It was Mark Twain who once said “ Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it ” Me and Matthew were very close friends we talked everyday, all day. We always were talking over the phone whether we were texting or facetiming. In the winter of 16’ I told him I was with my friend Sofia at her house, and this always seemed to anger him. He disliked when I put my phone down and had my attention somewhere else other then on my phone or him, but he understood that I couldn't be on my phone 24/7. That night me and Matthew didn't talk because I decided to stay over at Sofia’s. That night me and Sofia were not on our phone because we wanted to have a “Movie NIght”
The next morning my mom picked me up, and I went home and checked my phone. I saw that Matthew had blown up my phone with texts and I finally answered to figure out why he was so angry and trying to get my attention. It was at that moment that I also clicked open instagram and saw a recent post from Matthew, As I read the caption my palms started to sweat, my whole body went numb.
“I don't want anyone to be mad at me but I am coming out as gay.”
Why was he so mad at me? and why was he coming out as gay? I stopped and thought about it for a few moments and realized the reason of Matthew blowing up my phone with texts and why he was mad at me, but the conclusion still did not make sense to me, confusion and an unsettling feeling suddenly took over my body.Matthew finally texted me back later that day with a long paragraph giving me the reason he was upset. He thought that while I was at Sofia’s house, I hacked his instagram and told all of his followers that he was coming out gay!!!! GAY!!?
“Kendra I know you would do something like this, I do not know why you and sofia have to feel the need to ruin my social life but it needs to stop” Mathew said to me.
“I can’t explain or justify that I did not do it, but first of all why would you think that I did this to you? Of all people you think I would hack your Instagram and say something so random as that?” I wouldn’t do this and I really want you to believe me, Please.”
“Kendra, no. I don't believe you. Just fess up or delete my number and when you are ready to confess I am all ears but not when all you are going to do is lie to me. I’m sorry but goodbye”
My heart had dropped as fast as he dropped our friendship. No words could have explained the way I felt. I did not want him to leave but how could I confess to something I didn’t do?
I didn't beg him to stay but I did not plead guilty. I let him leave because if he wasn’t going to believe me, then I guess I had to let him go. There was nothing left for me to do and I guess him not believing me was not my problem.
A few weeks had gone by and no word from Matthew and to be honest I was not that all upset about it as much as I was a few weeks ago, I knew what happened that night and no one could tell me that anything else did happen. Then when I heard a notification show up on my phone BING. I looked at the name that read “Matthew” and my heart started racing.
“I am so sorry for accusing you of hacking my Instagram and for dropping you for weeks but I need you as my friend, everyone is turning against me and I need someone just one person to be there for me.” the text read. I finally texted him back, I may have regretted it later but It was the best decision.
“Mathew no, you cannot just come back into my life like this, I am not forgiving you because you are alone. This is not how friendship works we can’t be friends, for my sake and humanity you need to stay out of my life.” I said to him. To this day I still wonder if I really made the right choice and what would have happened if I did forgive him. Would I still have my humanity today?