Malcolm Tucker

Malcolm Tucker Political spin doctor

"Who was it that did your media training, Myra Hindley? It's terrible! All these hands all over the place. You were like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra. It was like watching John Leslie at work."

"What the fuck is this? Tinker. Tailor. Soldier. Cunt?"

"No, he's useless. He's absolutely useless. He's as useless as a marzipan dildo."

"COME THE FUCK IN OR FUCK THE FUCK OFF"

"This is like the Shawshank Redemption only with more tunnelling through shit and no fucking redemption."

"IVE BOOKED YOU IN FOR THE USUAL SOAPY TIT WANK FAREWELL AT NUMBER 10"

"If some cunt can fuck something up, that cunt will pick the worst possible time to fucking fuck it up cause that cunt's a cunt."

"That was before, when your only problem was a fucking shit pun in a newspaper, and a face like Dot Cotton licking piss off a nettle."

"Terri, when I want your advice, I’ll give you the special signal. Which is me being sectioned under the Mental Health Act."

"Jesus Christ, see you… you're a fucking omnishambles, that's what you are. You're like that coffee machine, you know: from bean to cup, you fuck up."

"The guy is an epic fuck-up. He’s so dense that light bends around him."

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Malcolm Tucker Political spin doctor

"What the fuck is this? Tinker. Tailor. Soldier. Cunt?"

"COME THE FUCK IN OR FUCK THE FUCK OFF"

"If some cunt can fuck something up, that cunt will pick the worst possible time to fucking fuck it up cause that cunt's a cunt."

"Jesus Christ, see you… you're a fucking omnishambles, that's what you are. You're like that coffee machine, you know: from bean to cup, you fuck up."

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