This 'SP Page' is based on Covey, pages 204 to 234. Spend 3.5 hours on this material to successfully meet the module outcomes and requirements.

Why don't people cooperate with one another? Are we selfish? Do we like to resist authority? Are we unwilling to cooperate? Or Is our communication defensive? More often than not, the problems which rear their ugly head in our relationships result from a flawed paradigm. For instance, if you wanted to reap the fruits of cooperation, you couldn't do so with a paradigm of competition. And more often than not, we seek a technique, program, quick fix or antidote to remedy the uncooperative situation.

You can't change the fruit (us) without first changing the root (paradigm).

The first three of Covey's habits of highly effective people are personal. The next three are inter-personal. They're about how we relate to those around us and in certain ways how we work together.

We work together by interacting with others. There are six paradigms of human interaction.

Paradigms of human interaction

Win/Win: People seek mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial or satisfying.

Win/Lose: The competitive paradigm. If I win, you lose. In relationships, if both people aren't winning, both are losing.

Lose/Win: The "Doormat" paradigm. The individual seeks strength from popularity based on acceptance.

Lose/Lose: When people become obsessed with making the other person lose, even at their own expense.

Win: Focusing solely on getting what one wants. A person with the win mentality thinks in terms of securing his own ends and leaving it to others to secure theirs.

Win/Win or No Deal: If we can't find a mutually beneficial solution to a problem, we agree to disagree, agreeably.

It often depends on the situation, but with the Win/Win paradigm we appeal to a third alternative: not my way, not your way, but a better way.

Think Win/Win involves mutual learning, mutual influence and mutual benefits.

Five Dimensions of Win/Win

Character: Integrity (value we place on ourselves and the commitments we make to ourselves and others); Maturity (balance between courage and consideration); Abundance mentality (plenty for everybody).

Relationships: The trust between parties and the Emotional Bank Account (enough deposits to foster credibility, mutual learning and creativity). Listen more and do not be reactive–have a genuine desire to invest in the relationships that make it possible to Win/Win.

Agreements: Interdependent interaction. These agreements give definition and direction to Win/Win. Five elements give structure for Win/Win agreements between parties: a) Desired results (what is to be done and when)–negotiating with others; b) Provide guidelines to specify the parameters (principles, policies, etc.); c) Resources identify the human, financial, technical or organisational support to help accomplish the results; d) Accountability sets the standards or performance and time of evaluation; e) Consequences–good, bad, natural and logical–specify what does and will happen as a result of evaluation.

Systems: Have to support Win/Win paradigm. The training system, the planning system, the communication system, the budgeting system, the information system, the compensation system–all have to be based on the principle of Win/Win.

Processes: Answers the how question to arrive at a Win/Win solution. (1) See the problem from the other party's perspective; (2) Identify key issues and concerns; (3) Determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution for both parties; and (4) Identify new solutions to achieve the results.

The Win/Win paradigm is made up of three (3) essential character traits.

Character traits of Win/Win

Integrity is the first trait. Integrity helps us align our actions with our values. When we do this, we can identity what a true Win really is that’s consistent with our innermost values. Integrity also gives us a foundation for trust with others.

There’s no foundation of trust and win/win becomes an ineffective superficial technique. Integrity is the cornerstone in the foundation.

Maturity is the second trait. It’s our ability to balance our convictions with the convictions of others. It’s also our ability to take a long-term view and focus on increasing the standard of living and quality of life for all stakeholders.

The basic task of the leadership is to increase the standard of living and the quality of life for all stakeholders.

With a Scarcity Mentality, we operate from our Lizard Brain or in Fight-or-Flight mode. This leads to turf wars and bad behaviors. The Abundance Mentality helps us operate at a higher-level. We believe there’s enough for everybody, and we take it as a challenge to figure out how to make that so.

The abundance mentality, on the other hand, flows out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and security.

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