Saint Patrick’s Day is a day of luck, which many people seem to need this year. After all, this year has been a series of unfortunate events. With coronavirus rapidly spreading, Australia literally being on fire and the threat of escalating tension with Iran, it can be asked who could be lucky this year? Well, that’s easy to answer –– I am the luckiest person in the world this year. Like a leech, I have absorbed everyone’s luck to myself.
I'm lucky this year! Look at all those lucky symbols! Yippee!
The most recent threat of extinction is the coronavirus. This respiratory illness has killed thousands and has no known reason for spreading. Obviously some scary shenanigans.
COVID-19, a scary looking illness. Just look at those green things, ick!
That being said, while I was researching the outbreak, I searched up Wuhan, the origin of the outbreak. I must have misspelled the query though, as the only thing that came up was a hip hop band called the Wu-Tang Clan. And I’ll tell ya, their stuff is killer, dude. It makes me feel like I want to rebel, to break free from the shackles of society that are holding me down or something like that (I didn’t really listen to the lyrics).
So while the entire world is threatened by a deadly and mysterious disease that is rapidly spreading, I turn up my AirPod Pros and get inspired to rebel in school by doing such devious acts as scribbling “I go hard in the *********ing paint” on walls and desks, locking bathroom stalls then leaving them empty and cutting in the lunch line. Brick squad for life, yo!
A picture of Wu-Tang Clan.
The year started with a threat of World War Three, as the United States military killed a top Iranian general, prompting fear of an all-out nuclear war. That is scary stuff!
Iranian General Qasem Soleimani. He was killed in an airstrike in early 2020.
But while I was looking up the news on Twitter, I found a meme. The meme featured a picture of angry baby yoda photoshopped on a tank, and the caption read “Me getting ready for WW3! 😂” I don’t think that I have laughed harder in my entire life. I punched my desk so hard in laughter that there is still a recognizable dent in it. I mean, that baby Yoda is so darn cute! And seeing him ride on top of some big scary tank made the whole threat of WWIII disappear.
The funny Baby Yoda meme that I saw.
So, let the entire world fear for their lives and let the Doomsday Clock continue to move ever so closer to striking midnight: I’ll spend whatever days I have left squealing like a pre-teen girl at a Taylor Swift concert over memes of Baby Yoda.
Another event that happened in January were the fires in Australia. A tragedy, yes. A horrifying showcase of what climate change can do to the environment, yes. Responsible for the death of over a billion animals, yes.
But let’s refocus on what is actually important: while I was planning to donate money to the relief efforts, I came across an ad for a stuffed kangaroo. It was soft and fuzzy, and I wanted it. So I bought 40. The only problem was it was hard to open. The plush was in a plastic bag, in another plastic bag, in a styrofoam box coated in bubble wrap and finally, in another plastic bag. I mean, it sucks that Australia is burning, but I’m happy that it has led me to enjoy my horde of made-in-China stuffed animals.
My stuffed koala. I named him Benji.
2020 has been a roller coaster of a year so far. Some people may tell you “we’re all going to die,” or “we have to do something before our entire world is rummaged with all sorts of natural disasters as a result of global warming,” and to them I say pfffffff. On this St. Patrick’s Day, I’m having fun enjoying the little things in life, while causing chaos to the world and everyone in my vicinity. Apocalypse be damned.