The Crummiest Class Ever By Emily Krivograd

The other day, I had one of the most crummiest experiences of this phony year so far. I have to take a real phony math class this semester. It's the crummiest subject out there, next to BTC at least.

Anyway I sauntered into my math class, all cool-like and sat down in one of the rows, away from any one else 'cause I didn't feel like doing all the phony small talk. You see, the problem with math is it makes absolutely no sense, no matter who the teacher is. English and US History or all of the social sciences or whatever you call 'em are fine because there's no wrong answer. If a teacher calls on you, all you have to do is smile all phony and nice and make 'em really like you. Then you stretch your sentence out real long-I personally like to restate whatever question they asked me so I have more time to think- in a way that's all genuine and structured and super grammatically correct. If you're lucky, they would have asked a question starting with, "What did you notice", in which case there's not even a wrong answer. Really, you can make up anything you want and if it sounds good, you're off the hook. Usually the teacher will nod or smile. They might comment on whatever phony answer you gave 'em. And then they'll choose another victim.

But with math class...oh that's just about the crummiest subject that's ever got to existed. There's no room for error; it's all a matter of if you're right or wrong, which really boils down to if you're smart or dumb. In case you couldn't figure it out by now, I'm no idiot. Sure I don't turn in all my assignments on time, but that's because my time is precious, and I ain't wasting any brain cells I got on that crummy homework. But according to math class, I must be the most stupid high school student to ever have the misfortune to walk these halls.

So anyway there I was, stuck in math class. I figured I'd just sit and nod during whatever phony lesson was about to be lectured at me like I did every other day. My philosophy is that if the teacher asks if you understand something, smile and nod; similarly, if the teacher asks if you're confused, you could smile and nod, but I'd suggest furrowing the brow at least a little bit before you agree to that. But that day, you know what they did to me? We had not one, but two math quizzes.

They were truly some of the most depressing quizzes I'd ever taken in my entire pathetic high school "career" (they always say career, like we're gettin' paid or something). Anyway on my first quiz, I thought I knew this useless information real well, 'cause I memorized it by looking at my notes (which weren't very good by the way) right before the quiz so I could at least have some kind of chance of passing. But during that second quiz-it was on yet another pointless lesson-I had no idea what all these logistic-thingys even meant.

Either way, I was halfway through what you definitely would've thought was the most idiotic quiz ever if you'd been there. All of the sudden, I heard the girl sitting next to me start tapping her pencil against the desk. Now, I can focus on something when it's actually worth my time. But something boring-something like this math quiz-needed my full concentration. And you see, with that girl sitting right next to me, tap, tap, tapping her pencil, I just couldn't do it. All I could think about was how much i wanted to take that pencil right out of her hand, break it in half, and throw it away. With that real crummy habit of hers going on right next to me, I tried finishing my quiz, but I definitely failed it. It's not that I cared about it though. No sir, useless, phony subjects like math aren't worth even half of my time.

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