Another birthday is approaching without her and I can feel the emotions starting to arise within me. The woman who birthed me is no longer on earth to celebrate me becoming another year older. Another year older now means another year I have relied on God's strength, another year I have survived which will soon turn into another year I have thrived(claiming this by the blood of Jesus). I like to act like everything is okay within me, but I feel a stirring and I do my best to suppress it, but in all honesty part of me wants to just cry with a big bowl of an ice cream sundae as company. As my birthday approaches next week I have been hoping for a better birthday this year. Last year was my 21st and for most that means going out or throwing a big party to get wasted. For me, it was... what I suppose you would call a stepping stone. This year, well, I'm not sure what I was hoping for to be honest. I had been trying to tell my its no big deal, you got through the first one, it'll be better this year. It'll be better because I now know how to push through the mopiness, even though I would totally like to sulk in my sadness. Who knows, maybe I will let myself have a good cry, but I now know better than to stay in that state of mind where Satan would like to attack me. Sure, little things still upset me when I fell the emotions arise, but like I've said before this whole thing is a journey I'm on. I'm still learning and trying hard. I'm far from perfect, but I have a perfect God.