What is a friend?

Not a person who shames you

Not a person that calls you names

Not a person who makes you feel like you're doing everything wrong.

You do all of that, Leila.

Think.

Really, truly, THINK.

About what I have been through

All the hardships in my life

They have not been the easiest.

A hated one has become a friend

It harder than you think

He's someone who damaged me so deeply

Has said things that have made me whither to my bedroom floor

Sobbing.

And now

He has become a friend.

A loved one has died

My amazing grandma

In a casket.

Not the easiest thing in the world to get over.

Sympathy

Would be a really great thing to have right now.

But instead....

I am bugged every day about if I'm keeping up in the book

It reminds me of how I was crying when I was supposed to be reading.

I am called self-centered

For trying to have self esteem at one of the hardest times in my life.

And I try!

I try to stay happy when you critizize me for being an actress.

I try to stay happy when you criticize me for playing the wrong note in band.

I try to stay happy when it doesn't even seem like you accept me

For who I am.

Please don't tell me

That I look like I'm wearing makeup

When I'm not.

Please don't get mad at me

For walking with another friend in the hallway for two minutes.

Please don't tell me that I'm wrong

Because I know when I'm wrong

And I know when I'm right.

I know myself best.

Please, let me be

Myself.

And when you start acting like a friend again

I'll be willing to be

Your friend again.

But not for now.