Being present doesn't require being in person

Rev. Jeff Rider Senior Minister

If you’d told me back in divinity school that one day that I’d be conducting services of remembrance on the internet, I’d have sworn you were crazy. For one thing, I didn’t own a computer, and the internet had yet to created. (Yes, I’m that old.) Yet here we are, three plus decades later, and not only are we gathering online to mark important milestones, but everything else as well. Worship, Sunday School, Bible Study, youth group, confirmation, prayer groups, and virtually every committee you can think of, is now meeting on Zoom.

What have I learned? Being present doesn’t require being in person.

That’s an incredible realization, but it’s nothing new. It’s been true since the start of the church. When Paul couldn’t be with a church he had planted, he didn’t say: “Wait till I get there and then we’ll do church together.” Instead, he used the technology of his day and wrote incredible letters. His message: “Even though we can’t be together, keep going. I’m with you in spirit.”

It’s the promise Jesus made at the Last Supper, that we celebrate every time we take communion together: “For as often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s life, death and resurrection, until he comes again.” Jesus promises to be present. Those words uttered by Jesus, written down by Paul and repeated every time we gather at the table remind us that being present doesn’t require being in person.

I have experienced this so many times during the pandemic lock down. In services of remembrance held by families over Zoom where stories were told, tears were shed, laughter was shared, and comfort found. In our youth meeting online and exploring questions about what it means to grow up in a world fighting an invisible enemy. In the consulting work members of our men’s group are volunteering to local businesses. In Drive Thru Food Drives, meal trains for our mission partners. In our amazing staff that flew into action when shelter at home went into effect, and never looked back… or missed a beat. Love shared.

And in the midst of it all we proved our faith in the strength of our community by starting our Church of the Future project with the renovation of our building. We took advantage of the lull to start the work. And we activated our commitment to going Beyond the Building by making substantial matching grants to four mission partners, in recognition of the need they face.

Loved shared, comfort found, commitments kept. We can be God’s people together even when we can’t be with each other face-to-face. Just as Paul encouraged the church: Keep going. I am with you.

A new appreciation

Matt Smith (with Carrie Smith) GFC member in Switzerland

What have I learned from the coronavirus lockdown? A lot about a number of things I hadn’t taken the time to fully appreciate.

As background, my wife and three daughters and I were active members of GFC before moving to Switzerland in 2016 for a work assignment. Living here has been an adventure and we feel extremely fortunate. The coronavirus crisis left us scattered: two daughters in the US at university can’t return home; my wife was visiting her elderly mother in northern CT when the lockdowns began and we agreed that she should stay with her mom who would have otherwise been alone and struggling to safely deal with isolating. So I’m here with my youngest daughter and we’re handling work and school remotely from home (needless to say I know I got the better end of the deal being with her than she did being with me). There are challenges from the crisis to be sure, but I know we’re so fortunate to have safety, health and continuing employment.

So, what have I learned?

I’ve learned that regularly taking note of the things I’m grateful for is important. Some people in this journal have commented on silver linings during the crisis; one that jumped out for me is GFC going online. I stopped going to church and my faith has waned since moving from Westport.

I’ve felt the gap in my life but now have a newfound appreciation for church, community and faith with this chance to connect again.

I better understand what really matters. Who in my life is important, how do I spend my time, what do we really need (particularly materially, but also mentally and spiritually), what am I committed to? I hadn’t always considered well enough how the choices I’ve made or not made in the past have affected the answers to these questions. Though I have a lot to learn I better appreciate these questions and at a deeper level.

Lastly, and taking note of not just the coronavirus crisis but the shocking events, civil unrest and responses in the US, I’ve come to more fully see the chasm between my family’s lives and the lives of so many others. I generally consider myself a generous person who tries to be appreciative of the service and effort of others; I aim to give back and to recognize others. But that’s not enough. People deserve a fair chance, justice, equality and many other things that I take for granted, but which our society is not able to offer to all. There is a lot more to consider on this one. What can I do? What can any of us do? I have a heightened appreciation for what Jesus has been patiently trying to teach me all these years about loving my neighbor.

New principles for the age of coronavirus

Dr. Allen Hilton Consulting Theologian

You won’t be surprised to know there are 613 commandments in the book we call the Old Testament, although you might be startled by to learn there are 1050 different commandments in the New Testament, which is so much shorter. But none of them gives guidance on what to do in the event of a global pandemic that stops the whole world. Of course, as Jesus tells us, love is the answer, but how do we figure out what that looks like right now? When we can’t do what we usually do to express the great love God has put in us, how do we proceed? I have three principles to guide us as people of faith.

First principle save your energy for what helps. There’s a whole lot of energy being used in the public square on take-downs. Don’t waste your energy on that but focus instead on the many important questions facing us now. What will your life look like after lockdown? The economy? The church? Focus on what helps.

Principle two Choose with the other in mind. This one sounds most like Jesus. Starting with those we are at home with: How do we put the other first, instead of grabbing what we need as a primary concern? Introverts and extroverts alike discover our ‘love language’ changes in coronavirus time. As the economy opens up again, faithful folk may pause to say: “All things are lawful but what is the most helpful?” Faithful folks think first of the other; it’s one of the things that sets us apart from how the rest of the world rolls.

Principle three Apply ‘Yes, and…” Instead of bemoaning our circumstances, try “This is the way things are…and what’s next? How will I make things better?”

Teresa of Avila reminds us that: “Christ has no body now but yours. No hands and feet on earth but yours.” The God who gives us those bodies and hands and feet continues to hold the world. And whether we’re reaching for screens or normalcy, we are God’s plan for how to hold the whole world in his hands.

What the plague is teaching me

Diane Parrish Church of the Future Co-Chair

These coronavirus days are unlike any we’ve ever experienced. They’ve brought us uncertainty, isolation, worry—and according to psychologists —an epidemic of nightmares to accompany our day fears. These days we’ve come to love our technology as Zoom, video phone calls, texts, gifs and YouTube become our only means of connecting. Technology helps, but it most definitely does not replace the warmth of an actual hug or snugging on the couch for a story with the grandchildren. There are a lot of silver linings to this enforced isolation, but let’s be honest, they exist because there are a lot of dark clouds.

As the reality of the pandemic bears down on me I find myself praying more than ever. I’m praying for specific persons I know who are sick, or whose loved ones are sick, or are on the front lines caring for the sick. I pray for scientists trying to understand this virus, those working to devise new tests, therapies and vaccines. I pray for the political leaders who have to decide what to do and when to do it. I pray for those who are all alone, who are facing economic ruin, who just happen to be especially vulnerable because of their health issues, living circumstances, and as seems to be case, even the color of their skin.

One prayer I pray repeatedly is, “God, show me what you want me to learn from this.” He’s given me lots of ideas, but one day he sent me reeling. I was praying this prayer when the thought formed very clearly in my mind “I want you to take care of each other” and, as that thought crowded out all my other thoughts, I knew yes, that was exactly right. Then something quite unexpected and amazing happened.

I have for a long time been aware intellectually and morally of Christ’s commandment that we love one another and I’ve tried to do what I could to follow it. I’ve volunteered and given money and prayed for others, because knew it was what I was supposed to do. If I did something for someone I knew and loved, it was easy and brought me joy. If I did it for a stranger, I might take some mild pleasure from the act, but mostly it was more an item on my to-do list, like making sure there was food in the pantry and gas in the car. But the day God helped me know what I needed to learn, he also gave me an incredible gift. He cracked open my heart just wide enough to admit for a moment the terrible pain and fear of the strangers in my prayers. What I’d been unable to feel because it was so far removed from own life pierced my soul. It was searing. It broke my heart and I understood in a completely new way my mission to “take care” of the other.

I think God also wants that to be the mission for GFC’s Beyond the Building. Whatever the specifics, at its core it simply must be about serving the other, those children of God who know every single day of their lives the pain I only experienced for a moment. He’s given me, and us, the tools to address that pain. Now I’m praying to learn how he wants us to do that.

Necessary and sufficient conditions

Peter Kralovec-Kirchherr Andover Newton at Yale Intern

There is no question as to how difficult this time has been. To not be able to gather on Sundays and Wednesdays with the Middle Schoolers strikes a chord of grief in my heart each week. This is particularly poignant as I prepare to leave Greens Farms Church, my church home for these last three wonderful years. It is immeasurably hard not being able to say proper ‘goodbyes,’ or sing the praise music we have all come to know and love.

However, there have been some unexpected joys through the process of moving to virtual youth group. We can’t run around in the church, so we tried ways to engage the kids beyond sitting in front of the screen. We started to do a scavenger hunt of through their houses. Each week, we ask them to find an object that is meaningful in some way; perhaps something they are grateful for, or something that reminds them of friends or family, and so on. Online youth group has allowed us all to learn about one another in ways that we never would have by meeting each week in the church.

In philosophy, there is a method of defining concepts called “necessary and sufficient conditions.”

If something cannot be without a particular thing, that is a necessary condition. For example, you need gas in your car to drive. A sufficient condition means that that thing is enough. For a long time, I believed that being physically present with one another was necessary for building strong community. Without being able to worship in person, we could not truly be the “church.” Oh, how wrong I was. One of the lessons I have had to learn from this pandemic is rethinking what is necessary, and what is enough when it comes to being the church. Having worship and youth group in person is not necessary. Food and coffee after the service is not necessary. Perfect live streams are not necessary. Instead, this time has taught me to see the sufficient conditions to be the church. I have learned to see what is enough. An earnest heart is enough. A desire to love God is enough. A determination to find meaningful forms of connection is enough. Each one of us, is enough. There is no question that this time has come with grief and anxiety, but we may rest in the assurance that to God, what we are doing is enough.

How do you galvanize your church? Close it down

Claire England Operations Director

In March we pivoted rapidly to weekly worship services online and meeting by Zoom. Participation in everything has increased. How do you galvanize your faith community? Apparently, you close the building and allow everyone to connect in their pajamas. For decades, mainline churches have fretted about how to make church more meaningful for more people. Now we know. Go where the people are. Suddenly, ‘church’ can drop into the family room, at any time the family is willing to engage with it, and bring community, comfort, and a sense of calm. Online, on social media, Christianity and its eternal wisdom stands out in sharp relief against the craziness of current events and political posturing. We can be a beacon…wait, where have I heard that before?

You can get from Fairfield to Westport in less than 10 minutes on I95 these days. I’ve done it several times. It’s like driving in the 1950s (only with a better car) because, suddenly, the impossible traffic has just gone. Like long commutes and business travel and pollution, the coronavirus lockdown has made some things disappear faster than you can say “see you on Zoom.” And it’s made evident other things we may have known in some part of our brain but now we’ve experienced them and won’t be able to forget. For me, that includes:

• How much I value home.
• That technology brings us together when we’re not afraid of it.
• There’s a chasm between what I have – health, shelter, resources, family, identity – and what many others have. The fragility of many people’s tenure in a place of safety is smashed by a lost job. I wake excited to find out what the day and week and year will bring. Others wake in dread, not knowing how they will feed their kids, let alone pay the rent. I am humbled by that daily.
• How much people want to be together, and to help others.
• That nature conquers all. If we were shocked and awed by the coronavirus, we certainly are not ready for continuing climate change. We mess with nature at our peril, and we are in peril.

Rise up, take courage, and do it. Ezra, 10:4

Erica Winkler Deacon

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The highs are so high: lots of family time, long walks with the dogs, no hustle and bustle. However the lows are pretty awful. I miss visiting with my parents, people are passing away, the economy is tanking. When will it all be OK? What does our ‘new normal’ look like? When will the kids go back to school? There is so much uncertainty.

During this time, I keep thinking to myself, ‘I’m so thankful my family is rooted in faith.’ These are the roots of the tree that are allowing me to rise, survive and even thrive in a time where there are storms all around me. Without these deep strong roots in Christ, I’m not sure I would survive quarantine and COVID-19. I’m starting to feel like I’ve been training for this pandemic my whole life (or at least the last five years)! The women’s group at Green’s Farms Church has been my ‘spiritual gym’ with its members as my coaches, trainers and teammates. We have pushed each other to be better, dig deeper, look for Christ, and act out of love in all we do. This training and faithfulness has given me the Hope and Faith to know that I am not alone in any of this and I’m not intended to handle any of this on my own. We have God, we have each other!

What does God want me to learn from this? How does he want me to show up during this time for my family, friends and community? These are the things I ask myself while trying to drown out the noise and negativity. I feel there is a calling here and I’m so proud to be part of a community that takes our Christian responsibility and puts it into action. There is so much goodness all around us! Our food drives for the needy, making masks, ringing bells, birthday drive-bys, painting rocks. I even let Emily paint on my windows at home making a stained glass cross for Easter and rainbows, rainbows, rainbows! There is so much goodness happening all around us, and this is because we have the ‘Roots to Rise.’

I hope there will be more kindness

Kirsten Horton Moderator

The Time of Coronavirus has reminded me that faith and love are the strongholds that overcome fear and struggle. I am not powerless and can choose to embrace the Spirit of God, trusting His will and believing that His grace is greater than any obstacle. God has a plan for me and to bear suffering is a part of it. Through it all, I believe that God will provide a rainbow on the other side.

Coming out of this, I hope that there is more kindness. Walls have come down between people as we surrender to what we cannot control. I hope we can see that we are all God’s children and that we can love each other if we let go of fear and judgement and resist putting up walls again. I hope we see each other on an equal playing field, not just as jobs, zip codes, political/religious affiliations or ages to compartmentalize. I hope we smile more at each other. I hope that we help each other more often, think of the other person first and do more for others.

Imagine what it was like for the disciples

Tom Banks Outreach Co-Chair

Covid-19 has impressed upon me the importance of resilience and a positive attitude in our daily life. In times like these, at least for me, the possibility of darkness and despair are ever present and I need to be constantly vigilant to avoid falling into their morass. Instead, I focus on trying to be resilient, to acknowledge the serious challenges and the risks we face while still moving forward, getting the job done, caring for others, and not being paralyzed by fear. Our attitude is so key to allowing us to carry on with hope and faith, with the knowledge that God created man in his image, that he endowed us with amazing gifts and resources, and that we can collectively harness those resources to meet and overcome the adversity facing us.

When I reflect on resilience, I think of the disciples after Jesus went to the cross. I think of how scared, disappointed, and full of despair they must have been to see the man they knew to be the Messiah crucified. Yet they were resilient, they stayed together, kept their faith, and were able to welcome the resurrected Christ back to them. I reflect on the tremendous reserves of resilience that Paul required as he spread the Gospel and helped build Christian communities in the face of a multitude of threats and enemies. These early Christians faced great challenges but yet, they kept going.

During this crisis, I have good days and bad days. Days where I am full of hope and strength and days where I feel the fear of the unknowns created by this pandemic begin to grow. On these bad days, I ask God to bless me with greater resilience and courage and a more positive attitude. It is also during these times that I find staying in motion and doing what little I can to help others strengthens my resolve. These small acts of caring remind me that we are all in this together, that there are so many people facing far greater unknowns than I do, and that we are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus in this world, even a world with Covid-19. To accomplish this audacious task, I believe we must draw upon the resilience God has embedded within our souls and keep moving forward with hope and faith.

It has been an inspiration to witness the resilience of GFC during this period – to see people organizing and contributing to drive-thru food banks with masks and gloves on, to read the long list of people volunteering to provide dinner to the men of Pivot or Homes with Hope, and to observe the construction progress at the Meetinghouse as we prepare for a brighter future where we will be in worship together again. These actions remind me that we have faced many challenges before as a congregation and as a nation and, with God’s help, we will overcome this one as we have all others.

I'm so blessed but want to do so much more

Jane Steiger Clerk and Deacon

I just didn’t realize, before all this started, how much I took for granted – like just being able to go shopping, plan a vacation, get together with family. It’s been very isolating, though technology has made a huge difference. I’ve been overwhelmed by how connected we’ve been as a church. Our prayer group is still meeting, and the Sunday Bible Study, the women’s book group, and then the worship. It’s amazing how we have adapted that way.

Overall, my feeling are mixed. I am blessed because I have much but I’m so sad because I’m not able to help so many people who are suffering right now. I made masks but I’d like to do so much more. It makes me think back and wish my career had suited me to help more, but I know that everyone has a way to give. We just have to dig deeper into our skill set to find it!

Looking ahead, when we finally get back together as a church, we are going to have what will feel like a brand-new building. It’s going to take some thinking to work out how we are going to make the most of that, and adapt to these new conditions. We’ll need to be more respectful of the physicality of the world – we will have be be mindful of that. Until we have a vaccine we have to be cautious.

While we figure out how we will interact socially in person, we can still take advantage of the technology in the future. It’s been great to have people who moved away taking part in the Sunday Bible Study. I hope we can continue to do that. Then people who have health issues can join us, or people at home for family reasons. Technology will prevail.

From an Outreach perspective, I think there will be a new emphasis on providing food for some time to come. We will have to focus on the basics.

The chance to readjust to the presence of God

LaQruishia Gill Director of Children's Ministry

I'm finding it nice to be reminded in a very tangible way that not everything is within my control and that can be good news. As Christians, we believe in a God who is powerful and active and that God not only knows more than we do but knows better. But sometimes there isn't so much in our lives that testifies to that. Most of us have a ton of freedom and ability to shape our daily experiences, and often, we cling to that freedom and ability more than anything else. But now we have this unexpected virus. Something that, try as we might, we just can't fully get around to maintain some version of "life as we know it". Despite all of our abilities, advancements, resources, and technology, here we are shuttered in our homes because of this tiny force of nature.

When I think of nature as something set into motion by God, I see the nature of the COVID-19 as a reflection of God’s own nature and movement. While you and I may be brimming with capacity and creativity, God has even more. While we are all going about our business, God is also free and doing what God does. And when those freedoms collide, we are the ones who are swept up in a current that we can’t quite wrap our heads around. Like God, COVID-19 has its own business to be about, and we are pushed to adjust for our own benefit in response. Thankfully with God, though this derailment can be a hard thing, it is always for the best.

My mind goes here not because I believe that COVID-19 is God or an act of God, but because its true to how I’ve experienced life in its wake. Though the ramifications are uncomfortable, and the adjustments frustrating, I’m largely doing just fine and in many ways better than I might have been had my own business simply carried on as usual. Many of us have had to slow down and change the ways we live, eat, shop, work, socialize, care for one another. We are driven to be more attentive and thoughtful and careful in all things. And I think this is an important humbling experience for the Christian. Our current predicament has created an opportunity for us to not only adjust to the presence of this new illness but also to readjust to the presence of God. I once had plans, rhythms, and a full calendar – now I don’t. And so I find myself turning to God like we’re two comfortable friends in a quiet house, used to enjoying one another’s presence, but not always speaking. With fewer things between us, I’m driven toward renewed curiosity: What have you been up to over there? What are we going to do today? What have you been trying to do with me that I have been too busy for, for far too long?

Disasters can bring out the best in people

Rick Tripodi Director of Music Ministry

Who knew what was right around the corner? There have been so many disruptive events through history that we have survived and come out stronger. From pre-Christian times, plagues, locusts, religious persecutions, political tyrannies, wars and many other disasters have brought the best out in people.

At the outset of the current crisis, our Chancel Choir was beginning its musical and spiritual journey through the great liturgical season of Lent, Holy Week and Easter. Then the virus hit like those disasters our ancestors survived: No rehearsals, no church as we know and cherish, no socializing – nothing. We were in the desert without a navigation system or even a compass. All the planning for this great time went right out the window. Did we feel disappointment, depression, anxiety, frustration over the situation --- YES. How could this happen? Why us? Why now? We’ve worked so hard and have so much more to do….all is lost.

Fortunately, we are not lost. We are blessed to have so many multi-talented people on the professional music staff enhanced with the talents of our GFC volunteers in the Chancel Choir and the Praise Band. The virus-induced social distancing made us all closer, stronger, and more appreciative of our God-given gifts and the gifts we are to each other.

Jennifer Porretta’s audio expertise enabled the Chancel Choir and Praise Band to join a ‘studio session’ recording and mix separately-recorded tracks so we could all ‘virtually’ sing together. While time-consuming, the results are 5-Star quality. Our Chancel Choir section leaders, Janelle Robinson, Bill Hall and Joseph Brewer have stepped up to the plate in an exemplary way, filling in the gaps in many capacities far beyond what any job description could detail. Our many volunteer Chancel Choir and Praise Band vocalists and instrumentalists who have worked together so well for years have come together in a truly special way.

Looking to the future, we are anxiously anticipating our newly-renovated Meetinghouse, revitalized and expanded pipe organ, and more user-friendly space to “Make a Joyful Noise unto the Lord.” AND WE WILL.

The virtual world can give us a vulnerability shield

Becky Stambaugh Director of Children's Ministry

I’m sure when we all take a moment to reflect and process on what we are learning through this strange reality of Coronavirus, we come to realize understandings of ourselves and the world around us. One of those things for me is the realization that sometimes virtual connection can be as, or even more, meaningful of an experience than a face to face connection.

What? I know. Why, I wonder? Is it because there is a vulnerability shield in place with the virtual world? I’ll need to ponder on that, but I can honestly say I think what has pleasantly surprised me the most in the midst of the lock down is the incredibly deep and thoughtful conversations that have been had with our youth.

Let me be clear: It doesn’t surprise me that we can have this level of conversation, but rather when everyone is stuck in a ‘Zoom room’ in the midst of a pandemic, there is less time dedicated to a game of GROG, and more time that understandably lends itself to topics that might not normally get discussed. Like what CAN we control in our lives when we can’t control what used to be our normal?

If we can’t take that mission trip in another part of the country, how CAN we be God’s hands and feet to those right here in our own backyards?

In the coming days, I’m looking forward to the creative opportunities before us. My mind is already pinging with possibilities. For instance, when we all can’t get together due to a snowstorm, a Zoom youth group or confirmation class can certainly be a great option. Or when the ‘time suck’ of car shuttling and sports programs won’t allow a youth to make it to a gathering, perhaps ‘Zooming’ from the car between grabbing dinner after basketball and homework time, is a way for some kids to stay connected even if they can’t be physically present in our new youth room with really good wi-fi!

So, let us take what we have learned and go even further to stay connected in the best of ways. Whenever physical distancing is the ‘rule’, may our exception to that rule be to think outside the box, and continually find ways to remain spiritually connected.