Inner Critic: My inner critic was very apparent when I wanted to get up early to take my quiz and study before I went home for the weekend. I didn’t wake up in time before my class to be able to get these things done. I was really frustrated, telling myself I was not going to be able to have time/concentration to do well on the quiz. I was angry because I was set on getting up to be productive and when I didn’t I felt like a failed my plan. I just kept telling myself about how I was not going to do well and how could I not get up when I knew how much I needed too. It was causing me stress because I wanted to get everything I needed to done before going home for the weekend so I could just relax. Instead of just being frustrated about it, I needed to just realize there was nothing I could do about it at that point. Instead of being angry with myself I should change my language to, now I am going to have to find time to do it at home and not be distracted.
Inner Defender:My inner defender crept up after my first nutrition test. When I received my score I immediately blamed my teacher. My thoughts were if she gave better explanations during lecture and made better presentations then I wouldn’t have done as bad. I also thought if the study guide information was in the book or lectures I would have done better. This is partly true because a lot of the things she put on the study guide to know, was nowhere in the book or her presentations. Besides that point though, it is no ones fault but mine; I knew this but my initial reaction was to blame her. I should of started studying earlier for this test, and when I could not find the information I could of gone to her office hours. Instead of blaming her, I should have been thinking if I had done more, I would have received a higher score.
Inner Guide: When studying for my first test in one of my Psych classes, I wanted to finish reading through all of the chapters (making notecards) and end of chapter reviews by the Sunday (also the Super Bowl) before the test. This way I could have a whole day to review anything I needed to and just be able to go through my notecards. After spending Friday and all day Saturday in the library I still had not gone through all the chapters and reviews because it was taking a lot longer than I expecting. Soon I began to kind of get upset because things were not going accordingly to my plan. I noticed my inner guide step in and be like “its okay, you can get through them all today just no super bowl”. Instead of leaving and going to watch it with friends like I had planned, I stayed at the library until I finished all the chapters. Even though this is not what I wanted to do my inner guide helped me be more rational and realize what was more important then. This led to me staying in the library and getting everything done by Sunday like I originally wanted too, with just a few adjustments. I was able to be more relaxed while preparing for the test, not feeling overwhelmed and led me to get an A on the test.
Whenever something goes wrong in my life, my default inner voice is my inner critic. I always blame myself for things, even when I should not. I think my inner critic is my default because of the lack of self-confidence I use to have thinking I was never going to be good enough to do the things I wanted to. Instead of always looking for ways to improve I had the mindset I would not be able to. These ideas stuck with me while growing up. If something was going the wrong way I would blame it on myself, and instead of changing these thoughts to be my inner guide I would just allow myself to think there was nothing else to do. I am striving for my inner guide to be my default setting. Recently I have started to take responsibility and working towards changing the situation instead of blaming myself for all mistakes. To make my inner guide be my default inner voice, I need to always revise the ideas from my inner critic or inner defender to my inner guide. When something goes wrong instead of only blaming myself or others I need to realize it is my fault, but what am I going to do to change or fix it. Living with this mindset will be a lot better then always having my inner critic creep up. Now since I have seen how helpful my inner guide can be, whenever I notice my inner critic or inner defender creep up, I’ll write down my thoughts changing them to be an inner guide. I will also be able to use this in the future when working or graduate school. Mistakes will always occur and instead of blaming myself I should direct my attention to how to better the situation.