questions. It hurt me so bad for her to be that way. After all those years of me searching for her and now she wants nothing to do with me.I felt that it was very unfair because she had raised my two siblings and she is in their lives and because of my curiosity she wants to fall back. Now here again all the reject and neglect from the past haunted me again. I was never mad at her. I actually forgave her because she chose to give me life.
To sum everything up I've been through many storms but God kept me through it all. I am such a strong person and a Overcomer! My pain was for someone else and I know that there is a purpose for me being here. Every single obstacle we face in life is for a reason. We may not understand it but god will give you double for your trouble if we keep faith! I graduated high school and went too college. I have a daughter who loves me and I love her more than life. I am striving to be the best mother to her. Even though my parents were not the best parents, I still love them so very much and I know they love me. Often, people will keep a cycle going of what they have been through but I choose to break the cycle. It's so many people that have endured so much pain and still dealing with pain but will not speak on it. Or maybe they are content with it. I am the voice that will speak on it because it's a serious issue. I believe my story is going to be a testimony to help a lot of people. I'm here to let people know that God is able to heal any broken wounds. I am the product of someone who was healed. Remember God loves you and so do I! Always put him first and he will direct your paths! I hope I've helped someone:) Thank you! -Angel Morris