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The Steven Peeler Newsletter Happy New Year!

Hello, class. Welcome back! If you take out your textbooks and turn to page 310, you'll see that we have now entered the year 2019. It was quite the year for Steven. He begins the year by turning 23. 23 becomes his favorite number. So much so, that he spends the entire year wearing only Michael Jordan, and LeBron James Jerseys. He brings a small basketball hoop with him everywhere he goes, just in case he does something really cool, and wants to celebrate the occasion by dunking. It should be noted that there are only three slam dunks that happen during the year, but we won't talk about those until the end of the textbook. Some historians have argued that there might have been four, or perhaps five slam dunks, but the general consensus in the academic field is that there were only three.

This is from April 4th, 2019. The first dunk of the year for Steven.

Steven also begins the year with a list of New Year's Resolutions. Here is the orginial document:

Well, I should make a list of New Year's Resolutions just in case there is a textbook written about me in the future. You can never be too careful. If I end up liking this list, I must just have to dunk. OK, here we go.

Resolution 1: be more humble about my hair. I vow to stop wearing my t-shirt that says, "hey everyone, look at my hair! It's curly! Woohoo! Go team!" I will only let others compliment my hair if they so choose.

Resolution 2: start a business. Preferably, a hair business. There's only one haircut, and its mine.

Resolution 3: learn how to properly edit the newsletters. There tends to be spelling or grammar errors in almost every single one.

Resolution 4: get a denim jacket. I don't have one. I want one.

Resolution 5: make the phrase, "a dunk a day keeps the doctor away" popular.

Steven was only able to accomplish resolution 4 that year. He would however, accomplish 1, and 2, and 5 in 2032.

"The Steven Peeler Haircut Store" would file for bankruptcy in 2034.

Riding high off of The Steven Peeler Christmas Special, there were a number of videos that Steven put out during this year. Including:

"The Steven Peeler Email Special"

"The Steven Peeler Book Club vs. The People of New York City"

"Do you have an extra ticket to Coachella? A Steven Peeler Desperation"

"Should I run for President in 20 years? A live-stream Q & A"

"Why I won't be running for President in 20 years. A live-stream Q & A"

"Why you should only water your plants after listening to A Tribe Called Quest: A Steven Peeler Hour-long Special"

Viewers often fell asleep during his videos. So much so, that doctors would later recommend putting on a Steven Peeler video before going to bed for people having trouble falling asleep.

There were a variety of other things that happened to Steven during this year. He obtained his first job in a creative industry. The way he got the job is actually quite interesting. He walked into the tallest building in New York City, and yelled, "hey can I have a job? I'm pretty flexible when it comes to salary! I can start tomorrow! And if no one wants to hire me, that's OK too! I completely understand! Also, can anyone here validate my parking? Oh, and if anyone has any recommendations for where I can get a slice of pizza, that would also be much appreciated! Thank you! Sincerely, Steven Peeler. The man who has been yelling for the last two minutes!"

Steven famously took pictures of each signature line before he signed it. It was one of his biggest hobbies.

He was hired within five minutes.

However, he would quit the job in April because, in his opinion, "no good work gets done from April-December. I'm a work from only January-March kind of guy. That's why they call me three-month Steve." It should be noted that there is no official documentation of anyone calling him "three-month Steve." It should also be noted that in 2022, he claims that everyone calls him, "five-month Steve."

The first thing Steven did when he got hired, was circle the day he was going to quit.

Steven also ventures into reality television. He has his own show called, "Steven is now on television" it was an experimental show that was only five seconds long. Each episode would consist of Steven saying to the camera, "hey, I'm on television!" and then the episode would end. That's all he ever wanted to say. His son would reboot the show in 2051, and it was called, "Steven's son is now on television" and he would say, "hey, I'm Steven's son, and I'm on television!" The show would then end.

"Steven is now on television" is the most streamed show of all-time on Netflix.

Steven would later claim that watching the first episode of his son's reboot was the proudest moment of his life.

Since we are running out time before class ends, here is a short list of the other big moments from Steven Peeler's 2019:

He loses his wallet

He finally buys a candle

He gets his first apartment

He takes his first trip to the movie theaters. After finally realizing that movie theaters weren't just for movie stars.

He briefly makes the telegram popular again.

He turns against the telegram

Ponders the idea of changing his name to Jack

Signs a shoe-deal with Adidas

Vows never to wear shoes again

Finds wallet

Alright class, that's all for today. Get ready for next week's class, where we'll cover Steven's first two divorces. It's typically been students favorite section of the class.

See you next week.

Credits:

Created with images by Julie Tupas - "Light of Freedom" • Tim Mossholder - "Hops" • Tim Mossholder - "Barber Shop" • RobinHiggins - "asleep sleep bored" • edar - "business signature contract" • rawpixel - "paper composition business" • freestocks.org - "untitled image"

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