My neighbour, Sam By robert Janes

You’ve heard people talk about the elephant in the room. I know you have. We all have. But in case you’ve forgotten, it is the present problem that is not spoken about. However, I’ll address it as I know my secret is safe with you, and this affects the entire neighbourhood.

Now, our problem is our noisy neighbour. To keep them anonymous, let’s call them Sam. After all, Sam is a gender neutral name.

Anyhow, Sam is very noisy, shouting up and down the block about their pets; the elephant and the ass. Not only does Sam shout about the pets, Sam yells at their family members and tells the entire town about them, revealing deep secrets. There are often arguments at Sam’s house.

The elephant and the ass don’t get along for the most part either. They’ll both be glad to start a fight or yelling match, and are even happier to be the one to end it.

The Russian man who lives a few blocks down cheers for the elephant to win the fight, saying he’ll come over with some peanuts and his friendship. However, some of the other neighbours on the block have become fearful of the elephant recently. He has been acting strange, but they still put their hand out for a sniff of approval.

Now, I’m not suggesting that we resort to such tactics as in the song and children’s book, There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly, and I don’t know why my neighbour has an ass and an elephant. But throwing more animals into that house is not going to solve any problems.

All that I know is that something needs to be done about Sam’s pets. Those kinds of pets do not belong in a house, they belong in a zoo. Just like the Republicans and Democrats.

It has been too long that the American government has been a two party system and history has proved that it doesn’t work. Recent history has verified this claim. The choices were between Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton; an elephant or an ass. Once again.

The solution to the problem is not as simple as creating more parties, or adding more animals. The solution is to reform the political campaigning in America.

The presidential candidate who spends the most on their campaign usually wins. There is only Democrats, Republicans and independent parties. So unless the independent parties have as much - if not more - money than the other choices, which gain donations from what could be described as sponsors, then there is no hope and you can count them out.

What is needed is a process that is fair and just for every running party. Where every party is allotted the same amount of time, money and resources.

Maybe we should throw more animals in after all.

Think of it as the shows American Idol, or Survivor; presidential candidates would slowly be weeded out for not being able to keep their composure, stay strong, or continue to make sense. There would also be tons of bloopers and terrible candidates and contestants that would make it a very entertaining experience.

Maybe that’s the way to elect the president in 2016, or 2020. Create a reality television program called something along the lines of So You Think You Can Be President? and let the people call in to vote, let the ratings soar and let every other country in the world wish that they thought of the idea first.

I’m just rapping now. But after all, the year will be 2017 and The Donald will be the President of the United States.


Created with images by DonkeyHotey - "Democratic Donkey & Republican Elephant - Caricatures"

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