“WE COULD MOVE,” SHE SUGGESTED ONCE TO HER MOTHER-IN-LAW. “WHAT’D BE THE POINT?” ASKED BABY SUGGS. “NOT A HOUSE IN THE COUNTRY AIN’T PACKED TO THE RAFTERS WITH SOME DEAD NEGRO’S GRIEF. WE LUCKY THIS GHOST IS A BABY…”
Now that Beloved is staying with us it’s harder to keep the memories away. Her and Denver are relentless with their questions, constantly bringing up the past I try so hard to forget. I ran away from it for a reason, but the girls just keep chasing me with it. This is a better life, as long as I can keep the past at bay. It’s hard to do, especially with my rememory keeping me up at night worried about Denver. I never want my children to have to suffer through what me or my family had to. That’s why I did what I did. I hope she understands. It was hard enough to leave Halle behind, even harder when he never followed me. I’ve just been trying to lock all the memories away. The awful day the men took my milk, the unbearable pain of my back and my feet as Amy helped deliver Denver. I run from the memories just as I ran from Sweet Home. Paul D runs with me. He shares some of his past, but I know he too locks some away, trying desperately to get away from it. Beloved made my run slow to a walk, made doors open up, memories slip back. But I want them to stay gone. Remembering is bad. I have to move on, keep my mind in the future, for myself, for Denver, for Paul D.