My name is Justin Smith, and I am a survivor. House flies, Fruit flies, Horseflies, Brachyceras, Blue Bottles, Clusters, Sands, and Flesh flies, have terrorized me since childhood. When I would float on the lake with my brother, shear pain would abruptly terminate our fun and imagination. We were scarred for life. I began suppressing my frustration, anger, and pain I associated with these common pests. It was only in my early twenties that I began to take action. I have learned, tested, and seen dramatic results of the following techniques and applications to rid the fears and pain of people around the world.
People everywhere seek comfort in their lives.
Let us imagine first that we are sitting comfortably in our cool home. We are cooking, resting, watching television, admiring our children hard at play. What a peaceful state of being. We love the summers. There’s something about it, isn’t there? Popsicles, waterparks, cookouts, playgrounds, camping, fun in the sun. But during all of these great outdoor pleasures we all burn into our memories, at the end of the day (and sometimes during the day), we all love a cool, relaxing home to retreat to. And then, a distant sound comes to your ear. A faint, well there’s no other word for it, buzz comes around the corner. Now you know you’re not imagining it. It’s somewhere, yes. But where? You know it’s out of your reach right now so you try to forget about it. But then suddenly, there’s a super buzz that enters your ears and rings so loudly that it startles you. You swipe, and flail your arms, but to no avail. To others, you might seem a lunatic. But to most, you are just another person who despises the one thing that irks you most. The fly, or Musca Domestica of the Diptera family.
We must now go on to establish that this conceptual idea of keeping a peaceful household in the summer is indeed, a form of art. Art is defined as according to Dictionary.com: “The quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance”.
The first word of the definition is quality. Quality of life is very important to humans across the globe. From the poor to the rich, the proud, the humble, life is sought to be of value. And something that can be easily compared to and identified with one’s quality of life, is comfort. People everywhere seek comfort in their lives. From the most basic form of comfort (physically speaking) such as the leather chair, or the iPhone, to the not so obvious (psychologically speaking) such as exercising or sugar free ice cream. When you have so much going on in your life, the last thing you need is a fly roaming your home, causing everyone disorder, and discomfort.
Let us move to “according to aesthetic principles” of the definition of art. The principles of anyone’s aesthetic are very subjective. One person might find it appalling to have people entering their home with their shoes on. On the other side, some might find it unwelcoming and unfriendly to ask one’s guest of their shoes. But looking from both angles and all different kinds of views, it is easy to find that there is indeed some common ground to be found. Everyone can agree that flies are, in a sanitary sense of the word, dirty. Who wants to enter someone’s home and find flies buzzing around landing on everyone spreading filth? The truth of the matter is, no one.
The last word “beauty” from the definition of art is something that everyone seems to desire, in one way or another. Some try to find beauty in themselves, both with their appearance, and inside themselves. Others try to find beauty in life. Beauty can be found in many different things, places, and ideas. In truth, there is beauty all around us. We can see it everywhere. In our homes, it is no different. They are the very places we dwell. Where we eat, where we tuck our children in to bed. We design our homes to the exact specifications of what we may find beautiful in this world. And the cleanliness of our dwellings, of this beauty we so love, is a top priority. So why do we put up with these household pests, these annoying little beasts that seem to have no place in the world? Maybe it’s because we’re too busy to try to fight them all. Or because we pretend they are already gone. Or maybe, it’s because we simply lack the tools and skills to deal with these flies that have literally annoyed and bothered us to insanity, for thousands of years.
To have the right attitude is key. No Olympic champion thinks that he/she can’t win. Neither can we. We must have complete confidence in what we’re doing. A fly is very much like a child. It will sense when you think you’re going to fail, just as a child will become very irritable around someone who isn’t used to children (Stranger Danger). If you start having these negative feelings, don’t be discouraged. Own those feelings and emotions. Use it to fuel your determination to rid your home of the pests that have invaded it.
Believe in the Kill.
Preventative
- Make sure you are in a good mood and have a good attitude (see Chapter 2: Attitude). I know it’s not the easiest, especially when you’re new at fly hunting. It is not easy. Own that.
- Have Patience. Don’t be afraid to just sit there and wait. Sometimes, they will come to you. If you see one and it flies away, don’t worry, it’s not dead yet. It is still in your home until you decide to put an end to it. Statistics will show that six out of ten times, the subject will return to it’s exact, or relative position from whence it flew (that’s more than half!) Don’t give up! You can do it!
- Be resourceful. Use whatever you can! Don’t fall prey to what society deems necessary equipment for you to dispose of YOUR problem. Use whatever you can get your hands on (see Haikudo, if necessary). Nobody’s going to judge you for hunting flies with towels, shirts, spatulas, curtains, pillows, blankets, or even your shoes. Try to kick them if you have to (I’ve successfully ended a wasps life with a snap kick before).
- Watch the subject constantly while it’s flying around. Sometimes, it will seem like it disappears suddenly (because of their chameleon like qualities). Don’t fret. Imagine the trajectory of which way it was going, and you’ll find out quickly where it is. Calculate ALL angles.
- If you see your subject within a few feet of you, BACK UP. You don’t want to start swiping around in a furry. That will just make you AND the fly angry and it will find somewhere way off in the distance to land. Back up immediately and “view the scene”. You will quickly find this particular tactic VERY useful.
- Seal them in if you can. If you see your subject in your bedroom, close the door. Now, there’s nowhere for the fly to fly.
If you TRAP it, you will CAP it.
- During the day (when you’ll most likely see them because they do in fact sleep at night. And they sometimes even nap in the day!), turn off all your lights in your home. Close all the blinds in your rooms, but leave one window with the blinds drawn. Flies are, like most insects and bugs, attracted to light. When they come, you can handle them there. Just don’t forget the glass cleaner!
- Don’t be afraid of breaking things. I know, it sounds terrible. I try not to as much as possible, but if you do knock something over or break something of value, don’t feel bad. You are just doing everything in your power to provide a safe, healthy and comfortable home and environment for you and your family.
- If there are two subjects or more in one area, just concentrate on one at a time (see # 2 under Preventative), unless of course, there is a probability of a double (or even a triple) kill.
- Hanging water bags DON’T work. Sorry everyone. It’s just another Old Wives’ Tale. They just make you look like an idiot to your guests when they arrive.
My name is Adam Martini and I am a survivor. I have suffered greatly due to these pesky pests. They started as an annoyance. My problem eventually became an obsession to rid them from my home, which caused strife in my marriage and career. I have been to several therapists, and until now, nothing has worked.
The Fly Hunter has been vulnerable in his writing and revealed his own disgusts, insecurities, and failures. However, after his unique epiphany (one that I can only hope to even wish for someday, has inspired me beyond my wildest dreams. The Fly Hunter’s guide to hunting, is the most comprehensive and detailed guide to date in regards to solving one of man’s struggles and anxieties. I became depressed as a young teenager. I had no idea that it was these pests that were causing such a deep pain within me. My so called “friends” would laugh at me; I was a victim of bullying.
Finally, a miracle. I was at the airport and noticed a HouseKeeper Magazine on the shelf. It read, The Art of Fly Killing. I bought it without hesitation. I knew that this was the end of my lifelong battle between man and musca domestica. As I read page after page, I was uplifted by the resonating words of the Fly Hunter. It is simple yet so practical. I was made aware that I needed to act. When I landed and came home, I finally took a stand. I followed all of the Fly Hunter’s Tips and Tricks, and I not only gained the confidence to stand up for myself, but conquered the flies with the expert training guide and wisdom of the Fly Hunter.
My Wife and Children have come back to me!
My life has changed dramatically, for the better. I am able to get out of bed and not be fraught about the fears flying in the air around me. I am able to eat in peace, without having to destroy everything in site, to kill the savage little beasts. My wife and children have come back to me! The hoarding has ceased (a manifestation of my disease). I am no longer a prisoner. I am free, all due to the wisdom, tried and true training, expertise, and genuineness of the Fly Hunter. I owe him my life. I even called him on his therapeutic hot line 1-800-FLY-HUNT. I spoke to a representative for a few hours and he calmed me down and reminded me of how important attitude was to my success. Later that week I received a call midday, and it was him, the Fly Hunter himself. I couldn’t believe it. He spoke of how he related to me and reinforced the encouragement I had received over the phone via the hot line.
I encourage all people, no matter what you’re going through, to read the Fly Hunter’s manual on killing the bane of a family’s home. Restoration will foster, a new beginning will develop, relationships grow, friends stay for dinner; life is better. I fully endorse the Fly Hunter and his expertise and wisdom. Thank you Fly Hunter, for saving my marriage, and my life!
Adam Martini, 24, Tickfaw, Louisiana
Written and Illustrated by: Justin Smith, Fly Hunter
Credits:
Justin Smith